


Accidental Attachment

by okemmelie



Category: Black Friday - Team StarKid, The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Bar/Pub, F/M, Pining, Slow Burn, ted is a dumbass but so is charlotte, this is mostly the guy i guess but i'm allowing myself to borrow black friday characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:28:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 46
Words: 50,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22136317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okemmelie/pseuds/okemmelie
Summary: Ted's been working at the same bar for years and then his high school friends suddenly finish college and return to small town Hatchetfield. And while reconnecting with old friends is nice, Ted finds himself in the unfortunate situation of also reconnecting with some old feelings he thought for sure he'd smothered in a dark alley back when he was eighteen.
Relationships: Charlotte/Sam (The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals), Charlotte/Ted (The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals), Paul Matthews/Emma Perkins, Sam/Zoey (The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals)
Comments: 468
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> in this au, ted is 23 and so is paul and emma and charlotte (and fun fact, also gerald but who cares), but bill's 37 because uhhh alice. alice is also here. is this a dumb decision? absolutely, yes, but i stand by it! according to my outline, this will be approximately 30 chapters, but sometimes outlines get left behind and so, i'm just going to leave it at "? chapters" for now.

Summer’s right around the corner and Ted can’t wait. It’s not like he’s doing anything special. In fact, his summer is most likely going to be more of the same: Him, standing behind this very bar at David’s Corner, serving Hatchetfield citizens as many drinks as their hearts and wallets desire.

“Hey Bill.” Ted calls out. “You busy out there?”

His coworker sticks his head out from the backroom. “What do you want?”

Ted shrugs. “Company?” It’s hard to know what he wants, but it’s a Thursday night. It’s not like they have any significant customers that crave his attention. He can chill with Bill if he so desires.

But Bill does not seem to desire the same thing. With a sigh, he disappears back into the kitchen. How unfortunate. Whatever will Ted do?

For just a second, he considers wiping off the counter despite having done it not too long ago, but he decides that he can’t be bothered and that’s a better decision. He can feel it. And yes, maybe the reason he can feel it is because the door opens moments later, but that’s completely besides the point.

A young woman steps into the bar. It’s a young woman he hasn’t seen here in a very long time. “Ted?” She calls out as she makes her way towards the bar in a fast pace.

“Charlotte!” Sure, Ted likes to think of himself as someone who has a job and since his boss is here, having a drink with his wife, Ted is not about to throw himself over the bar to go hug Charlotte. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to, though. “What are you doing here?”

“I was actually looking for you. I didn’t know if you still worked here, but since I’m in town, I figured I’d just come see for myself.” She sits down at a barstool and offers him a big smile. “Oh! And I also just finished moving in. I got my own apartment. I’m moving back to Hatchetfield.”

He smiles back. “Really? That’s great to hear.” He remembers that his boss is there and decides to be professional. “Can I get you anything?”

“Oh, Ted. No thank you. I don’t have the money to spend on drinks out right now. Moving is expensive. Maybe next month.”

Ted rolls his eyes at her. “Nonsense! What do you want? My treat.”

She argues with him for a little bit but ends up letting him buy her a mojito. Things really haven’t changed that much since high school.

“So. Charlotte.” He looks around to make sure no one needs his attention before he goes on. “What have you been up to? It’s been a while.”

She takes a sip of her drink before answering. “Oh, you know. College. Been doing a lot of college. Graduated, in fact.”

“Congratulations!” He has no idea what she ended up studying, but hopes that she’ll end up telling him if he just never mentions it. Maybe she was a sociology student?

“Thank you! Here’s to hoping the world will be kind to all communication students in this season of job searching.” Nope. Definitely not a sociology student. Oh well. “What about you? What have you been doing?”

He slaps the bar. “Working, mostly. Hatchetfield isn’t the most exciting town in the world.” She laughs and he laughs along. Her laughter is cute. He appreciates to have her around again. “Moved into a bigger apartment with my sister, but that’s… yeah, that’s definitely the biggest thing I’ve done while you’ve been gone.”

Charlotte asks how his sister is doing and he tells her, she’s alright. The ends of school years are always something. Then Ted asks her about her time at college and her plans in Hatchetfield and before he knows it, his coworker Jake is there and Ted’s shift is over.

“I haven’t exactly found a job yet,” She tells him as he joins her on the other side of the counter. “But I’ve sent out some applications and I’m hoping to get some responses and interviews soon.”

He nods, then calls Jake over so he can order them a round of drinks. “A mojito for the lady and the usual for me.”

“Dude. Just because you work here doesn’t mean I’ve got your drink of choice memorized.” Jake’s smiling smugly and Ted knows exactly what that means.

“You’re the worst and I’m so happy you’ve chosen to go to college in another state, God.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know that drink. Could you tell me what’s in it?”

A deep sigh leaves Ted’s lips. “It’s lemon vodka, triple sec, cranberry juice, a little bit of lime and some ice.”

“I believe they call that a Cos–”

“No. Shut up, Jake.”

They eventually get their drinks and Ted pays for them. Then they go sit at a table in the corner. Sure, he hadn’t planned to stay out tonight, but who cares? His sister has probably gone to bed already with it being the final school day of the year tomorrow and all. Besides, Ted isn’t working until midnight tomorrow. He has time to be here with Charlotte.

He takes a sip of his definitely not Cosmotopolian. “So. Where were we?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyway i stand by this choice

It’s a little past one when Ted finally says goodnight to Charlotte. He offers to walk her home, but she calls for a taxi and all is well. He waits around with her, because his apartment isn’t far from the bar and he doesn’t mind. She hugs him before leaving and promises to text him soon.

He doesn’t expect the lights to be on, but they certainly are. He knows what that means: His sister is still up.  _ What a fucking dumbass _ , he thinks to himself as he unlocks the door.

“You’re home late, Teddy.” Grace is sitting on the couch with her laptop, watching some video that she pauses as he makes his way over to the couch. “Anything fun happened? Bar fight? Did Bill finally attempt to have you assassinated?”

Ted rolls his eyes, then sits down next to her. “You’ve been on this planet for almost seventeen years. Please stop calling me Teddy. It’s Ted.”

“That doesn’t answer my question, Teddy.”

“I hate this family.” He didn’t, but he knew that and she knew that so he could say whatever he wanted. “Bill’s reasons to have me killed hardly qualifies me for assasination. No bar fight, I’m afraid. Charlotte stopped by, though.”

That seems to grab her attention. She straightens her back and pushes her laptop from her lap and onto the couch next to her. “Charlotte?  _ The  _ Charlotte? Charlotte Dewitt from high school?”

“That’s the one.” He kicks his feet up on the coffee table. “She’s moved back to Hatchetfield. She came to look for me.”

“Oh, this is great. This is so great. She’s  _ so  _ in love with you!” Grace’s voice is playful. She pushes his shoulder lightly and it makes him laugh.

It also makes him push her back, which makes her pout. “You’re unbelievable, you know that? Of course she’s not in fucking love with me. We haven’t seen each other since she was on winter break in Hatchetfield three years ago.” Grace looks like she’s about to continue pushing it, so Ted decides to just continue speaking himself instead. “Also, do you have any idea what time it is?”

“Yeah. It’s one thirty seven. Also she’s totally in love with you.”

“It’s a school night. Shouldn’t you be in bed?”

She rolls her eyes at him. “It’s a school night. Shouldn’t you be in bed?” She repeats back in a mocking tone. “I’ll be fine, Teddy. But thank you for worrying.”

“Alright.” He ruffles her hair, then gets up. “Suit yourself, Grace Chastity. I’m going to bed.”

“We’ve been over this.” She calls out after him as he opens his bedroom door. “You can’t bully me with Chastity, Theodore Chastity you absolute moron.”

And while she’s completely right, it wasn’t like he was going to let it stop him or anything.

Ted wakes up to an empty apartment. Grace has apparently managed to get her ass up and off to school and he’s proud of her. He always is, but that’s besides the point. He also wakes up a text message.

It reads:  _ Hi Ted. This is Paul Matthews, you know, from high school. I’m back in Hatchetfield and was wondering if you’d like to grab lunch? _

What was it with people from high school showing up back in Hatchetfield this week? Sure, it had only been Charlotte and Paul, but in Ted’s opinion that was enough. He lets Paul know that lunch sounds good and asks him to meet up at Lulu’s Diner.

While Ted doesn’t usually go out of his way to be early, he does arrive a fair few minutes before they have planned to meet up and that’s fine, he decides. It’s not for Paul, so it doesn’t matter when he arrives.

“Ted! Hi!” A familiar voice greets him from behind the counter.

He greets her with a smile. “Hey. What’s up?”

“Oh, you know.” She shrugs and finds him a cup. She’s technically not supposed to give him one since he hadn’t bought anything yet, but he knows she doesn’t care about that. No one here does, not with him. “The usual.” She concludes as she hands it to him. “What’s up with you? You’re early.”

He nods and goes to fill up his cup. “I am. An old friend wanted to meet up, so I suggested the place with Hatchetfield’s best wait staff. How’re things with Stanley?”

And so, she tells him everything new with her cool boyfriend who’s not really her boyfriend, until Paul shows up and taps him on the shoulder and the conversation dies out. The high school friends orders and finds themselves a table.

“So Paul.” Ted raises an eyebrow. “What’s up? Why are we meeting up?”

Paul shoots him an innocent smile that Ted doesn’t buy. “Can’t a guy just have a desire to meet up with his old high school friend now that he’s gotten his degree and has returned to his hometown?”

“Theoretically yes. But I somehow don’t trust you to not have ulterior motives.”

“Ted.”

“Paul.”

“I wouldn’t just come here and lie to you. No ulterior motives, I swear.”

Ted’s eyebrow raises once again, but he decides that it’s whatever. “Alright, then. Keep your secrets. What did you study anyway?” Maybe he should remember, they were friends after all. But he doesn’t and the quickest way to find out is to ask.

“Sociology.” Ah. There it was. “What about you? Did you ever go to business school?”

Shaking his head, Ted opens his soda. “Nope. I’m still working next door.” David’s Corner and Lulu’s Diner were just next to each other and Ted always thought that was a blessing.

“Oh? David’s Corner? How’s that treating you?”

He shrugs. “The pay’s alright. My coworkers are assholes, but thank God Jake’s off to college. Wish Bill would just retire already, though. I mean, he’s like 37. What’s he still doing working in a bar?”

Now it’s Paul’s turn to shrug. Then, it looks like something dawns on him. “Wait. Jake’s off to college? Does that mean you guys are going to be a man down?”

“No ulterior motive, huh?”

“Hey! It’s hardly my fault that the opportunity presented itself.” He supposes Paul is right about that, so he nods. “Do you think David’s going to want to hire me?”

“I don’t know, Paul. But you could go ask him?”

Then their burgers arrive and they continue to chat over lunch. Ted convinces Paul to go talk to his boss over the weekend and Paul convinces Ted to put in a good word.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> she's here !

“You’re going to be fine!” Ted pats Paul on the shoulder before leaving him alone behind the bar. “I believe in you and all that.”

Paul nods. It seems to be more to himself than to Ted and he can respect that. “Okay, okay. Okay. So I just gotta– I just gotta watch the bar and it’ll all be good. I can do this.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bye Paul.” Sure, he could stick around and support his friend on his first day alone at the job, but there was just one issue: He didn’t care.

Instead, Ted steps out of the bar and walks right into the diner next door. He takes a seat at one of the stools by the counter and checks his phone while he waits for someone to come out and take his order. Sure, he could ring the bell, but he’s not in a hurry and he likes being here, all things considered.

Eventually someone steps out from the backroom. It’s not someone he recognizes, a tiny brunette who looks to be around his age. He puts on a bigger smile than usual. He’s pretty tight with the entire wait staff considering how often he comes here, so this should be fun and exciting.

“Hi, welcome to Lulu’s Diner. How can I help you?” She asks.

He considers winking at her, but decides against it. For now. “Hi. Uhh, some medium fries and a cup for coffee, thank you.”

“Coming right up!” She nods and turns around to go fetch his order. Before she can get it done, Becky swoops in from the backroom to assist. Ted and her share a smile.

“You’ll want to do it like this. It makes the whole process much easier.” Becky starts explaining.

Ted can see new girl rolling her eyes at this development. “Thank you Becky, but aren’t you supposed to, I don’t know, be on a break right now? Seriously. I can handle it.” The two girls share a smile, though new girl’s look more forced than Becky’s. Then Becky disappears into the break room and new girl comes to hand him a cup.

“That’ll be–”

He cuts her off. “3.95. You got it.” He winks. Something about her says she’ll hate it and judging by the fact that she’s now also rolling her eyes at him, he’s right on the money. He hands her the 3.95 with a smile. “Thank you.”

Now that new girl is right in front of him again, he can see the nametag on her uniform.  _ Emma _ . Emma sighs and leans against the counter, before gesturing towards the breakroom. “Did you see that?”

He raises an eyebrow. “What, Becky?”

“Yeah,  _ Becky _ . She’s three years younger than me and still tries to act better than me. God, she’s just so annoying. ‘ _ It makes the whole process much easier _ ’ my ass.”

It makes Ted laugh a little. “Yeah, but I don’t know. I quite like her.”

“That makes it one of us.” New girl Emma smiles a bit, before going to fetch him his fries. “You seem quite at home here. What’s your name?”

“Ted. I work right next door.” Emma nods as the door opens and Ted eats one of his fries. He can hear heels and his curiosity gets the best of him, so he turns to see who it is. Sometimes curiosity only lead to confusion. “Linda Hidgens, I didn’t think I’d be seeing you _in_ _here_ of all places.”

“Theodore!”

“It’s actually just Ted, we’ve talked about th–”

“Good to see you!” Linda holds out her hand but with her knuckles out and when he takes it, he notices. A shiny new ring with a diamond that he recognized from when he went ring shopping with Gerald back in May. “Also, it’s Linda Monroe now.”

He gets up, because she’s showing off her engagement ring and he feels like a hug is in place. “Congratulations! Good to see you too, uhh… still doesn’t answer why you’re  _ here _ .” He’d apologize to the establishment, but it really just came down to him never having seen Linda in this part of town unless Gerald dragged her to David’s for drinks.

Linda smiles to him, then turns to face Emma. “Um, excuse me, but could you go fetch me Becky Barnes if she’s at work today.”

While Emma looks confused, she does smile back and agree to go get Becky. Ted has an idea what’s coming, but he has a feeling that Emma doesn’t. He sits back and prepares himself for whatever Linda ends up doing.

Unluckily for Becky, she seems to have agreed to follow Emma out into the shitshow that’s about to go down and Ted just sits there and watches as her face drops the moment she spots Linda. “What are you doing here?”

“Becky Barnes!” Linda walks up closer to Ted’s favorite open 24/7 diner employee and practically shoves her hand into her face to show off her engagement ring. “Look at this! I’m engaged now, Becky. I’m going to get married and you… well. You’re still working in this  _ pathetic  _ diner and running around with that awful kiosk guy. High school’s long gone and you’re a  _ nothing _ , Becky.”

“Oh wauw…” Emma nods a bit to herself while Linda pauses. “That’s… okay!”

“Anyway! I’ve got places to be and things to do.” Linda takes her hand back and Ted watches as Becky blinks a few times. “Toodles!” She kisses Ted on the cheek and leaves before anyone has the chance to process what just happened and speak to her.

“Okay… okay…. Okay!” Emma claps her hands together. “Wow! What the fuck?”

Ted scratches the back of his head. “Yeah. Linda’s… something. She’s certainly something.” He sometimes questions his friend’s choice in women, but at least Linda was hot so Ted didn’t completely blame him. “You okay there, Beck?”

“Yeah…” Becky nods a few times. “Yeah, I’m good. Just, uh. Just a little confused, that’s all.”

“That makes sense.” Ted really didn’t blame her. He eats a few more fries to recover before fishing his phone out of his pocket and texting Gerald congratulations on the engagement.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ted has his priorities straight and i guess so does charlotte

It’s a regular Thursday morning and Ted’s going about his day as usual: He’s sitting on the couch, watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills while eating chocolate cereal. It’s a good life.

His apartment feels strangely empty. Sure, he’s used to Grace being off to school and whatever, but it’s early August. She’s not in school. Instead, she’s off vacationing with their parents in Europe and sure, Ted could have gone with them if he wanted. He just really didn’t. So he’s here instead and that’s alright.

He makes a whole lot of plans for today and all of them include doing nothing, but then his phone buzzes and he checks it. It’s a text message and it’s from Charlotte:  _ Bored. Lunch? x _

A short message, but it’s right to the point and Ted can appreciate that. He writes back:  _ yeah, sure ! lulu’s @ 12 ? _

Charlotte sends back a thumbs up and the plan is on. Then Ted finishes breakfast and his episode before taking a quick shower. He puts on a nice but casual short sleeved button up, because sure Charlotte’s just a friend and whatever, but she’s a friend he doesn’t mind impressing.

The cool thing to do is absolutely showing up just on time or a few minutes late, but Ted’s there fifteen minutes early and he stands by that. He’s not about to let Charlotte wait and totally also something about being hungry too.

Now, usually he’d go inside and just chill with whoever was at work, but he’s just not feeling that today. He stands around outside and, well, eventually Charlotte shows up. She’s five minutes early and it makes the ten minutes he’s spent here feel alright.

“Hey!” He greets her with a hug. “Good to see you!”

She hugs him back. “Good to see you, too! I’m starving. Let’s go inside, yeah?”

He nods and they go inside. Emma’s at work and he offers her a big smile. “Hey. Emma, right?”

“It literally says on the uniform, ya dumb-dumb.” But at least she smiles while she says it. “What can I get you two?”

Charlotte spends some time looking at the menu and while Ted can respect that, he goes ahead and orders. “I’ll have the Jack D burger and a medium Pepsi.”

Emma nods and notes that down. Then she spends some time staring at Charlotte, who still haven’t made up her mind. “And you?”

“Oh!” Charlotte looks up and blushes a bit. “I… I’ll have the same.”

There’s something weird about the way Emma’s looking at Charlotte and not really saying anything. It’s like she’s trying to recall something without quite getting there. Eventually she just shrugs it off. “Aight. That’ll be 11.60 from the both of you, please.”

Ted insists on paying for the both of them and while Charlotte does refuse at first, it doesn’t take long for him to convince her. Then they go get seated in a booth by the window.

“So... “ Ted claps his hands together. “Boredom got the better of you, huh?”

She throws her head back and sigs, then laughs. “Being unemployed sucks. Like… imagine being on vacation, but it’s with your parents and all of your friends are other places and your parents have events planned  _ just  _ for them, so you’re just kind of… around and incredibly bored? But on top of being bored, you’re also just stressed all the time, because the owner of the hotel you’re staying on told you you can’t go home to all of your friends before you write a good enough reason, but he has to be the one to approve it. And also you have no money, so even if you’re twenty three, you have to rely on the kindness of your parents to get you by. And you’re in student debt.”

“Sounds like a pretty bad vacation.”

“It is!” She runs a hand through her hair. “It really is. God, I really want this vacation to be over.”

He nods. “I understand. And I wish it could be. You know Grace? My sister? She’s on a pretty similar vacation right now.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. It’s just, you know. A literal vacation with our parents and not figurative jobsearch related vacation. Grace is just… really bored and she really wants to go home.”

“Oh? Where are they at? Why aren’t you with them?” She tilts her head a bit to the side.

Ted shrugs. “Didn’t feel like it. My family can be a lot and I’m not about to spend two weeks with them willingly. Also, they’re in Spain. Somewhere on the coast. Some friends of theirs have an apartment, so they go every now and again.”

Their food arrives as he’s talking and Charlotte thanks Emma, while Ted just gives her a nod. She nods back so he assumes all is good.

“God, I love Spain.” Charlotte takes a big bite of her burger. “Oh, oh this is so good. What is it? Why is it so good?”

“You ordered blind?” She nods. “Alrighty. Uh, it’s just some Jack Daniels based marinade, I think? I haven’t asked, actually.” His phone buzzes. It keeps buzzing, so it’s a phone call and not a text message. “Do you mind?” Charlotte shakes her head, so he picks up the phone.

“Duuuuuude!”

“Hey Sam, what’s up?” Charlotte’s eyes widen at the mention of Sam.

“We should totally go out tonight.”

Ted rolls his eyes. “On a Thursday? Don’t you have work in the morning.”

“Yeah, but who cares?”

“Not you, I assume?” Sam confirms this and it makes Ted laugh a little. “While I would absolutely love to get hammered on a Thursday, I unfortunately have to work tonight, so–”

“No, dude. Just call in sick, it’s fine.”

“Call in sick at the bar I work at to go drink with you at our regular bar, which is the bar I work at?”

Sam doesn’t say anything for a while. “Yeah, it’s fine.”

“Nah, sorry. Maybe another time?” Ted suggests. It makes Sam call him boring, then hang up. “Sorry about that.”

“Oh!” Charlotte says. “It’s no problem, not at all.” She looks like she has more to say, so Ted doesn’t say anything. He just waits until she’s ready to go on. “Was that Sam?”

He nods.

“Sam Hendrickson? From high school?”

Ted nods again. “That’s the one. It takes him about a second to remember why that’s important. “Oh. You’re not, like… you’re not in love with him again, are you?”

“No!” Charlotte shakes her head a bit too quickly. “No, why would I be? That’d be silly. I’ve only seen him once since I got back to town and it’s not like there was ever anything between us. He’s just an old friend, that’s all.”

“Alright…” Ted doesn’t quite believe her but in his defence, he was also friends with her all through high school. He’s experienced how she gets around Sam.

She takes another bite of her burger and they eat in silence for a while. “But… you know. It’d be nice to catch up with him. You know, uhh. Like a friend.”

Ted nods. He had a feeling this might be coming. “And you want me to set up a way for you two to meet, totally naturally? So you two can reconnect… as friends, of course.”

“Yeah. Yeah, that’d be great. Thank you Ted, you’re the best.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i realize that we're most likely actually going to meet grace in nerdy prudes must die but for now, im just going to live happily imagining this is what she's like

The doorbell rings while Ted’s putting plates on the table and it’s strange, because his guests aren’t supposed to arrive for another hour. Maybe it’s Charlotte, he thinks to himself as he makes his way over to the door. She seems like the type who might be early.

But no. It isn’t. It’s his sister and she’s standing outside his door, smiling innocently. “Hello, beloved brother. Thank you for opening the door for me. You’re probably wondering, ‘ _ Grace Chastity, my beloved sister who I love saying the full name of despite it being severely unnecessary, why haven’t you let yourself in with the key to the apartment that you have? _ ’ And you see, that would be because they’re in my r–”

“I don’t care. You’re so right, good job.” He interrupts her and she looks absolutely devastated for a second, but then just rolls her eyes at him. “How was Spain?”

“It was alright. We went hiking up this river thing that was not  _ really _ a river and it was, like, between two cliffs and it was really beautiful, and then–”

“Cool, cool. Drop your things off and find somewhere else to spend the evening. I’m having guests over. Can’t you ask if Alice can have you over? Or Avery? Or D– Is her name Delight? Do you really have a friend named Delight or am I just making this shit up?”

“Yeah, her name is Delight, what about it?” Grace raises an eyebrow at him and then waits expectantly. He doesn’t say anything. “Wait, are you serious?”

Ted nods. “Dead serious. Now if you wouldn’t mind, get the fuck out.”

She shakes her head at him as she drags her suitcase into her room. “Na-ah. No way. You’re– You’re unbelievable, is what you are! I  _ just  _ got home from Spain where I’ve been with mom and dad, mind you, and you’re going to throw me out? Already?” He nods. “I hate this fucking family.”

“Didn’t your parents tell you not to swear?” He’s being hypocritical and he knows it, but what’s she going to do? Stop him? “Listen… It’s just for a few hours. And I’ll owe you one.”

She stops and considers his offer for a while. Then she shakes her head. “No way. But nice try. Also, you swear all the time, you dumbass. I’ll just… cook dinner now and stay in my room until your weird friends leave.”

Before he has the chance to protest, she’s in her room and the door is shut behind her. He supposes it’s fine, because if she really promises to stay in there, there should be no issue with it at all. And also because arguing seems a lot harder than just letting her do her thing. So instead of wasting any more time, he just resumes to cooking.

The food’s almost done when he hears the doorbell go off and he figures leaving the kitchen for a moment can’t hurt, so he goes to open the door. “Linda!”

He’s immediately met with a hug. Not a tight, warm one, no, but one of those one arm, kiss on the cheek hugs that Linda seems to enjoy. “Theodore!”

“Ted.” He corrects her. Again again.

“Ted!” Gerald chimes in and thank God. Gerald also gives him a one armed half hug, but he leaves out the kiss on the cheek and honestly? Ted is grateful.

They compliment his apartment, he thinks. Gerald’s been here before, but Linda has not and she calls it cute and that can only be a good thing. As much as he appreciates the company of his friends, he also appreciates being able to excuse himself to the kitchen to take care of the rest of the food.

When the doorbell rings again, he calls for Gerald to open it, which he does. Judging by the voice he can hear from the other room, Charlotte has arrived and is greeting the other guests.

And sure enough! Mere moments later, she enters the kitchen. “Hi Ted.”

“Charlotte!” He leaves cooking for a moment to give her a hug. Unlike the two others, she pulls him down for a proper hug and he totally doesn’t linger a moment too long, because that would be stupid and he’s not stupid. “Good to see you. Can I get you to do me a favor now that you’re here?”

She nods. “Absolutely. What do you need?”

“A second opinion. Does this need more salt or am I just going crazy?” He dips a teaspoon in the sauce he’s making and hands it to her. Instead of taking the spoon, Charlotte opens her mouth and Ted blinks a few times before getting his shit together and just feeding her.

She makes a thoughtful face and he’s sure the silly expressions she throws in there are very planned out, because she smiles at him after and  _ God _ , who allowed her to be this adorable even after all this fucking time? It was bullshit. “I mean, you might still be going crazy, who knows, but yeah. More salt is a good idea.”

“Thank you.”

“No problem.” She smiles again and Ted mentally crushes that little flutter in his heart that got him nowhere during all of fucking high school and that’s gonna get him nowhere now. “Do you need help with anything else.”

He doesn’t technically, but then the doorbell rings again. “Yes, actually. Can I get you to watch the sauce for me for a second? I just need to go get the door and then I’ll be right back.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” He says. She nods and swoops into his place in front of the stove and with that, he’s off. Unless Grace have decided to spite him, there’s only one possible option for who’s outside the door.

And sure enough. He opens it and is pulled into a hug. “Good to see you again, Ted. It’s been a while!”

He hugs her back. “Good to see you, too!”

There’s no way their hug gets to linger and they both know it, so they pull away and Ted is immediately met with yet another hug. “Bro!”

He laughs a little and claps Sam on the back. “Hey. Good to see you man.” After a while, he’s let go and he takes a few steps back. “I’m gonna go check up on the food real quick, you guys make yourselves at home.” And with a peace sign and a tongue click, he is off.

Then he goes to collect the sauce as well as Charlotte. Everything else is on the table and he’s ready for this small dinner party to start. “You ready?” He needs to make sure Charlotte is too.

“Yeah.” She nods, confidently. “Yeah, I am. It’s going to be nice seeing Sam – and all the others – again. Yeah!”

“Good.” He smiles. She clearly seems excited and that’s good. It’s better than nervous. Together, they make their way out into the living room. “Welcome everyone. Everyone, this is Charlotte. Charlotte, that’s Gerald, of course, and his fiancé Linda.” He points to the couple who offers her smiles in varying warmth. “And that’s Sam and his girlfriend Zoey.” He sees Charlotte’s face drop as he introduces Zoey, but any sign of that quickly disappears as Sam walks up to greet her in a hug.

Why are high school crushes dumb? And who allowed them to take so long to go away?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when will people's will to call ted ted return from the war

Getting seated isn’t an issue. Neither is eating, really. It’s a lot of the usual, although his friends seem to be acting a lot nicer than they usually do. He figures it’s because of their ‘guest’, as Gerald keeps referring to Charlotte as. Sure, she knows Gerald and Sam from back in high school, but she wasn’t nearly as close with them as she was with Ted. And she hasn’t been spending time with them while she’s been back.

Linda’s the only one who’s acting exactly like she usually does. It doesn’t help when he pulls out the third bottle of red. She shows off her wedding ring, mostly to Zoey but also kind of to Charlotte. It’s not really an issue, per say, but Ted finds her a bit annoying. Why is she so proud of being engaged anyway? She’s only twenty and so’s Zoey. They have plenty of time to get married later.

Wait. Fuck. Zoey and Linda are only twenty. He shouldn’t be giving them alcohol, should he? Then he realizes how often they’ve gotten drunk together in the past, how little he cared about alcohol laws when he was twenty _and_ that he’s not at work, so technically no one can stop him. Or at least no one’s going to. It’s fine.

“So, Charlotte!” Linda asks, shuffling a bit closer. “I meant to ask earlier, but it _totally_ slipped my mind. Our dearest Theodore–”

“Still Ted.”

“–Chastity here doesn’t usually bring any girls along to our little gatherings. Sure, he brings girls home when we’re out on the town, but he’s never once brought one to a dinner party like this. You must be truly special. How long have you two been together?”

Silence spreads in the room as no one says anything for a while. Zoey and Linda are both completely clueless and so is Charlotte, but just in a very different way. It’s especially evident when she starts laughing after it dawns on her that Linda’s serious.

“Wait, really? You think we–” She laughs. Ted laughs along, but his laugh is a bit more forced than hers. “Ted, she thinks we’re– _God_ , imagine. Ha!”

He smiles and it’s also kind of forced, because boy! He doesn’t find it anywhere near as funny as she’s making it out to be. But it’s whatever, he shakes his head a little and shrugs it off. “Yeah… yeah, that’d be _so_ weird, right?”

“Totally weird.” _Ouch_. But he did ask for it, so it’s not like he can really blame her. “No, no no no. Ted and I are just really good friends. He’s been helping me find my footing now that I’m done with college and back in Hatchetfield. I couldn’t ask for a better friend.”

She laughs a bit again. Sam and Gerald kind of joins in on it and eventually, so do Linda and Zoey. Sam, the true bro that he is, pats Ted’s shoulder a couple of times when the laughter dies down. “I’m so happy we can laugh about this now.”

Ted has a sneaking suspicion that he knows where this is going, so he sends Sam a look of _don’t you fucking dare_.

Unfortunately for Ted, Sam absolutely fucking dares. “Did you guys know that back when we were in high school,” he points to himself, Ted, Gerald and Charlotte. “Teddy here had the biggest crush on Charlotte?”

“What, really?” Charlotte tilts her head a little to the side, but Ted can see her leaning forwards towards Sam.

Sam nods. “Yeah. He would not shut up about you. We kept encouraging him to ask you out just to get him to shut up.”

Charlotte laughs a little and so does Sam and Gerald. Linda joins in, but Zoey just sends Ted a small smile. He appreciates it. Then he reaches out for the red wine.

“Ha ha. Very funny story, thank you Sam.” He rolls his eyes, because how can he not? “God, why do I ever trust you guys with my secrets?”

Both Gerald and Sam shrugs. “I don’t know.” Gerald says.

“Either it’s because we’re your friends or because you’re an idiot.” Sam adds. “Or maybe it’s both. Could be both.”

“It’s probably both.” Gerald concludes. Him and Sam nod at each other and that settles it. Ted’s an idiot and Gerald and Sam sure are his friends.

He puts a hand up to his chest about where he thinks his heart is and acts hurt. He’s not really hurt. It’s all fun and he knows that. Also, he doesn’t _like_ Charlotte again. That’d be silly of him. He is however a tad dramatic and no one at this table can take that away from him.

The remainder of the evening passes without anyone mentioning Ted’s previous crush on a certain Charlotte Dewitt and – while he totally doesn’t care about her knowing – it’s nice. He prefers doing the teasing to the being teased.

Eventually, his dinner party comes to an end and he says goodbye to everyone. Gerald and Linda are the first to leave, as Gerald have to meet early tomorrow. Next are Sam and Zoey. Sam gives him another big hug and makes him promise they can go out drinking again soon.

Then there’s just Charlotte left. “I guess this is goodnight, huh?”

“Nonsense!” She shakes her head and starts picking up some plates. “I’m helping you clean up.” A door creaks open and his sister steps out. “Hi Grace!”

Grace offers them a peace sign before heading to the kitchen. “Hey Charlotte.”

“You really don’t have to.” Ted says and begins to help clear the table as well. “It’s not an issue at all and I think I can handle it on my own, you know.”

Charlotte nods a few times, then makes her way towards the kitchen. “I’m sure you can.” Ted follows her. “So hey, question.”

“Answer.”

She shakes her head instead. “Did you really have a crush on me back in high school?”

Confronting him? Like this? When they were almost alone in his kitchen pretty late in the evening? Cheap. “No I didn’t. Sam just thinks he’s funny.”

“He’s lying.” Grace chimes in. “Not about Sam. I do genuinely think Sam thinks he’s funny. But Teddy was _so_ in love with you, it was annoying.”

He turns to face his sister with a look that says _I’ll fucking kill you, shut the fuck up_. “Isn’t it past your bedtime?” She flips him off and then goes back to her room. “Sorry about her.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Charlotte asks as she helps load the dishwasher. “You could have just told me, you know.”

“Yeah.” He nods. “Didn’t want to, though. Besides, you’d already told me you were into Sam when I realized.” Not completely true, but close enough. “It felt kind of unnecessary.”

“Love is never unnecessary.”

He shrugs. “Maybe you’re right, maybe you’re not. Guess we’ll never know.”

“Yeah. Guess we never will.”

They look at each other for a moment and while Ted doesn’t mind looking at Charlotte at all, it still feels like a moment too long, so he clears his throat and makes his way back out to the living room, where he instead starts asking questions about Sam.

She’s excited to see him again, just like he thought she’d be, and she doesn’t really like Zoey. It’s not like she’s still in love with him – totally not like that at all! “That would be silly,” she tells him. And she’s not silly.

But she does want to try spending a bit more time with her. And there’s nothing wrong with that, she says before hugging him goodnight.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're doing two chapters today because it's my fic, i can post whenever i like

Ted goes to bed almost immediately after Charlotte leaves, because tomorrow is Sunday and he knows what Sunday means. He doesn’t fall asleep right away, because part of his brain won’t shut up and it’s annoying. He’s tired and he has to wake up early tomorrow: He doesn’t have time to think about Charlotte.

And sure enough, the following morning he is awakened by the same thing that wakes him up every single Sunday morning. The sound of his doorbell being rang and his door being knocked on, all happening simultaneously.

He does as he always does: Sighs loud as he rolls out of bed, puts on some pants and reluctantly goes to open to door. He looks like he’s just woken up and that’s because he has. His parents, however, looks like they’ve been awake for some time. At least enough time to have dressed up for church.

“Good morning Theodore.” His mother pulls him in for a hug. It’s just a loose one and he doesn’t mind that part. She kisses his cheek and pushes past him. “Is Grace awake yet?”

He shrugs. “The fuck should I know?” She sends him a stern look that says  _ Don’t you swear! _ , but he doesn’t really care. It’s his apartment. “How was Spain?” He turns to his dad as he asks.

“Oh, it was marvelous. Just wonderful.” He takes off his coat and hangs it up, which usually means that they’re planning on staying until they  _ have  _ to leave. And seriously? Fuck that. “Theodore, my boy, would you mind going to check on your sister?”

He sighs, because he doesn’t really want to and because they’re always like this. Coming into his apartment early Sunday morning and demanding to take Grace to church. Unfortunately, he’s learned that the best way to get rid of them is to just do as they say, so he nods. “Yeah, yeah. Sure.” The door to her room is closed and he’s not about to open it, because he respects her boundaries and whatever, so he just lightly kicks the door a few times. “Rise and shine, dip shit!”

“Theodore!” His mother exclaims. “That is not how we raised you.”

“Whatever.”

A few groans and minutes later, Grace exits her room. She quickly greets their parents and then she’s off to the bathroom to get ready. When she’s finally dressed, the entire family gathers around the table and Ted decides that he’s not having it.

He knows there’s a long time ‘til church, but he’s willing to throw Grace under the bus if it means he can avoid seeing their parents. “Well! It’s been great having you guys over, but I have some things I need to do, so I’m afraid I’m going to have to throw you out! Sorry, guys. But have fun at church, yeah?”

They protest, because of course they do. They always do. Grace even pouts at him, but he’s unphased after years and years of having to endure siblingship with her. They eventually leave his apartment and Ted’s left to attend his very important plans: Not getting dressed for another two hours and watching Strictly Come Dancing on the couch.

When Grace comes home, he’s finally put on some clothes. He’s still on the couch, however, and he’s only just begun to eat breakfast. She asks him why he is the way that he is and he shrugs and blames it on bad parenting. Then she gets her own bowl of cereal and joins him on the couch to watch more bad reality tv.

Sundays are sometimes nice, because sometimes he’s able to just chill with Grace when she comes home and not think about much else. But this Sunday, however, is a workday, so after they’ve had leftovers from yesterday for dinner, Ted ruffles her hair, says goodbye and goes off to suffer alongside Paul for a couple of hours.

“How was the dinner party?” Paul asks almost immediately when Ted steps behind the bar. There’s not many customers, with it being a Sunday night and all, so they’re probably good for talking.

Ted shrugs. “Fine.” He doesn’t know exactly how much to tell Paul. Sure, they were friends in high school and all, but they weren’t nearly as tight as he, Sam and Gerald had been, so he didn’t know what to tell him. “How was… whatever you were doing yesterday?”

“Also just fine.” Paul leaves him for a moment to go attend a regular, but when he’s back, he has more things to say. More questions as well. “I was at work, you know. So it wasn’t anything special. Grabbed some coffee next door before work, which was nice and refreshing. Hey, do you by any chance know the cute waiter from Lulu’s next door?”

“What, Becky?” Becky was cute, sure, but he didn’t think she’d be Paul’s type. Now that he thought about it, he honestly had no idea what Paul’s type was. Maybe they should go to town together sometime.

“Uh, maybe? I don’t know, okay? That’s why I’m asking you.”

“There’s multiple waiters in there. You can’t expect me to know all of them!” He wasn’t going to tell Paul that he did in fact know all of them. The manager, too. And he’d even said hi to one of the chefs. But some things should stay secret and this? This was one of them.

“That’s fair. It’s just… she’s really cute and I–”

Ted cuts him off. “Paul? I don’t care.”

It’s a rather boring and uneventful night. And sure, he has Paul. But Bill isn’t at work because they don’t serve food on Sundays, so he can’t even go out back and bully his coworker. So he considers texting Charlotte to come by.

Maybe it’s a bad idea. He doesn’t want her to get the wrong idea, he doesn’t want her to think he likes her again. Because he doesn’t. He’s just bored and she’s good company and there’s nothing wrong with that.

He reaches for his phone and clicks the text message icon, but before he can find Charlotte’s name, the door opens. He looks up, hopeful that Charlotte might have somehow heard his silent prayer and decided to stop by on her own, but she hasn’t.

However, the human-shaped person who steps through their door is not unknown to him and while he doesn’t believe in signs from the universe, Emma is interesting enough for him to put his phone down.

She tilts her head a bit to the side and looks at him with a raised brow. Which is fair. He hasn’t exactly told her much about himself, but he’s stopped by while she’s been at work a fair few times. He figures he should break the silence. “Emma?”

“Guy with very strange and short, but loud friend.” Probably Linda. She acknowledges his existence and what more can he ask? “Theodore?”

Yikes. “Just Ted. What can I get you, Emma?”

“I’ll take a beer. The cheapest you got that doesn’t taste like piss,” she says and he nods, going to prepare her drink. “Also, please put an ice cube in it!”

He does just that and while he’s pouring, Paul walks up next to him. “I thought you said you didn’t know all the employees!” His voice is hushed.

“Yeah, so?” Ted doesn’t care about volume.

Paul leans back a bit and throws a look in Emma’s direction. Ted knows this, because he follows his friends glance, but also because he sees Emma awkwardly wink at him. “That’s her! That’s the cute waitress!”

Emma was a lot of things, but cute was hardly a word Ted would use to describe her. She had cursed at him a fair few times when he’d come into Lulu’s in the early AMs for coffee and she’d been half-asleep behind the counter. She was… something. Charming, maybe, but certainly not  _ cute _ .

“Emma? That’s… a choice.” He makes a face at Paul before returning to Emma with her beer and her ice cube. Then he spends the rest of his evening talking to her, because she has more interesting things to say than Paul and interesting is just what he needs.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> second chapter of the day and honestly, good for charlotte!

It’s late August by now and while Grace is stressing about school starting up again, Ted is just going about his life as usual. There’s nothing different about today. It’s just another regular Friday night which means he has to work yet again.

Bill’s at work too and while Ted usually finds some entertainment in bothering his coworker, he’s just not feeling it tonight. Besides, it’s almost busy and for a bar like David’s Corner, almost busy is quite an experience.

He almost doesn’t notice when the most important customer steps through the door. But only almost, because how could his eyes not automatically be drawn to her? Especially when she calls his name. “Ted!”

“Charlotte!” Of course it’s Charlotte. But it’s a different Charlotte. This one is dressed in a short black dress, her hair is up and she’s wearing more makeup than Ted recalls her usually wearing. He quickly finishes the drink he’s mixing and walks up in front of the seat she’s taken. “You’re looking good. What’s the occasion?”

“Oh, you know…” She curls the little bit of free hair she has around her finger and smiles while looking down. It’s adorable and Ted hates how undeniable that fact is. “I was just, you know, out with a friend for dinner and… yeah.”

He narrows his eyes a bit, as he has a sneaking suspicion about who this friend might be judging from her… well, everything. “And this friend, was it–”

“It was Sam.”

He thought so. It makes sense. Charlotte had always been head over heels in love with Sam, so why wouldn’t she still be? “Well, that sounds nice. You two had fun?”

“Yeah.” She nods eagerly and while, sure, part of him feels a little jealous, he’s happy to see her happy. And he’s not jealous of Sam! Totally not. He’s just never had a friend willing to dress up for him, that’s all. “We were just celebrating.”

“Oh?” Ted raises an eyebrow. “Celebrating?”

She nods again, this time even more eagerly. “I had an interview earlier today at this new, small tech company, CCRP. They’re selling and distributing printers. They called me back just before dinner and… I got it!”

“Wait, really?”

There’s a big smile on her face as she nods yet again and Ted finds himself smiling widely too. He knows how much this job hunt has bothered her and he’s so happy she’s finally found something.

Yeah, maybe Ted shouldn’t leave his position behind the bar, but what’s David Davidson going to do when he’s not there? Stop him through telepathy? “Congratulations!” Ted leaves and goes to hug Charlotte and she hugs him back and it’s nice. Hugging Charlotte is nice.

He pretty quickly finds his way back behind the bar and goes to refill someone’s drink before returning to Charlotte, who orders a mojito that he insists on paying for. “But I just got a job, I can pay myself,” she argues.

“Yeah, but you’re my friend and you just got a job. I want to give you this.”

She looks at him with an intense stare, eyes narrowed and brows furrowed. He mirrors this look and for a moment or two, they just keep eye contact. Then she relaxes her face and smiles instead and he mirrors this as well. “Alright, fine. I’ll let you pay for my drink.”

And so he does. He makes it as well and she happily takes a sip when he hands it to him. Ted doesn’t know a lot of things compared to college graduate Charlotte Dewitt, but he does know that she makes him smile a lot more than he does when she isn’t around and he knows that having her visiting while he’s at work is a lot better than having her not be there.

“So can I expect you to be sticking around ‘til my shift ends again?” He asks after she finishes her first drink.

She’s sitting with the glass in her hand and is seemingly having a staring contest with it. It reminds him of the looks other patrons – as well as himself – give their glasses when they consider whether they should be responsible or have another drink.

It seems Charlotte decides to settle on being responsible. “I’m afraid not.” She offers him a sad smile and in return, he nods understandingly. “The position I got is currently also covering weekend shifts and I told them I was ready to start immediately. They really took me up on that, so I need to be there at eight. I should probably take my leave, huh?”

He nods. Before he has the chance to say goodbye, someone clears their throat and Ted turns to face another familiar face: A tall blonde boy who looks just a little too young to be in a bar. “Hey Teddy, can I have a beer? Guinness. Thank you, you’re the best.” He slides money over the counter and smiles innocently.

Ted doesn’t trust like that. “Hey Avery. It’s still Ted. You don’t get to call me Teddy just because you’re friends with Grace. Can I see some ID?”

“Yes, sir!” Avery quickly throws him some finger guns, before pulling some ID out of his back pocket and handing it to Ted.

After inspecting it for a few moments, Ted hands it back. “No offense, but get yourself a better fake ID, dude. And get out of my bar. What are you? Sixteen?”

“Eighteen,” he corrects him. “But alright. See you around.” Avery winks to him before leaving.

Ted just flips him off in return. Then he turns back around to see if Charlotte is still there. Luckily, she is. Unluckily, she leaves right after when they’ve had a chance to properly say goodbye.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ted,,, smart

A Wednesday afternoon in the middle of September, Ted gets a call from Sam Hendrickson himself who asks him if he wants to hit town tonight. Ted tells him that while it sounds fun in theory, it’s a Wednesday. It’s not going to be as fun as they want it to be.

“You’re boring,” Sam tells him.

Ted just agrees because he can’t be bothered to argue with that. Then he suggests they go tomorrow night instead. At least Thursdays see a little more life. Luckily, Sam agrees to his suggestion.

Before hanging up, Ted remembers something. “Hey Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“Can Charlotte come?” He tells him it’s because she’s still a bit lonely in town and because he thinks it’ll be good on her and while that is not completely untrue, it’s not his true motivations for asking. Charlotte will be happy for an excuse to see Sam and he knows it, so he’s going to try to make it happen for her and hope she appreciates it.

Sam tells him that she obviously can. Then they agree to go to a fun club, one in Clyvesdale, rather than to Ted’s workplace and then hang up after saying their goodbyes.

Instead of putting his phone down, Ted finds Charlotte’s name in his contact list and calls her up immediately to tell her of the plans. Unsurprisingly, she says yes.

Ted gets a text message, informing him his taxi is here. Seeing that Grace is out of the apartment for the night, staying at Alice’s, he locks when he leaves. Part of his agreement with Charlotte is that he’ll come and pick her up in a taxi so they could go together. His excuse is that it’ll save them some money if they go together, but part of him just wants to see Charlotte alone for a bit. And where was the crime in that? They’re friends. It’s only normal.

He shoots her a text message as they turn down her street to let her know they’re there and as soon as the taxi stops moving, he gets out.

Not even a minute passes before the door to Charlotte’s apartment building opens. Out steps Charlotte and Ted can feel his jaw dropping, just a little bit, which he quickly shakes off in hope she doesn’t notice. He’s a simple man: He sees a pretty girl in a low cut dress and he is impressed.

They say hi and she pulls him down in a hug, which he gladly accepts. Then he opens the door for her and when he himself have gotten in soon after, they’re off to Clyvesdale.

“Oh, Ted. I have just one quick question before we go in,” Charlotte says as they get out of the taxi. The club they’ve agreed to meet at is right in front of them and Ted can’t think of a possible reality where Sam isn’t already in there. “Do you think Sam’s really alright with me coming?”

He smiles. “Isn’t it a bit late to think about that?”

“I don’t know! Hey, don’t you laugh at me.” She playfully punches his arm and it doesn’t stop him for laughing. “Do you?”

“Yes. Yes I do. He sounded excited to see you.” Ted allows himself to stretch the truth a little. Sam didn’t not sound excited to see her, but Sam’s generally an excitable person and he was already hyped up about Ted saying yes to go clubbing when he brought up Charlotte. It’s probably alright.

It also seems to make Charlotte relax a little bit. She nods to him or herself, he’s not entirely sure. “Alright. Alright, let’s go in.”

And in they go. They pretty quickly locate Sam, who’s in the middle of chatting with the bartender. There’s not a lot of people in the club which Ted thinks is fair. It’s a Thursday, after all. Plus, it’s still rather early. There’s still time.

Sam greets them by pulling both of them into a hug and Ted can see how Charlotte’s face lights up when he hugs her. There’s nothing wrong with that, Ted reminds himself. It’s just how it is. People are allowed to be happy to see each other and no, he does not have a crush on Charlotte again, stop asking!

They order drinks. Sam already has a beer, but he orders another one and it does not surprise Ted at all. Charlotte, also unsurprisingly, orders a mojito.

Ted debates whether he wants to get drunk or enjoy a glass of whiskey, but he lands on drunk and orders a Cosmopolitan, because both Charlotte and Sam already know his deep dark secret anyway. It comes with a little yellow umbrella and that delights him greatly.

It’s not that Ted regrets inviting Charlotte. It’s just that usually, Sam and him are the one talking when they’re out together, but now it’s mainly Charlotte and Sam who are talking, because she has so many questions it seems.

And it’s fair. It’s alright to have questions and it’s not like he’s stupid and doesn’t know her crush on Sam has clawed it’s way back to life from high school, unlike his crush on her that’s absolutely one hundred percent dead. Knowing and theoretically finding it alright just doesn’t stop it from being frustrating.

Ted’s on his fifth drink. He switched to red wine after the first two and he’s considering going to get another glass, but then he spots a familiar face. Zoey!

Maybe it shouldn’t spark joy, but it does. It sparks so much joy that he’s out of his seat and greeting her with a hug faster than even Sam, who usually much appreciates it when the girlfriend comes around. He’d rather desperately hug Zoey than sit through Sam telling Charlotte about the annoying Craig from back when he was still in training, because he’s already heard that story and he’s already tired of Charlotte looking like that at Sam, not him.

Shortly after, both Sam and Charlotte gets up to go say hi, Sam much happier to see her than Charlotte. While the couple catches up with a little kissing, Ted slides into the seat next to Charlotte.

“Sorry I’m so late guys!” She says as she also finds a seat. Sam slides in next to her rather than Charlotte and it shouldn’t feel like a tiny victory, but it does.

“I didn’t even know you were coming.” Charlotte doesn’t  _ look  _ disappointed but Ted still suspects she might be.

She laughs a little. “Yeah, sounds like Sam to forget to catch everyone up. Gosh, I’m so happy to be here, practice was really dragging out.”

“She’s a theater major,” Sam fills them in. “They do shows.”

The group sit around the table and small talk some more. They order another round of drinks and before those are gone, the club is finally beginning to look like there’s life. Then Sam pulls a typical him-move. He asks Zoey to go dancing and before they know it, they’re out there.

Sam’s not a good dancer, so it’s mostly a lot of grinding mixed with the occasional makeout session mid-dancefloor. Pretty typical Sam, so Ted doesn’t bother looking. Charlotte, however? Charlotte looks a lot.

She eventually turns to Ted. “Do… you wanna go dancing?”

“Oh.” He considers for a moment. Is he willing to compromise his integrity for a chance to dance with Charlotte? “No.”

She nods a bit. “Why not?”

He shrugs. “I have a very strict no dancing rule.” He knows he’s not the best club dancer and having seen bad dancers embarrass themselves at David’s, he’d rather not join their ranks.

“They sure, uh… they sure look happy, huh?” She says after a while.

She’s not even looking at him, but he answers anyway. “Yeah. I guess that’s what it’s like when you’re in love. Are you… are you alright?”

“No… no, I don’t think I am.” A quick look in Sam’s direction shows that he’s given up on the dancing and has instead gone for the not-so-subtle making out against a wall. “I think I’m gonna call a taxi.”

Ted gets an idea. It’s not a good idea, but he doesn’t care. “Hey, wanna go back to my place?” He asks her. Platonically, of course. Because even if she looks absolutely beautiful and Ted can’t get her out of his mind, he’s not into her. They’re friends, that’s all. And she’s obviously upset at this Sam and Zoey thing. “We can watch a bad movie. Plus, I think I have snacks and possibly even more red wine.”

Charlotte looks between him and Sam a few times. Then she nods. “Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sometimes, people are dumb. and sometimes, people are named ted and charlotte

Charlotte informs him that their taxi will be here in five minutes and so, the friends make their way over to the couple. They’ve gone back and forth between dancing and making out a few times, but they’re back at making out when Ted and Charlotte arrive.

Because he knows them best and isn’t in love with any of them, Ted takes it upon himself to lightly tap Sam on the shoulder. The two break away from making out, only to look at them expectedly.

“I’m not feeling well, so I’m afraid we’re leaving. Let’s go out another time, yeah?” Ted says and fakes a cough. Maybe it would have been less convincing if they weren’t all at least slightly drunk.

Sam nods understandingly, before pulling Ted into a hug and telling him to feel better. Then Sam goes to hug Charlotte goodbye while Ted says goodbye to Zoey, who tells him to feel better soon.

Before he knows it, they’re out of the club and on their way back to his place in a taxi. Usually when he brings girls home like this, he puts his hand on their thigh while they’re driving, but he figures it’s probably not the best call with Charlotte right now. After all, they haven’t made out in the club and they aren’t on their way home to his place to hook up, so it hardly seems appropriate.

The ride is mostly silent, but Charlotte speaks up as they cross the bridge. “Thank you… for saying you didn’t feel well. You didn’t have to do that.”

“No problem. Sam’s usually difficult to convince going home is a good idea, so I really didn’t mind throwing myself under the bus.” It’s a handy trick he learned a few years back and he’s been very careful not to overuse it.

“Still. I appreciate it.” She smiles at him and takes his hand. He smiles back and gives her hand a little squeeze.

Before he knows it, they’re on his couch with a half-empty bottle of red wine in front of them. They’re watching a romcom and Ted isn’t entirely sure what it’s about, because they’re not really watching it. Mostly they’re just talking and drinking and laughing. It’s a lot more fun than clubbing, that’s for sure.

Suddenly, Charlotte points at the TV. “Why is she leaving?” She asks, turning to look at Ted again shortly after. “That is so stupid! He _obviously_ likes her too. She got no business leaving!”

It makes Ted smile. He didn’t expect her to actually know what was going on in the movie, seeing as they’d just talked about work, but she did and she seemed passionate about it. It was absolutely adorable. “I don’t know. Sometimes it’s just hard to see when someone likes you.”

“Like, you’re right. I’m not saying you’re not right. I’m just saying it’s stupid.” She crosses her arms and leans back on the couch a bit, landing just next to him. “He’s so obviously in love with her. He openly flirts with her and I don’t believe anyone could be so oblivious to that in real life.”

He raises an eyebrow at her and shakes his head a little bit, but doesn’t say anything. A moment later, the doorbell rings and seeing as Charlotte seems more caught up in the movie than he is, he goes to get it.

It’s the pizza they ordered, so he’s quickly back on the couch. He’s happy that Grace isn’t home, because he just knows she’d judge him for doing this and that’s another thing he doesn’t need. He’s got enough to worry about already.

Charlotte digs in almost immediately. She’s halfway through her first slice before she stops and looks at him very seriously. “Actually, hang on. I think I get it.”

“Get what?”

“How she doesn’t see it. Like, maybe it’s not that stupid, you get what I’m saying?” She asks and he nods because he absolutely gets what she’s saying. “It’s like… sometimes you’re really into someone and try to flirt with them, but then their theater majoring girlfriend comes along and ruins the whole night.”

She’s talking about Sam and Zoey. It’s a pretty logical conclusion to draw. “Charlotte, correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure that’s _not_ what’s happening in the movie.”

“I’m talking about Sam.” At least she’s finally owning up to it. He’s proud of her for that. “I think I unfortunately like Sam again.”

He nods. He’s seen that coming for a while. “That blows.”

“It totally blows!” She almost shouts it and immediately holds a hand up in front of her mouth. Then they make eye contact and both start laughing. “God, liking someone who’s in a relationship sucks, don’t you think?”

He shrugs. “I can imagine it would, yeah. I’ve personally never tried it, but I did have a crush on this girl who _really_ liked my best friend once and I imagine the experiences must be at least kind of similar, because that fucking sucked too.”

There’s a good chance he shouldn’t bring that up, but he’s drunk and they’re talking about feelings anyway. If not now, when?

Luckily, she smiles. She puts a hand on his cheek and gently runs her thumb up and down a few times. If someone were to ask him right now if his crush on Charlotte Dewitt had returned, he wouldn’t lie and say he wasn’t. And judging from the way he felt his cheeks heat up, he probably wouldn’t even be able to. “I’m sorry.”

“Eh, it’s not really your fault.”

“It kind of is, though.”

He shakes his head. “Absolutely isn’t. Like, yeah, maybe it’s your fault that you’re hot and kind and adorable and interesting, but I totally get why you were into Sam and I don’t blame you at all. He was pretty cool. A total catch. And I’m just… me. Not that me is bad. I’m just not Sam. And that’s not your fault.”

She looks like she’s about to argue with him on something, but he pulls back a little bit to grab another slice of pizza. If there’s one thing he knows it’s that talking about stuff sucks and that pizza’s way better.

They drop it and go back to watching the movie. Half of the pizza disappear and so does the leftover half of the red wine.

Somewhere along the way, Charlotte ends up leaning her head against Ted’s shoulder and it makes him smile. She also takes his hand and that makes him smile even more. God, feelings really are stupid.

When the movie finally ends, she spends five minutes ranting about how she didn’t like the main character. She tells him about all the things she would have done if she was in her situation and Ted just listens and smiles, because hearing Charlotte so passionate about anything even if it’s a drunken 2 am passion is an absolute joy.

“You know what? Sam’s really missing out.” She says.

He raises a brow in confusion, as he’s no longer following. “On what?”

Maybe it’s because he’s just started to think about it or maybe she’s just very good at subtlety moving closer, but Charlotte’s lips are suddenly very close to his and so is the rest of her face to his. In fact, her entire body has shifted closer to him and he can feel his heart as it starts beating faster. _Fuck_.

What’s happening? Is she going to kiss him? He thinks she might, because she’s eyeing his lips and she’s so fucking close. He can feel her breath on his skin and it would really not be that difficult to lean in, to close the distance, but he doesn’t do it. It’s her move.

She moves in just a little closer and he closes his eyes in anticipation, but it’s too soon because she ends up pulling back and laughing awkwardly. “I… was going to kiss you. That was really inappropriate and I’m sorry.”

“Hey, no no no. It’s fine.”

She shakes her head. “But it’s not. It’s not fair to you to kiss you just because I’m sad about Sam not being into me, despite the stupid fact that he has a girlfriend.”

It makes Ted laugh a bit. Then it’s his turn to move a bit closer. He places a hand on her hip and very gently pulls her body back towards his. Luckily for him, she lets it happen. “Fuck Sam.”

“Fuck him!” Now it’s Charlotte who laughs. The sound and the sight of her face as she does makes him smile and fuck, he really is still just as weak for the same girl after all these years, isn’t he?

She’s the one who closes the distance between their lips and he’s happy she is. Her mouth tastes like red wine and hope for a brighter future between them, one where they don’t have to worry about Sam or Zoey or anything.

Ted is usually careful about the girls he hooks up with. He always fucks them in a bed and he always wears a condom. He always imagined that Charlotte would be special and different, but not once did it cross his mind that special and different could mean messy condomless couch sex.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyway i just want to say that i appreciate emma

He wakes up to an empty bed.

It shouldn’t shock him, but it does. A lot of people have left after sex, even he has done that, but that doesn’t stop it from sucking. He tries to reason and tells himself that it’s only a good thing. It means that they don’t have to talk about it which means he doesn’t have to come clean about his feelings.

Which is a good thing. It doesn’t sound like a good thing, sure, but it is. Because yeah, maybe this was something more from him, but for Charlotte who’s into Sam? He can’t imagine it being more than a drunken hookup to make herself feel better.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. He’s happy to provide pity sex. It just kind of stings that it’s Charlotte he has to provide it to now that his feelings are acting up again.

Eventually, he gets out of bed. He leaves his bedroom to go take a shower, but he doesn’t quite get that far. Someone’s in the kitchen and yes, it could be Grace, but she’s not supposed to get home until after school.

So he changes his course and goes to the kitchen rather than the bathroom and sure enough, there she is. Charlotte. She’s in the middle of pouring something from a pan to two plates, but she turns around to look at him when he enters. “Good morning. I couldn’t sleep so I got up and I hope you don’t mind, but I’m making us breakfast.”

She smiles at him and he can’t help it but to smile back. “Morning. I don’t mind at all.”

“Good.”

She turns back to the plates and soon after, they’re back on the couch. This time, they’re watching something truly mindless: Real Housewives. Actually, Ted isn’t even sure if they’re really watching or if they’re just eating breakfast. She’s made them scrambled eggs and yeah, Ted finds a piece of shell in his, but it’s still good because it’s Charlotte.

The episode ends. Their plates are on the coffee table and their limbs have somehow become intertwined and it’s a nice moment. It’s a real shame it has to end, but he supposes it does.

And Charlotte has probably reached the same conclusion, because she’s untangling herself from him and getting up from the couch. “I should probably leave. I have some, uh. Some dishes. That I need to clean up before work tomorrow and… yeah.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” He nods. It makes sense. It makes more sense than her sticking around all day, even if that alternative sounds nicer.

He walks her to the door and waits as she puts on her shoes and jacket. Her hand is on the door handle and she’s ready to leave, but she looks up at him for a moment and he considers kissing her. It’s a bad idea, but they’ve already made one bad choice together. What’s the harm in one more?

Before he has the chance to go for it, she leans in and hugs him instead. And he supposes that it’s fine, because it is, but God. He wishes he could kiss her again and preferably without being drunk.

“See you around,” she says. Then she opens the door.

“Yeah, see you around.” She is out the door and it’s closed behind her. Ted stands there for a moment, then very softly bangs the side of his closed fist into the doorframe. “Fuck.”

Remembering that he has work in the evening, Ted sighs and goes to shower. He’s never been one for long showers, but today’s different. Today he has a lot to think about and a lot to reconsider.

Throughout the day, Ted considers texting Charlotte about a million times. He doesn’t do it. Of course not. She knows about his previous feelings about her, she’ll text him if she feels like this is something they need to talk about. But she doesn’t text him, so she must not want to talk about it.

Then Grace comes home. He feels tempted to tell her about it just to have someone to share his thoughts with, but he’s not about to talk to his sixteen year old little sister about how he rawed his childhood crush on the couch. So they just have dinner together and talk about nothing in particular.

At work, both David Davidson, Paul Matthews and Bill Fink are there, but as the night progresses, Ted grows more and more confident in the fact that he doesn’t want his boss and coworkers of all people to know what he gets up to in his free time, no matter how much it’s stressing him not to be talking about it.

Sam stops by during the night. Zoey’s with him and they wait around until he has a break. Sam encourages him to take a smoke on his break and not seeing the harm in that, especially with how stressed he feels, Ted agrees.

Once they’re outside, Sam quickly looks around and then catches Ted’s eyes. “Dude. When are you off? You should hang with Zoey and I when you are.”

“I don’t know, I–”

“Shh.” Sam cuts him off. “Before you say anything, just know that I scored us this from the evidence locker and it’d be pretty dope if you joined in.” While he speaks, he pulls out a small bag with white powder from his leather jacket and wiggles it in front of Ted’s face. Cocaine, he assumes. It  _ is  _ Sam, after all.

Ted laughs a bit. “Sorry. I already have plans after work, but you two knock yourself out.”

Sam calls him boring. They chat a bit more until Ted’s break is over, but not about Charlotte. Then they hug goodbye and the couple go off to do their own thing.

In a desperate attempt to stay sane, Ted visits Lulu’s after work and luckily runs into Emma who’s off in an hour. There’s no one else in the diner outside whoever’s in the back making food, so Ted decides that Emma’s gonna be the one to listen to all of his worries.

So he tells her. He tells her about Charlotte and about the dumb crush he had on her during all of high school and, yes, about how they had sex, but he doesn’t go in too much detail on that part because he’s tired and because he can see Emma is too.

“That fucking blows,” she tells him when he’s done ranting. He nods. “Do you wanna grab junkfood and listen to me complain about my stupid sister? In exchange, I’ll let you rant more about this Charlotte if you want.”

“Deal.”

They end up going to McDonalds. He appreciates Emma, he does. And her sister sounds like a piece of work from what he can hear.

“Oh wow, it’s late,” she suddenly notes. “I should get going. Gotta be awake for work tomorrow. You know how it is.”

“I don’t. I don’t have to work for the rest of the weekend.”

“Uh, fuck you?” She flips him off, but then hugs him goodnight.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is sponsored by friend i visited back in december's parents' conversation about snacks. also f

On October 10, Ted checks his mail and finds a letter. It’s an invitation and one for Gerald and Linda’s wedding, which is already taking place in February. Sure, the end of February, but it’s still February. 

He may be optimistic, but he lets them know that he’s bringing a plus one. He has a good feeling about Charlotte and he’s actually seriously considering asking her out on a date, which is huge for him. Dates and confronting feelings aren’t really his things.

On October 11, Ted tells Grace happy birthday before he leaves for work. Yeah, maybe he should have been a better brother and been awake before she left for school to do that, but he’s not. And at least he remembered her birthday. That’s gotta count for something, right?

“Hey Ted?” She asks before he leaves the apartment. She’s on the couch watching some show and he respects that.

“Yeah?”

“Bring snacks home, will you? We can watch a movie when you get home or something.”

It’s a good suggestion and he promises her that he’ll definitely do that and that no, of course he won’t forget even though he did last time she asked him to bring home snacks, he’s not going to make the same mistake twice.

While at work, Ted is extremely careful to continually tell himself to remember that Grace wants snacks when he gets home, because they’re going to watch a movie together and if that’s what she wants to spend her birthday doing, then that’s what she’ll get. It’s a rather slow night, so the reminders keeps his head filled with something.

Paul shows up at eleven which is when he’s supposed to be there, which means that Ted has another hour to go and while it’s nice to know that there’s _only_ an hour left, it’s also horrible to think about the fact that he has to make another hour pass.

At least it would be horrible if Charlotte hadn’t stepped inside just this second.

They’ve seen each other a few times since the incident as Ted’s started referring to their hookup as and they haven’t yet talked about it. He isn’t sure if it’s a bad or a good thing, but he’s been wanting to do something about it. He’s considered asking her out for a while and, well, why not do that tonight? Why not just get it over with.

He takes a deep breath and prepares himself for what he’s going to say when she reaches him, but she beats him to it and speaks up before he has the chance.

“Guess what!” She looks happy. Very happy, in fact. She’s smiling and he swears he can even see her cheeks turning a little red, but that might just be hopeful thinking. Is she excited to ask him something? Is _she_ going to ask _him_ out?

He isn’t sure what she’s looking for, so he just shrugs. “What?”

“Sam and I finally hooked up!” She squeals a little and Ted does his best to look like the smile on his lips isn’t the fakest thing in the room. “He showed me around the police station today after work and then…” Yep. She was definitely blushing. “Well, uh. Then he showed me his car later, where we…”

“Are you gonna order anything?” It slips and he curses to himself. He’s not supposed to let her know that it stings, so he tries to save it. “Also, that’s great! I’m sorry, it’s just been a really busy night until like ten minutes ago, so I’m a bit on autopilot. I didn’t know he and Zoey had broken up. Huh.” He considers for a moment if he’s willing to compromise his feelings a lot or just a little bit and ends up landing on a fuck it, if it makes her happy he’ll ask. “Was it everything you dreamed it would be?”

“Uhh, no. I’m leaving in a second, but… I don’t know, I figured I’d just let you know since you’ve always been so supportive of me. It’s nice to share the excitement with a close, good friend, you know?” He nods. He also regrets being a close, good friend. “Also, uh… they haven’t. So please don’t tell Zoey about this. But it was totally everything I dreamed it would be. _And_ more!”

He continues smiling as he tells her that he’s so happy to hear that. She seems so happy about it and he really does want to be happy for her, but right now it just kind of hurts and he hates that, so he’s kind of happy and relieved when she finally leaves. He’s never felt like that before. It’s strange.

Paul passes him while she’s leaving and Ted catches his eyes, only to very visibly roll them. It’s at Charlotte, but he still chooses to share his frustration with Paul by showing him the eye roll. That’s what forming friendship is really about, isn’t it?

A familiar face walks up to the bar. It’s the tall obnoxious boy Grace calls her friend. “Hey Ted, guess who’s back again?” Avery asks.

It makes Ted roll his eyes yet again. “What do you want?”

“Just a Guinness, thank you.” He slips his ID across the table.

Ted picks it up and inspects it. It’s certainly a lot better than the last one and had Ted not known that Avery wasn’t twenty one, he probably wouldn’t have been able to call him out on this one. “Consider me impressed.”

Avery bows and it’s kind of endearing, all things considered. He appreciates it, anyway. “So about that beer?”

“Just because I’m impressed doesn’t mean I’m stupid. Try not to be stupid either and go somewhere else.” He considers being kind and just sending him to Paul, but David’s there and Ted’s not going to risk it.

The apartment’s quiet when he gets home and he goes to knock on Grace’s door. “Hey you. Your annoying friend Avery came by today. Have you considered telling him to try another bar if he wants to buy alcohol?” He asks as he opens the door.

“Uh, no. And to be honest, I think you’d only see him more if I did.”

“That’s fair. So about that movie. You ready to watch or do you need more time?”

She looks at her laptop and then back up at him. “Well, that depends. Did you bring snacks?”

Fuck. “Nope. Forgot about that one.”

“Then no. Don’t have time to watch a movie right now.” She looks back down in her laptop and ignores him as he calls her a dumbass.

Eventually, she does join him on the couch and they put on a bad horror movie that they both end up enjoying. It’s better and way more enjoyable than thinking about Charlotte and Sam, that’s for sure.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk i just think they deserve to be happy ok /:

A Sunday afternoon towards the end of October, Ted’s usual plans to watch reality TV on his couch gets interrupted by a text message from Charlotte:  _ Hi Ted. Do you have time to come over? I’m having a bit of a rough day /: x _

He shouldn’t go, he tells himself. Ever since Charlotte and Sam first hooked up, that’s all she’s been telling him about and as much. Okay, that’s a bit of a lie, but it sure feels like it sometimes! And he’s not really in the mood to hear about the fact that she’s fucking his best friend, no thank you.

But it’s a chance to hang out with Charlotte. And she was upset when they hooked up like a month ago, so maybe things with Sam are over and he has an actual chance?

He texts back:  _ yeah ofc. leavin in 5. need me to bring anything ? _

She doesn’t, so he just heads straight to her place. He knocks on her door and she lets him in quickly and carefully so her cats don’t escape. They end up on her couch, where she sits cross legged with one of the cats, the one called Frumpkin as far as he can recall, in her lap.

They talk a bit about nothing important. Work mostly. It doesn’t take long for Ted to decide that he wants to ask what’s on her mind and why she called him here. What can he say? He’s curios. “So what’s up? What happened?”

She sighs, but follows it up with a weak laugh. He’s not sure what it’s supposed to mean but he accepts it “Just uh… Sam and I was supposed to go out tonight. Like… on a date. Not a real date, but… close enough, all things considered. But he cancelled and uh… I don’t know. It’s a silly thing to get upset over, I realize that, but… I was excited. I really wanted to go out with him and now I’m… not doing that.” She shakes her head a little bit and Ted watches as the cat crawls out of her lap. “It’s just stupid. It’s all so stupid.”

“I don’t think it’s stupid.” Ted takes a little pause to try to think through what he’s going to say next, but gives up. “I mean, yeah.  _ Sam’s _ pretty stupid for cancelling. You’re great and you don’t deserve to be cancelled on.”

“You’re too sweet.”

He shakes his head. “Tell you what. I know that Sam’s, like, super dreamy, a ten out of ten, whatever, but… what if I take you out on a date tonight instead?”

She tilts her head a bit to the side and seems to be in deep thought. Which is fair. It’s a sudden question and sure, he’s slept with her and flirted with her and desperately tried to make her realize that he’s into her, but it’s not like she’s been responsive outside when they hooked up, so it’s fine that she thinks about it. It’s so fine, he tells himself in an attempt to not say anything stupid to ruin all of his already slim chances.

After a while, she finally returns to the conversation. “Like a friend date?”

It makes him laugh. Just a little, though. “No, I was thinking like a real date.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” He nods. It’s really not going too well for him, is it?

“Hmm…” Her thinking face returns, but she’s not gone as long this time. “That sounds good. I’d like that.”

It’s not the most romantic date he’s ever experienced, but it’s a good time. He suspects the whole thing with her and Sam’s cancelled plans still bug her, because she checks her phone from time to time and that’s alright, because a date is a step in the right direction. A date is better than nothing.

They go play mini golf. Ted remembers her mentioning wanting to back on a school trip once, back before they had a place to do that in Hatchetfield, and it seems like it’s a good choice because Charlotte smiles widely when she realizes that that’s where they’re heading.

She’s a talented mini golf player. He thinks. He actually isn’t sure what talent looks like when it comes to mini golf, but she’s better than him so that has to count for something. And with every success comes a smile and he’ll be real, he really likes seeing that.

It doesn’t surprise him when she ends up victorious and he happily takes her bragging. He even more happily takes her hand when she offers it to him on their way out.

“Hey Ted?” She asks while they’re just strolling through a park to get to the place they’re supposed to eat.

“Mmhm?”

“Were you just letting me win? Be honest.”

He smiles, then shakes his head. “Absolutely not. Just because you’re cute doesn’t mean you get a free win.”

She laughs a little and he considers pulling her in for a kiss, but he’s still not sure where she stands. Sure, they’ve had a great time and sure, she’s holding his hand, but it doesn’t make it any less terrifying.

Advancing on dates is usually not a problem, because Ted usually doesn’t care about screwing up. But this is Charlotte and he’s wanted to go on a date with her for as long as he can remember. He can’t screw this up.

They eventually get to the restaurant and they order. And while Ted didn’t kiss her in the park, he does openly flirt with her while they wait for their food to be served and she flirts back. He appreciates it. It’s going well.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're entering a series of chapters that i've named "ted makes several bad decision". enjoy!

They decide to order dessert too and while they wait for that to be ready, Charlotte excuses herself to the bathroom. It’s fine because it means Ted has some time for himself to think through what’s going on. And he has a lot of thoughts.

She’s flirting back. That’s good, because it hasn’t happened too often. And she’s smiling and laughing and looking like she’s having fun. That’s undoubtedly good too, because that’s a pretty good sign she’s probably having fun. And having fun is good. Having fun is very good, in fact.

God, who knew going on a date with someone you actively liked would be so stressful? Who knew there’d be so many thoughts? It didn’t suck, because he gets to be with Charlotte, but it also kind of sucks.

Their desserts arrive and Charlotte’s still not back. He starts worrying, so he takes out his phone to see if she might have texted him and sure enough, she has:  _ Hey. So, SO sorry, but I’m feeling really sick and have gone home. Catch up another time? xx _

Two times x? That was new. Not bad, just new. He decides that it’s a positive and quickly eats his dessert, because yeah it sucks that Charlotte’s feeling bad, but he’s not just going to let food go to waste. He pays for their meal and decides to stop by a supermarket before he heads home.

He isn’t sure what’s wrong with Charlotte, but whatever it is can’t be good since she had to leave so suddenly. He picks up some chocolate, some soda and even a soup that just needs to be microwaved in case she needs something easy for tomorrow. Then he heads back towards Charlotte’s apartment.

Part of him wants to not text her and just show up totally unannounced, but he doesn’t want to be an asshole and leave her with no chance to be prepared, so he quickly sends her a text, asking her if she’s feeling better and letting her know he’s on his way.

She doesn’t answer before he snows up at her door and that’s fine. Maybe she’s sleeping. But there’s a bit of light coming out from under her door, so he assumes not. Then he knocks and hides the bag of goods he got her behind his back.

He can hear a little bit of movement from the otherside of the door and a few moments later, Charlotte opens the door. She’s barely dressed and she’s wrapped in a blanket, which makes sense with her being sick and all. “Ted. Good to see you. Why... are you here? Didn’t you get my text?”

He nods. “Yeah, I did. I wanted to check up on you and, you know… see if you were doing alright.” He sees her bedroom door crack open behind her. Sam pokes his head out from behind it and waves at him. He sighs and smiles sadly as he pulls the bag out from behind his back. “I got you this. But I can see you already have someone taking care of you, so I think I’m just going to take my leave.”

Then he drops the bag on the floor and turns around, immediately making his way back down the stairs. She calls out after him, but he’s tuning her out. Sure, maybe it’s not the most grownup thing to do, but he decides that he’s allowed to be upset.

Usually when Charlotte shows up at David’s, Ted feels excited. Happy even. Not this time, however. This time he’s just filled with a sense of dread and he rolls his eyes at the sight of her making her way towards the bar.

“What do you want?” He asks when she reaches him. He’s never wished for Paul to be at work so badly, but God, it would be nice if he was here right now.

“You’re not responding to my texts.”

He shrugs. “So what? I didn’t have anything to say.”

“Well, you have to say something!” She insists. He would argue he doesn’t. He’s entirely entitled to ignore her. “You can’t just not reply to me. It’s unfair!”

“What, and you leaving our date to go hook up with Sam, that’s fair?”

She crosses her arms. “I suppose it’s not, but you know how I feel about him! You can’t get mad about this!”

“I can. I can absolutely get mad about this. Me knowing how you feel about him has  _ nothing  _ to do with how I’m supposed to feel when you pull shit like this.” He’s happy she at least showed up on a slow day if she’s going to argue with him. “You knew how I felt about you and yet, you had no problem leaving our date to have sex, did you now?”

“Can’t you just be nice to me? Please?”

“Listen, sweetheart.” He smiles coldly. He’s not having this not today. “I  _ am  _ being nice. Now order something or get out of my line.”

There’s no one in line waiting to get their drink and when she decides she doesn’t want to order anything, he points her towards the door.

He’s allowed to take some time to cool down and get over this, he tells himself as she storms out. He’s allowed to be upset, he reminds himself when the feeling of regret suddenly decides to show up. He’s allowed to do whatever the fuck he wants to drown the feeling of pain, he agrees with himself as he downs a shot and goes home with a guy in a suit who talks too much but at least isn’t Charlotte.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "a guy in a suit who talks too much" from last chapter is, in my heart, gary goldstein, attorney at law, beloved and remembered

November’s truly what Ted would call a ride.

It takes some time for Ted to get over what happened with Charlotte. He wants to forget about it more than anyone, but it’s kind of hard when you’ve been in love with this girl since forever and she leads you on by letting you take her on a day and making you believe that maybe, just maybe, you have a chance and maybe you two can make things work, only to go sleep with your best fucking friend of all people.

And yeah. Maybe his state wouldn’t exactly be qualified as ‘over it’, but it’s way closer than he was just a few weeks ago. Part of it definitely comes from the fact that Charlotte’s apologized many, many times and that he finds it hard to stay mad at her.

He needs to stop thinking about Charlotte, he tells himself. And then he doesn’t.

She comes by the bar more often after they’ve made up and she tells him about Sam and he wishes she didn’t, but it’s probably his own mistake for saying it was okay the first time. He doesn’t know why he keeps listening. He’s partly invested in her happiness and happy that her and Sam are advancing… getting along… whatever, but he’s also partly jealous and sad. It’s a fun combination in approximately zero ways.

Then one night, the worst possible news, or so he thinks, arrives in the shape of Zoey. She pulls up by the bar and she doesn’t look too good. She looks sad, almost like she’s been crying and she orders five vodka shots.

“Are you sure that’s a good ide–”

She doesn’t let him finish. “Yes.”

“Alright.” And so he goes to fetch her just that. Five vodka shots, which she downs immediately. “So, uh. Do you want me to ask you what’s going on?”

She shakes her head. “Not really.”

Unluckily for Zoey, Ted doesn’t really care about what she wants and only asked to seem nice in case she  _ did  _ want him to ask. “What’s going on?”

“Can I have another shot?”

“Not until you tell me what’s wrong.”

Unluckily for Ted this time, he can’t actually require such things from paying customers and Zoey hands him payment for another shot, so he sighs and pours one for her. At least it gets her talking. “Sam… Sam broke up with me.”

Oh.  _ Oh _ . Yeah. This might as well happen. “I’m so sorry to hear that.” And he truly is. Just not for the right reasons. His reasons are far more selfish and they have to do with the fact that if Sam’s single, that means Charlotte’s chances are better and… yikes!

He pours Zoey another shot and yeah, sure, he’s not supposed to drink on the job, but who’s going to stop him? David? Who isn’t even here today? They down a shot in solidarity or at least that’s what he does. She just accepts that they’re drinking together.

“I just don’t get it,” she says after putting down the shot glass. “We were doing so well together. We were such a good couple. I thought we were going to last forever, you know?”

Morally, he should probably just tell her what’s going on, right? Like, she deserves to know the real reason why her boyfriend broke up with her? Then Ted remembers that morally, he’s also a friend of Sam. And Charlotte, but that’s less important in the contexts of Zoey.

Does he break the bro code, but ophold a higher moral ground and make a friend in Zoey, someone he can share his frustrations about Sam and Charlotte with? Or does keep his mouth shut for the sake of his best friend since he was three and his on and off crush for the past ten years?

“I… don’t know. I’ve never been in a committed relationship. The most real thing I’ve experienced in the last year is a date with a girl who left while we waited for dessert to hook up with someone she knew in high school.” He hasn’t quite made his mind up yet and doesn’t know how he’s going to land this yet, but he can’t just say nothing. “I thought she liked me. But all I learned was that love is kind of stupid and nothing lasts forever. I’m sorry Sam left you, I really am. But I don’t have answers. I’ll give you another shot, though?”

There’s a lot of things that are immoral. Like… hooking up in church. Like leaving a date to go fuck someone else. While those two examples were widely different, it’s the first two Ted can think of. And they’re totally worse than hooking up with your best friend’s sad, drunk ex, right? Right?

Paul disagrees with him. “You can’t just do that! What the actual fuck, Ted?”

“Strong coming from someone who’s already wearing a Christmas sweater. It’s the day after Thanksgiving, who told you this was a good idea?” Ted’s a man of many talents and a fair few of them include lying and talking around the subject at hand. “Seriously, it’s not a big deal. He fucked Charlotte, who I’ve been in love with for  _ ten years _ .” Yeah, he is stretching the extent of his affection a little bit, but who cares? “I can fuck his ex. They’d broken up! She asked me to hook up with her!”

“She was sad!”

Someone pulls up a chair at the bar. “Hey, what are we talking about?” It’s Emma.

“Nothing. We’re not talking about anything.”

Paul apparently doesn’t know how to take a hint. “Ted hooked up with his best friend’s ex and we’re talking about if he’s in the wrong for doing so. Also, nice Christmas sweater.”

“Thanks.” She smiles at him and then turns her attention to Ted. “The best friend who fucked Charlotte?”

“That’s the one!” Ted chimes in.

“Yeah, sorry Paul, but I’m with Ted on this one.” They high five over the bar and Paul sighs at the both of them.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> credit where credit is due. part of this chapter was inspired by this tumblr post: https://garygoldsteins.tumblr.com/post/190120743998

Sometimes, when you think something is really bad, that’s just a prelude to when things get much, much worse. In December, Ted realizes that November was just one of those preludes.

One of the things that happen isn’t the worst thing in the world, per say, but it still manages to annoy him even though he should have realized it back in November. Today is one of the worst instances. He’s walking to work. He and Paul are opening together, so it doesn’t surprise him to see Paul on the way.

Paul is wearing a Christmas sweater. A new one, or at least one Ted hasn’t seen before. It doesn’t surprise him, because Paul’s been wearing a different one every single day Ted’s seen him since Thanksgiving. It’s not the worst thing in the world. Sure, it’s ugly, but he can survive that.

No, the bad thing that happens is Emma. They meet her outside and she’s  _ also  _ wearing a Christmas sweater. Ted’s about to make a snarky comment, but before he has the chance, Emma throws some finger guns in Paul’s direction. “Ayyyyy!”

“Ayyyyy.” Paul’s response is definitely weaker than Emma’s, but the two proceed to high five. “Christmas crew.”

“Christmas fucking crew!”

“You guys are the worst,” Ted informs them as he goes to unlock the door to David’s. So maybe it’s not terrible, horrible, no good, very bad, but it’s annoying and it makes him want to throw up in his mouth a little bit.

It doesn’t get better the second, third or even seventh time it happens. But at least the seventh time, Ted can feel he’s grown so tired of it happening that he just have to comment on it.

“Paul. Paul. Listen. What’s up with the whole… ‘Christmas crew’ thing? You’re not gonna ever fuck her if you keep just high fiving her and saying that lame fucking phrase over and over again. You know that right?”

Paul opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out at first. “That’s… not what this is about.”

“Oh yeah? You don’t want to fuck her? Then say that to me, right now. ‘I, Paul Matthews, do not want to fuck Emma the waitress from next door’. Say it.”

“I, Paul Matthews, do…” Paul stops and shakes his head a little. “This is ridiculous. You’re ridiculous. I’m gonna go back to working, ‘cause uhhh… I have a job. Yeah. I have a job that I need to do, so I’m going to do that. And not this. Because this? This is stupid. Yep. So stupid.”

He lets Paul live in the belief that he’s convincing and that Ted’s done, but when the ‘Christmas crew’ thing happens  _ again  _ the day after, Ted tells Paul to get his shit together and just ask her out already. He tells him this in front of Emma, of course, and then leaves them to sort their stuff out.

Okay. Admittedly, it isn’t Paul and Emma who makes December awful, but they do contribute and Ted feels they still need to be called out for their Christmas crew sins. It’s nothing compared to the many updates he gets from Charlotte about Sam.

One day, he’s at Charlotte’s and they’re casually hanging out and watching a movie and she’s on her phone, texting Sam. It’s fine. It’s not the worst that happens. She leaves to go to her bedroom for a second and he hears her through the wall.

“Hello officer. You need to come to arrest me right now, I’ve done something  _ very  _ bad.” God, Ted wishes he wasn’t here right now. “I stepped on my cat’s teeny, tiny foot. The orange one, yes.” He wishes more than anything that he could take away his own ability to perceive through sound. “An hour and a half? Good. I’ll be around. See you.”

She comes back out and acts like nothing happened and Ted decides to act like that as well, because boy is he not about to confront her on  _ that  _ of all things. He just smiles and watches the movie and leaves before Sam has a chance to return.

Usually, Ted encourages his friends to hook up and get together already when they’ve got something going on. Like Paul and Emma. He encourages them a lot, but they refuse to listen and they’re stupid. He fears that Sam and Charlotte might actually listen to him if he suggests for them to just start dating, so he tries his best to avoid bringing them up when he’s with either of them.

Of all December days, December 18 is the worst. It’s Charlotte’s birthday and Ted suggests they do something fun together, her and a few friends.

She says thanks but no thanks. “Sam’s already asked me on a date tonight. We’re going to that new, expensive Italian place over in Clyvesdale.”

“Well, that’s great. Maybe another time then.”

“Maybe.” She smiles and hugs him goodbye.

He’s already said happy birthday once, but he says is again while she watches her walk off. It’s not the bad part. It’s alright that she doesn’t want to spend her birthday with him. Birthdays matters very little to him, so it’s whatever.

No, the bad part comes late that night and it has the shape and sound of a text message. A text message from Charlotte:  _ It’s official!!!!! Sam finally asked me to his girlfriend. I’m so happy!!!!! _

And so, it really was official. Sam finally asked her to be his girlfriend, like she always wanted. And she was so happy. No xx. Not even a singular x.

Ted writes up a reply:  _ nice _

Too impersonal and cold. She deserves better, so he deletes that one and tries again:  _ i’m so happy for you ! _

He deletes the so and the exclamation point, but it doesn’t make it less of a lie. Then he deletes the whole message and starts over again:  _ i’m in l _

He doesn’t even finish writing that one, because yeah he might be upset and a fucking idiot, but he’s not  _ that _ big of an idiot. A pathetic love declaration over text after she told him she’s official with a guy who’s not him? Not happening.

Maybe he should just leave her on read and never contact her, ever again, accepting that denial is a fine way to deal with his feelings?

No. No he can’t do that either. She’s his friend and he’s not going to be that much of a bitch just because he doesn’t get to be with her, that’s shitty. Plus, he’s done the math and being just friends with Charlotte is better than not seeing her or talking to her ever, just because she likes someone who isn’t him who he’s known about her liking for so,  _ so  _ long.

So he settles for something short and straight to the point, yet more uplifting than a simple nice:  _ congratulations ! _


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ted's dumb, we been knew

It’s towards the end of January and Paul’s off work. It’s his birthday and apparently, if you ask your boss early enough, you can just get off for that. Ted has told Paul multiple times that he thinks it’s stupid of him to take the day off and Paul’s told Ted multiple times that he doesn’t care what Ted thinks and that Ted should just shut the fuck up about it. Only he didn’t say fuck. Also, he’s probably right.

But anyway, he’s alone at work on a Friday night and it blow. At least a familiar face pulls up a chair. His good friend Gerald, that is. “Hey Ted. Can I get the usual?”

“Absolutely.” Gerald isn’t a regular, but Ted knows that for Gerald, ‘the usual’ is an energy drink with a little lime and vodka in it, so he nods and starts making him his drink. “So what are you doing here? Believe me, I’m happy you’re here, but you don’t get out much on your own, so you could say I’m curious and you’d be right.”

He laughs a little. “I’m on a mission, actually.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Linda’s working on seating for the wedding and you’ve said you’re bringing a plus one, but we don’t know who this partner of yours is, so we kind of need a name.”

Ah. It suddenly makes sense while he’s there. But also,  _ fuck _ . He’s forgotten all about the wedding and the plus one with all that’s been going down. And he’s obviously not taking Charlotte. “Can I send you a text message with the name sometime tomorrow?”

Luckily, Gerald says he can and so, Ted begins his desperate search for a plus one right after work. His first thought is Emma. She’s easily accessible, with her working right next door, so he goes to check if she’s there.

She’s not, so he shoots her a message. She says sure, but asks for a date. That makes sense, so he sends her the date and she fucking cancels on him. It’s her sister’s birthday and they’re going on a small vacation together that they’ve been planning for a while. He says please and she she says no.

He runs into Zoey on his way to work in the morning and for a brief second, he considers asking her out of spite. But then he remembers that it’s someone’s wedding and not just a chance for him to show Charlotte how over her he is and also for him to say fuck you to Sam in a big, official way.

He’ll figure it out.

He figures it out! The answer is Paul and he has no idea why Paul agrees to go with him, but he does and Ted is ever thankful. Or well. At least that’s what he tells Paul when he says yes and while they’re on their way to the wedding.

“Hey, can I pretend we’re dating while we’re there?” Ted asks about five minutes into their twenty minute ride to the wedding.

“No?” Paul looks at him like he’s crazy. “No! Absolutely not.”

“Please?”

Paul shakes his head. “No. That would make me  _ very  _ uncomfortable. Plus, don’t you know these people outside this wedding? Aren’t they going to ask questions if we suddenly aren’t dating after this? Or about why you didn’t tell them you were dating me?”

“Yeah? So? I’ll just lie to them, it’s cool.”

“No.”

When they’re three minutes from the venue, Paul sighs and changes his mind. In that time, Ted’s texted Emma and asked if it’s alright for him and Paul to pretend to be dating for the day and gotten a go and a ‘ _ send pictures plssss _ ’ back.

And yeah, he’s put on puppy dog eyes and told him about his sad, sad feelings about Charlotte that still haven’t gone away, goddammit! It seems like there’s something good in them, however, because apparently they can be weaponized and turned into pity. It’s a good card to have in the back.

Turns out, pretending to be dating your good if not new best friend isn’t as fun in reality as it is on paper. Paul’s still awkward when he’s trying to fake-flirt with him and Ted kind of regrets his decision, but continues it anyway because why should he back down in the middle?

Plus, it’s a distraction and a distraction is just what he needs, because they’re seated right next to Charlotte and Sam who are still in the lovesick phase of their relationship. They make Ted want to throw up in his mouth and not just a little.

Paul ends up leaving early because he doesn’t know too many people and it sucks, but Ted accepts it. At least he accepts it until Gerald talks to him about how happy he is Ted and Paul found each other.

“It’s good to see that all of us are in a happy, loving relationship. Can I tell you a secret?” Gerald asks.

“Sure. Fucking go for it.”

“I did  _ not _ like Zoey, not one bit. Her and Sam were a bad influence on each other. And yeah, I know the circumstances around Sam’s relationship with Charlotte are a bit unfortunate, but… they’re so good for each other. And she fits in so well with the rest of us, don’t you think?”

It stings. Just a little bit, because he’s been sitting next to them all day and seeing them be all in love with each other has been far worse. “Yeah. It’s great. I’m so happy for them. For you.” He pauses. Sighs. “For all of us.”

He ends up spending the rest of the evening talking to Genevive Monroe, Gerald’s younger sister. She’s not Charlotte. She’s not even as entertaining as pretending to be in a relationship with Paul was and that wasn’t that entertaining. But she’s better than Sam and Charlotte, that’s for sure?

It’s a bit strange, but she follows him to his hotel room when he tells her that he’s heading to bed. They converse on the way, sure, but Ted forgets what about almost as soon as the words leaves his mouth but sometimes that’s how it is.

When he reaches her door, he’s sure he’s lost her, but then she asks him one last question. “Thank you so much for talking to me tonight. It’s probably silly, but you were always my favorite of Gerald’s friends and… well, truth be told, I always had a small crush on you. Kind of stupid. But… you probably already knew that.”

Okay. So maybe it’s not really a question and maybe what he answers isn’t really the truth, but she doesn’t need to know that. “Of course I knew. Why do you think I brought you up here?”

He’s the one who leaves in the morning.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please enjoy the chaos that is these text messages (which totally counts as a chapter ok)

From _emma (waitress)_

Received _March 7, 2014_

happy bday man. have a good one

From _paul matthews_

Received _March 7, 2014_

Happy birthday. Hope you have a good day.

To _paul matthews_

Sent _March 7, 2014_

can’t believe u told emma its birthday . im breaking up with you

From _paul matthews_

Received _March 7, 2014_

Okay, cool?

*******

From _charlotte._

Received _March 8, 2014_

Happy belated birthday! Sorry I’m late, yesterday was so busy! Sam says happy birthday too. Hope to see you soon!

To _charlotte._

Sent _March 9, 2014_

yeah nw .

*******

To _sam the man_

Sent _May 16, 2014_

happy birthday my dude . hope you have a good one !

From _sam the man_

Received _May 16, 2014_

heyyyyy!!! thank you man. wanna come over for dinner? i’m considering throwin’ a small dinner party for the gang

To _sam the man_

Sent _May 16, 2014_

i’d love to but i have work . sorry . but you guys have fun !

*******

To _emma (waitress)_

Sent _May 2, 2014_

ignore that this is late but thanks . when’s your birthday and also, wanna grab lunch ?

From _emma (waitress)_

Received _May 2, 2014_

fuck yeah! also no way im telling you, not after youve ignored my happy birthday message for this long

*******

From _paul matthews_

Received _June 19, 2014_

I didn’t get to tell you at work, but we’re friends and I just wanted you to know that Emma and I are dating! I’m very excited so please don’t make fun of me.

To _paul matthews_

Sent _June 19, 2014_

i would never make fun of you . also do you know when her birthday is ?

From _paul matthews_

Received _June 19, 2014_

I don’t know why you insist on lying or if I trust you, but alright. Sure. It’s in July. The 27th, I think. Why?

*******

To _emma (waitress)_

Sent _July 27, 2014_

happy birthday . also congratulations on the relationship

From _emma (waitress)_

Received _July 27, 2014_

i’m assuming paul told you? that snitch. what relationship?

To _emma (waitress)_

Sent _July 27, 2014_

positive. uhh yours and paul’s. he said you’re dating ?

From _emma (waitress)_

Received _July 27, 2014_

nonono. we haven’t put a label on it yet, we’re just going on dates

*******

From _charlotte._

Received _August 2, 2014_

Hey. So sorry, but I gotta cancel our plans tonight. Something came up at work. Hopefully we can find another time!

To _charlotte._

Sent _August 2, 2014_

yeah , sure .

To _grace face_

Received _August 2, 2014_

hey so charlotte cancelled again . wanna go to the cineplex and watch a movie with me tonight ? i’ll pay if that helps

*******

From _sam the man_

Received _October 13, 2014_

dude! you and me! drinks! tonight!

To _sam the man_

Sent _October 13, 2014_

i’d love to but i already have plans , sorry

From _sam the man_

Received _October 13, 2014_

oh? sucks. what are you doing?

From _emma perkins_

Received _October 13, 2014_

are you at work tonight??? i need to talk to you

To _emma perkins_

Sent _October 13, 2014_

no but i can come over ?

From _emma perkins_

Received _October 13, 2014_

you’re a big babe! don’t make me regret calling you that

To _emma perkins_

Sent _October 13, 2014_

;)

From _emma perkins_

Received _October 13, 2014_

regret.

To _sam hendrickson_

Sent _October 13, 2014_

yeah my friend emma is having an emergency , i promised i’d come help her out

*******

From _emma perkins_

Received _November 1, 2014_

anyway paul and i put a label on it last night. guess who’s no longer a single pringle

To _emma perkins_

Sent _November 1, 2014_

please don’t ever say stuff like that again .

***

To _paul matthews_

Sent _November 14, 2014_

so just because i joked and said we couldn’t be friends if you left your job doesn’t mean i meant it and don’t want to hear how the interview went !

From _paul matthews_

Received _November 14, 2014_

No worries. I went really well. Charlotte put in a good word for me (thank you for asking her to, by the way!) and I got it. I’m starting on Monday.

  
  


*******

To _charlotte._

Sent _December 18, 2014_

hey . happy birthday !! hope you’re having a good day

From _charlotte._

Received _December 18, 2014_

Thank you so much. I’m having the best day!!!!

From _charlotte._

Received _December 18, 2014_

[attachment: image.092]

From _charlotte._

Received _December 18, 2014_

He asked me to marry him!!!!!! On our anniversary!!!!!!!! I’m so happy, Ted!

To _charlotte._

Sent _December 18, 2014_

i’m so happy for you !!!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big f

Three months is no time to plan a wedding in Ted’s opinion. It isn’t in Linda’s either, he finds out while on his way to meet up with the soon-to-be married couple. It’s only fucking March. That’s only a year and three months of having dated. It’s stupid. Ted thinks it’s stupid.

He’s over Charlotte. Of course he is. His feelings have been hurt, but he’s learned from his mistakes. He isn’t silly, he isn’t pathetic, he isn’t in love with her. They’re friends and he’s happy for her. For both of them. He just thinks it's too early to be committing to each other like this, that’s all.

As Sam’s best man, Ted has a lot of responsibilities today and he’s so ready to face all of them. The first emergency they encounter is the case of Sam’s missing shoes. Or perhaps not missing. Forgotten.

“Dude. Did you… did you forget to buy shoes for your own wedding?” Gerald raises an eyebrow at Sam, who nods as he concludes that yes, he did in fact forget.

Ted can’t help it but to laugh a little. “Fuck man, that sucks.”

Luckily for Sam, there’s an easy solution. He and Ted are the same shoe size and since it’s Sam’s big day, not Ted’s, Ted lets Sam borrow his nice shoes while Ted accepts his fate and wears Sam’s flip flops for the day.

Their second emergency Ted isn’t completely sure what’s about. Something with ice? Either way, Gerald says he got it and Ted trusts him on that. Then Gerald leaves the room and Ted’ left all alone with Sam.

“So do you feel ready for this?” Ted asks while Sam starts getting into his tuxedo. “Pretty big day. Pretty big thing happening…  _ very  _ soon, oh God.”

Sam nods. “Yeah. I mean, it’s Charlotte. I love her. And I’m excited to spend the rest of my life with her, you know?”

Ted catches himself before he has the chance to nod, because he doesn’t know. He doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life with anyone,  _ especially  _ not Charlotte. And he doesn’t want to give Sam the idea that he does because that’d be awkward and Ted doesn’t like awkward. “Na. I still think marriage is pretty lame, no offense.”

“None taken.”

“I don’t know. The idea of settling down with one person forever? That shit’s scary. Like, love is one thing, but how do you know it’s real? How do you know it’ll stick around? If you tell me something lame about how it’s  _ something you have to work for _ , I will leave.” Sam nods understandingly and lets Ted continue. “I’m proud of you for wanting to do that and for thinking you’ve found the right one, but aren’t you terrified that you haven’t? What if she’s not the one?”

Sam laughs a little. “I’m somewhere between flattered, offended and wanting to call you adorable for having so many thoughts about love. Not gonna lie, hearing you talk about the one is kind of strange.”

“I just worry. You’re my best friend.” Paul’s his best friend. Or maybe Emma? But Sam doesn’t need to know that. “I just want what’s best for you and I hope this is it.”

By the time the ice emergency gets fixed, it’s almost time for the ceremony and Ted feels strangely excited.

Sam hasn’t been allowed to see Charlotte, they want to stick to that stupid rule, and since Ted’s been with Sam all day, he hasn’t gotten a chance to see her either. And while Ted  _ still  _ doesn’t have feelings for her, he can’t deny that it’s exciting. Just because he’s not crushing on her doesn’t mean she’s not hot and a wedding gown? Well, that’s never done bad things for anyone he’s seen.

So they stand there at the end of the aisle and the doors open and in steps Charlotte and her dad and it hits Ted like a brick wall that possibly, maybe, perhaps, he isn’t  _ completely _ over her.

Maybe it’s because she looks beautiful, maybe it’s because the burning jealous feeling feels like it’s returned, or maybe it’s just because he’s standing at the end of a fucking aisle at Charlotte’s wedding as she walks towards him, well kinda, and it’s still not him she’s marrying. It’s stupid, is what it is.

And sure, maybe he’s in Sam’s shoes,  _ literally _ , but he’d much rather be in Sam’s figurative shoes right now.

He tunes out most of the wedding ceremony and focuses on trying to look like he’s truly happy for them and not just pretending because it’d suck to be  _ that _ bitch.

As soon as they get to the part of the wedding that has a bar, Ted heads there. He spends a lot of his time there, in fact, but what else is he supposed to do? Actually be happy for his friends for getting married and finding each other? Probably, but his emotional response is not really working with him, so drunk it is.

Charlotte finds him at some point during the evening and asks for a dance, which he agrees to. What can he say? He’s a weak man when it comes to Charlotte De– Charlotte Hendrickson.

“Can I just say something?” He asks while their dance nears its ending. She nods so he goes on. “You look incredibly beautiful today. I’m a big fan of the dress and whatever you did to your hair as well.”

She smiles. “Thank you. I feel incredibly beautiful today.”

Ted’s made many mistakes in his life, especially drunken ones. But this? This, perhaps, is the biggest. “Why did it have to be Sam?”

Her smile drops. “What do you mean?”

“I mean what I said. Why did it have to be Sam?” He needs to shut up. Well, first he needs to apologize, but then he needs to shut up. “You knew how I felt about you, how I’ve always felt about you, and then you choose Sam. No, not only do you choose Sam, you lead me on and  _ then  _ you choose Sam.”

They stop dancing. “You’re drunk. We should get you to b–”

He cuts her off, only to continue saying stupid stuff that he shouldn’t have. “I love you.”

Ted learns a lot from that night. He learns that just because you love someone, you shouldn’t tell them. Especially not if you’re drunk and at their wedding as they get married to your best friend.

He learns that best friends don’t always last forever. Sometimes they do, but other times they get angry at you for trying to confess your love to their wife and then they get even more angry when you, in your drunken pathetic stage, attempt to punch them. And then they tell you you’re no longer welcome around them. He also learns that hasteful, angry goodbyes sucks and leaves you feeling unfulfilled and unhappy.

Most importantly, he learns that love and feelings are stupid things that he doesn’t have time for, doesn’t have need for and doesn’t have the desire to keep in his life.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk grace deserves good things

When Gerald a month after the wedding knocks on his door, it isn’t to let him know that the month he spent hating himself was wasted, as Sam and Charlotte are already ready to forgive him and let him back into their lives.

No, instead it’s with a quite different message. “Dude. You need to get your shit together. Look at this!” He points to the pile of dishes that’s accumulated in his kitchen. “This is dumb and, quite frankly, pathethic. You’re better than this.”

Ted shakes his head. “Obviously, I’m not. I’m a mess. Literally. Look at this!” Now it’s Ted’s turn to point at the kitchen, which makes Gerald sigh and shake his head. “Well, what do you want me to do then?”

“I don’t know, Ted. As much as I wish I could, I’m not here to fix the mess you’ve gotten yourself into. Sam’s asked Linda and I to pick sides and… we’re picking Sam’s. I don’t hate you, I really don’t, but I do think you’re being childish and _fuck_ , Ted! You really gotta get it together, man.”

They say their goodbyes and Gerald promises him that they’re not final, before he leaves the apartment. He hasn’t been gone for long before Grace waddles out of her room.

She gives Ted a hug and it feels strange, but comforting. He hugs her back. “He’s right, you know?” She says while pulling back. Then she starts making her way towards the couch and she gestures for him to follow. “You do really need to get your shit together.”

He nods. “Yeah. You’re right. It just fucking sucks.”

She laughs a little. “It’s Hatchetfield. Everything here fucking sucks. God, I cannot wait to graduate. Only a few more months and I’m out of here for good.”

“Can you keep a secret?” He asks after not answering her for a few seconds. She holds up her pinky and he reluctantly links his with hers. “I’ve decided to go back to school. I’ve applied for community college over in Clyvesdale. I haven’t told anyone yet.”

“Dude, why not?”

He shrugs. “I hadn’t decided if I was actually going to go back when I applied. I just wanted to have the option. Then the engagement happened and…and the wedding. After today, I have nothing keeping me here.”

They talk about the future for almost an hour. Their dreams and their hopes. They talk about the past too. About Charlotte, about Sam and about Grace’s friends too. She’s no longer on speaking terms with Alice, which Ted tells her makes a lot of sense considering that Bill’s been extra angry with him lately. At least that makes her laugh. 

Apparently some guy beat up Avery for making out with his girl while he was at a party down by the lake. Ted says it sounds like he kind of deserved it and Grace says Avery said the same thing.

Grace leaves to go back to her room, but stops in front of her door. “Oh, before I go. I’m planning on coming out to mom and dad tomorrow before church. Be there for me?”

“Wait, when are you planning to come out to me?”

“Right now. I’m a lesbian. Will you please, please, _please_ be there?”

“Of course.” He smiles at her. “I’m bi, by the way. And I’ll weaponize it against them if they’re mean.”

She laughs, then she goes to hug him again and then she finally disappears back into her room, not to be seen again until dinner.

They’re nice about it, which is a relief. They go off to church with Grace and Ted goes off to lunch with his only two friends left in the entire world. Paul and Emma.

“Hey, so guys. How would you like to drink some beers with me in August? My treat.” He asks.

Emma nods almost immediately. “Sounds good, man.”

Paul isn’t as easily convinced. “What’s the catch?”

“There is no catch. The catch is there is no catch. What a catch, huh?”

Both of them roll their eyes at him, but it’s Paul who keeps questioning. “No, seriously. I know you. August is too far away for you to make promises like these unless there’s a catch.”

“Alright, fine!” Ted says and watches as Paul gives Emma a look that just ways _I knew it!_ “I’m probably going to college, but it’s in Clyvesdale and I don’t wanna cross the bridge every day, so I’m going to need some help moving and since you guys are my only friends in the entire world–”

“You have other friends.” Paul chimes in.

It just makes Ted repeat himself. “My only friends–”

Paul looks like he’s about to say something, but Emma cuts in before he has the chance. “Dude, just let him say his thing.”

“–in the whole entire world, I figured I’d ask you for help. And pay back in beers. And pizza, of course!”

They congratulate him on the whole going back to school thing and he tells them he doesn’t even know if he’s gotten in yet, but they believe in him. And honestly? So does he. And yeah, maybe it’s a little late to start college, but better late than never, probably.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is dumb because it tries to cover ted's life from august 2015 to december 2017 in just 1301 words

His friends are good, kind people and Ted appreciates them, because he’s never had to move far and the idea of moving all on his own? Yikes! It’s not a far move, he’s only moving to Clyvesdale after all, but it’s the farthest he’s ever moved and it feels strange.

They get it done, however, and before he knows it, he’s sitting on his floor with his two best friends, eating pizza and drinking beers and celebrating a new chapter in his life.

Paul’s the first one to ask questions. “So how are you feeling? What’s it like leaving your life behind?”

Ted rolls his eyes. “I’ve moved literally one town over, stop being dramatic. But… it feels good.” He nods a bit, but that’s mostly to himself. A way to make it feel more real. “Yeah. It’s a bit strange, though. I thought I’d be stuck in David’s for life, forever forced to serve my high school friends beers while their lives just went on and now… now I’m here. In fucking Clyvesdale.”

“Yeah, that’s the other thing. Why did it have to be Clyvesdale?” Emma asks, even raising an eyebrow at him. “You could have picked any other town in the world. Hell, you could have even stayed in boring ol’ Hatchetfield Why fucking Clyvesdale?”

He shrugs. “I need a break from  _ them _ , but I fully plan on returning to Hatchetfield when I’m done.” He’s not in love with Charlotte anymore. He’s really not. It’s just that the whole thing is still so new and that suddenly being on bad terms with your childhood best friend is rough. “It’s not like any of what happened is going to matter in four years, but it did back when I looked up colleges, so… Clyvesdale.”

And Clyvesdale turns out to be fine. It’s not good, it’s not great, it’s just fine. Hatchetfield citizens show their faces in town from time to time, sure, but Ted’s lived long enough in Hatchetfield to know the kind of spite people there carry towards their sister town, so he spends his time doing stuff that’s not worrying about seeing the people he’s so desperately trying to avoid. And he ends up being successful and having a good time, so he considers Clyvesdale a big success!

Yeah, sure, he returns home for the big events. Like the holidays. But that’s mostly to see Grace and hear about her life in person rather than over the phone. Sometimes big events are just Paul and Emma inviting him over for dinner and he accepts that that’s part of the life he lives.

The night on one of his own big events is an anniversary. Not with a partner of his, but with the event that really fucked up his relationship with Sam and Charlotte. Their wedding. And sure, when he first moved to Clyvesdale, he was telling himself that he wasn’t in love with Charlotte but that was a lie and he can recognize that. Now? He’s actually not in love with her for real.

He’s sad, yes, and he’s bitter. He’s hurt. But that’s rational and reasonable. It’s the anniversary of shit going wrong, after all, so he’s allowed to have these feelings. Especially now that he knows being in love with Charlotte was a stupid decision that never went anywhere and never will go anywhere.

Somehow, he ends up on a bar. It’s not too far from his apartment and the drinks are way too expensive, but he’s not planning on having a lot. Just one or two or however many it takes for someone equally sad or perhaps even sadder to come along and go home with him.

It’s not exactly what he gets. “Theodore Chastity?” A way too familiar voice sounds from behind him and he turns to face his once-friend’s wife. Not Charlotte, of course not. She’s probably off celebrating her anniversary and he can’t blame her for that.

No. This is someone else. “Linda Monroe. Funny seeing you here. How are things?”

“Well, why don’t you buy me a drink and find out?”

It’s not what he expects her to say, but he’ll take it. As he waits for the bartender, he goes over his choices. He can ditch her for an easier target or he can attempt the impossible, but at least attempt to play to the weaknesses he knows she has.

He orders them a bottle of expensive champagne and they disappear off to a corner with two glasses. He asks a lot of questions about her and her life, talks very little about himself and takes every opportunity he can get to compliment her, to flirt, to let her know that she deserves better.

And apparently, making her feel special is a good strategy, because she ends up going back up to his apartment with him for a glass of wine. The end up hooking up and she sneaks out while Ted pretends to be asleep which he’s thankful for. He doesn’t need that kind of confrontation in his life.

When he tells Paul about it the next day, Paul says that this is definitely worse than back when he fucked Zoey. Ted isn’t entirely sure he’s right, but it’s whatever.

“So when are you going to pop the question?” Ted asks as he takes the ring Paul hands him and inspects it closely. “I don’t think she’d like this one.”

“Yeah… you’re probably right.” Paul laughs nervously and snatches the ring out of his fingers to put it back down. “Uh, depends. Hey, uh if I order today, when can I expect the ring to be done?”

The shopkeep looks at Paul, then down on a calendar, then back up. “If you order today, we can most likely have it ready by December 5th.”

Paul says his thank you, then turns to Ted. “December 5th. I’m planning to propose on December 5th.”

“What, and I want you to know that this comes from the bottom of my heart, the fuck?” Ted shakes his head as his best friend who’s apparently more of a dumbass than he previously thought.

It just makes Paul shrug. “I love her. And now that she’s said she’s ready to get married, I can’t wait. I want to spend the rest of my life with her, Ted. I would have taken her ring shopping with me and proposed right here right now before the actual ring even arrived if it wasn’t for the fact that she told me that would be lame.”

“Wait, so I’m your second choice for ring shopping?” Ted holds a hand to his chest and pretends to be hurt. In reality, he’s very happy for his friends and he knows that Paul knows this, because he’s confessed it while drunk a time or twenty.

“Yeah. Sorry, Ted.” He picks up yet another ring and keeps looking at it as he continues talking. “But hey. I’ll buy you lunch? Anything you want, my treat.” Then he hands the ring over the counter and announces it as the one without even letting Ted see it.

While they grab lunch, Paul asks him to be his best man. Ted says yes, because of course he does. This is Paul and Emma. His two best friends, who happens to be in one of, if not  _ the _ , best relationships he’s ever seen.

_ Then  _ Paul warns him that Charlotte’s also invited to the wedding. They’re really getting a long at work, he says. And apparently Emma used to know her somehow? Neither of them is really sure what that’s about, but the point is that Charlotte’s also coming.

And honestly? Ted’s fine with that. He’s fucked Charlotte once and he’s fucked a lot of people since then. She doesn’t interest him anymore and he’ll be fine.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in my outline, emma and paul's wedding? one chapter (spoilers: it is not one chapter)

Over the last couple of years, Ted has grown more cynical. He suspects it has something to do with Charlotte and he doesn’t feel bad about it, because he really doesn’t need love and he’s fine on his own. He’s fine hooking up with sad people and he’s fine not caring about what happens next, because love is stupid anyway and it’s really not for him. College works wonders like that.

But suddenly it’s April of 2018. Ted’s nearly done with college, but he has time to attend Paul and Emma’s wedding, in fact he’s excited to. It’s the first wedding he’s been to in a long time and it’s a lot more exciting than the last one.

He’s there before the ceremony, because those are the kind of benefits you get from being the best friend of the soon-to-be married couple. He’s there when he, for the third time in his life, sees Emma cry real actual tears when her and Paul see each other for the first time before the ceremony. He’s seen Paul cry plenty of times, so that doesn’t matter to him. The good thing about both of them being distracted by each other and crying together is that none of them notices as Ted cries too.

It’s just a single tear, but they’re his best friends, goddammit! He’s allowed to cry if he so pleases.

All things considered, he’s happy that he’s gotten the crying out of the way, because there’s plenty of people he knows present during the actual ceremony and he knows that at least one of them is eyeing him, because he spares a single look in her direction and sees her quickly looking away.

Most of all, he’s happy that both Emma and Paul has run their vows by him before now, because they hit hard even though he’s prepared and he just feels so goddamn proud of them. Love for him may not be real or relevant, but they’re the purest fucking couple in the world and he’s so happy they have each other.

After they’ve both said  _ I do  _ and it’s all officially official, they go to celebrate with welcome drinks and Ted can’t help but notice something. Yes, Charlotte’s there, but there’s a noticeable lack of Sam. It makes his head race with stupid, crazy ideas and theories, but he just shakes it off and goes to talk to Emma’s late sister’s husband before food is served.

In Ted’s humble opinion, the worst thing about Charlotte is that she always finds a way to make everything about her. And sure, maybe she doesn’t attempt to grab the attention of all the wedding guests, but while Ted’s attempting to enjoy the day and celebrate his best friends’ eternal love or whatever, she manages to shoehorn her way back into his life and he hates it.

Before he knows it, she’s standing behind the chair next to him with a hand on his shoulder. He looks up at her and raises an eyebrow. “Hi Ted,” she starts. He isn’t sure how she thinks this is a good idea, but she keeps going. “Is this seat taken?”

“Yeah.” He wishes he had a conversation to turn around to, a way to easily brush her off, but sadly she’s chosen the perfect moment and he feels cornered.

“Oh.” She nods and for a long while, that’s all she does. He’s about to turn around and happily ignore her, but then she decides that she doesn’t care about the the seat’s availability anyway and so, suddenly Charlotte Hendrickson is sitting next to him at a wedding he didn’t plan for her to ruin for him.

But it’s alright and it’s okay and he’s grown as a person or whatever, so he turns around in his chair to face her completely. Part of him wants to put on the coldest smile he can manage, but he’s grown past that. At least he likes to think he has, so he tries the friendly approach. “So it’s been a while. How are you holding up?”

Maybe friendliness  _ is the best option _ , he thinks as Charlotte starts smiling. Who would have thought? Perhaps if he’s just friendly, she’ll find whatever she needs in this conversation and go away faster.

“I’m… alright.” She hesitates a bit too much for Ted’s liking and he doesn’t like that. Sure, he has his issues Charlotte and the main emotion he has been feeling towards her for years is anger, but hesitating on an  _ alright  _ of all things isn’t good and it awakens something in him from back when they were friends and he’d do just about anything for her.

Good thing he’s adapted and is able to just shove those feelings right down from where they came from. “Glad to hear. How’s Sam doing? I haven’t seen him around today. Is he alright?”

“Oh, Sam?” Yeah, she definitely doesn’t look like someone who’s doing alright all of a sudden. “Sam’s… good. Sam’s very good. He’s… doing just fine.” She takes a sip of the drink in front of her which is definitely not hers.

Now, Charlotte’s always been his type, but he didn’t think when they met again she’d be the type of woman he typically went after. He always thought her and Sam would end up happy or whatever, that she’d get her fairytale ending, but now he’s sitting next to her and she looks like she’s nothing but the shell of a person. And he can appreciate that. He can work with that.

Is it the good thing to do? The  _ right  _ move? No. But Ted’s never been one to care too much about morality.

He puts his hand on top of Charlotte’s and gives her his most sympathetic smile. She takes his hand and gives it a little squeeze. It takes everything in Ted not to roll his eyes at her, but he manages. Then he lets go of her hand. “Would you like me to ask about it or would you prefer I talked about something else?”

“Something else, please.” She says and he nods. Then he starts telling her about his life, about what college is like, about Grace’s girlfriend who he’s met exactly three times. 

He wants to believe that this is some kind of game they’re playing, that  _ he’s _ playing it and that he’s winning, but it honestly and genuinely feels good to catch up with her. Well, catch her up with him. A lot of their friendship has been her talking about her life and he feels proud about the things he’s achieved the last couple of years. It’s oddly nice to have her listen and to have her seemingly paying attention.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the wedding continues. idk why we're having an early update today, but uhhh. enjoy!

Long before Ted went to this stupid dumb wedding that isn’t actually stupid or dumb for any other reason than the fact that he knew Charlotte was going to be here, he decided with himself that he was absolutelty not going to let her soften him in any way, shape or form.

Sadly, the plans you make don’t always measure up to what reality is like and Ted Chastity finds himself saying yes when Charlotte asks him if he’d like to join her outside for a smoke in the middle of their conversation. It’s a small thing and he feels so incredibly stupid for not just saying no.

Okay. So maybe that’s not what he feels stupid over. He feels stupid for getting himself wrapped up in Charlotte again the moment she decides to fucking pay any attention to him. But apparently he is put on this earth to suffer and whatever God has decided to torment him knows exactly how to do that.

It’s so fucking stupid and there’s nothing good that could possibly come from going out there. There’s a million things he  _ could  _ be doing and yeah, maybe Paul wouldn’t be happy with him for going with the easy option of just hooking up with a random person here, but he should. He should go hit on a bridesmaid or something. He doesn’t, of course, because he’s a fucking idiot and a known fool when it comes to Charlotte.

“I didn’t know you smoked,” he comments as she lights up a cigarette. He’s known Charlotte for a long fucking time and yeah, four years changes you a lot and whatever, but he just never took her for the type.

She shrugs. “I don’t. Not really, anyway.” And she might say that she doesn’t, but then she takes a long drag and doesn’t even cough a little bit, so Ted has his doubts about the reality of her statement. “Not after this package is gone, anyway.”

He nods. He’s not about to argue with her on that. They continue their small talk, because that’s all it is. Small talk. No apologies, no mentions of the past, nothing too deep or too personal.

Right before they’re about to go inside, Ted manages to stop Charlotte in her tracks just by asking a simple question. Well, not really a question. It’s more a statement that demands an answer. “You never did say why Sam isn’t here.”

There is a lot of things Ted could have done, but of course this is the one he goes with. He’s too curious and cares too little about not hurting Charlotte’s feelings not to confront her.

She turns around with a deep sigh. “I– We had, uh… we had a big fight, just yesterday. And then he told me to text Paul and say we weren’t coming. To tell him he was sick. And– I don’t know, maybe he was sick. But I couldn’t just cancel, I really wanted to go. So I said no. And then we had another fight and– well, I ended up texting Paul that Sam was sick and asked if it was alright if I just came alone.”

“Oh.” Ted blinks a few times as he tries to come up with something to say further. “So was Sam alright with that?”

She laughs a little. It’s not a very warm or convincing laughter. “No. Or, yes. Or… I don’t know. He wanted to to stay home, I think. No, I know. But I went. And you know how Sam can get when people, uh… you know…”

“Don’t listen to him or leave him behind? Yeah. He’s not the biggest fan of that.”

She nods a bit. “But I mean, we all have our quirks and he’s sick. Sometimes when people aren’t feeling well, stuff like that gets worse, you know. It’s what happens.”

“I guess it is,” he says even though he’s not really sure he believes in that. It feels like what she wants to hear, though, so he doesn’t mind saying it. Sam’s mostly a good guy from Ted’s memory, but boy does he love being in charge of things and deciding how everything goes. It’s one of the things he really likes about Paul: He isn’t like that.

They manage to go rejoin the party in the middle of what seems like a gathering on the dancefloor and Ted finds himself regretting the words he says before they even leave his lips: “Hey, do you wanna go join me for a dance? For old time’s sake.”

For old time’s sake is a bad excuse for anything and Ted knows it, but apparently that doesn’t stop him. Sure, he’s known for making bad decisions and more often than that, he  _ is  _ the bad decision, but Charlotte is a mistake that he should not make. And yet, here he is. A dumb, stupid idiot who apparently hasn’t learned anything.

She eyes the dancefloor and then nods. “You know what? That sounds nice. I’d love to.”

Here’s his chance! It’s now that he tells her that too bad, that’s not happening, she can suck it and go ruin some other guy’s evening. “Great!” He says instead and leads her to the dance floor.

The song changes while they make their way over there and Ted’s luckily in front of Charlotte as they walk, so he can freely roll his eyes to the opening tunes of a slow love song.

Maybe if this had been five or six years ago and if Charlotte hadn’t been in love with and married to Sam and if Ted hadn’t long been over her, this would have been cute. Maybe even romantic. But now it was just plain annoying.

But a dance is a dance and he did promise her that much. Okay, maybe he didn’t promise her, but it’s whatever. Yeah, they could wait for a song that wasn’t this one, but he’s not good at listening to his own logic anyway, so what’s the point of even trying when he knows he’s going to end up dancing with Charlotte right now anyway?

They reach the dance floor and he puts one hand on her lower back while grabbing her hand with his other one. There’s no need for this dance to be anything but gentle swaying, because no one in this room knows that Ted’s parents signed him up for ballroom dancing classes when he was younger or that he actually knows how to dance, and they don’t need to. Besides, it’s a lot more chill and down to earth to just gently sway. 


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just because this chapter marks the end of the "ted makes bad decisions" arch doesn't mean he's gonna start making good decisions after this, dont worry

By Ted’s logic, their dance should come to an end by the time to song is over, but Charlotte doesn’t make an effort to pull away and so Ted doesn’t either. Neither of them have spoken a word during the entirety of the first song and Ted decides to not be the one to break the silence.

Why they’ve gotten themselves back here is a mystery to him and when Charlotte leans forward to rest her head against his shoulder, he quietly swears under his breath while all his ideas of having grown and being a bigger, better man quickly wither away. At least he still has his anger. It’s oddly comforting to be able to be mad at her while also not wanting to be the one break whatever curse the world has placed on them.

Or maybe just on him. As far as he’s been able to tell, their relationship hasn't had the chance to impact Charlotte too negatively just yet, but to be fair, he only had his side of the story. And in his opinion, he had it the worst.

The next song comes on and Charlotte’s still resting against his shoulder and yeah, he’s not going to lie and say he isn’t considering just letting this continue, but he told himself he was done with giving himself false hope when it came to her, so he gently shakes his shoulder and breaks the silence anyway. “Hey Charlotte?”

“Mmmhm?” She looks up at him with his soft smile that admittedly makes him a bit weak in the knees, but whatever.

“You alright there?” He’s had plenty of time to think about what he  _ should _ say, but somehow haven’t been able to come up with anything good. So in this moment, he decides to go with something cheap: Pretending to think she’s tired. “Do you need to go sit down? Lie down?”

She shakes her head a little and straightens up a bit, lifting her head entirely from his shoulder. It’s freeing and a disappointing, all at the same time. “I’m alright. Are you alright?”

He nods. “Yeah. I guess. I suppose I’m just…” He takes a deep breath and immediately regrets listening to his sense logic rather than his feelings. He goes through with it anyway, but only because it seems like the smart thing for his feelings in the long run. “Not sure why we’re doing this?  _ You’re  _ married. We’re not friends anymore. What’s the point in all this?”

“I don’t know.” She shrugs. “I think I’m just happy to see you? And I don’t know why we’re dancing, but… it’s nice?”

He sighs. “I guess.” She’s happy to see him. That’s good. Maybe. Actually, it might not be. There’s a good chance this is going to mess with him. His best move is to leave now and go distract himself by celebrating with Paul or Emma. “I’m happy to see you too.”

She smiles. It makes him smile too. She lifts her head a bit and he isn’t blind, so he notices when her eyes drop to his lips.

Yeah. He should definitely go now, he thinks to himself as she leans in a little closer and he tightens his grip around her. She hesitates. Looks up at him. And so, he leans in a bit closer too. Before he knows it, her hand is on the back of his neck and their lips but inches apart.

Ted’s never considered himself a man of morals. He’s slept with married people before and a kiss to him means nothing. So he doesn’t decide not to kiss Charlotte because it would be wrong. He decides not to kiss Charlotte because he refuses to be the one to initiate it this time around, he refuses to helplessly fall into Charlotte’s confusing life again. But if she wants to kiss him, he sure as hell isn’t going to stop her.

Luckily or whatever, he doesn’t have to. She ends up letting go and taking a step back. “I’m– that was– I’m so sorry.” She puts a hand in front of her mouth and Ted watches as her cheeks turn pink.

It makes him laugh. Not in a mean way. Well, mostly not. It’s just kind of funny to him, all of this. Not Charlotte, just… everything. Everything about this is funny in the least hilarious way. He’s so fucking pathethic, but at least so is she. “That’s alright. I think I’ll survive.”

They both excuse themselves and go their separate ways, Charlotte looking a lot more flustered than Ted feels and thank God for that. He likes walking away and not feeling like he has anything to lose.

He ends up getting a hold of Emma and she accepts his request for a dance. He asks about how she’s feeling and she tells him, she’s feeling great. “Yeah. You know, I never thought I’d end up getting married, but… it’s Paul. He’s a fucking idiot,” she throws a gesture in Paul’s direction and Ted follows her eyes to see Paul in the middle of some goofy dance with his nephew. Tim? “But he’s my idiot. Plus, not gonna lie, being in a wedding dress? Pretty fucking dope.”

Ted smiles. He’s so happy for them. He doesn’t mention Charlotte, because it’s so fucking small and irrelevant compared to celebrating love in it’s only pure form: Between his two best friends.

And yeah, sure he thinks about Charlotte for the remainder of the wedding, because that’s what she does. She gets in his head and makes him forget about most other things. And he should really just be happy and thankful that they didn’t kiss, that they were able to see each other and be civil, but he can’t let it go. He can’t let her go.

Despite his better judgement and past-Ted’s promise to himself about never ever getting drunk because of Charlotte Dewitt-now-Hendrickson, Ted gets drunk. Because of Charlotte Dewitt-now-Hendrickson. Not sad drunk! Just drunk.

Drunk enough to consider hitting on Bill because he fits the usual bill: Sad, recently divorced and absolutely not into him in any conceivable way. At least not sober. But then he remembers that Emma has a hot cousin, so he hits on her instead.

Emma pulls him aside and tells him not to fucking do it, but he reminds her that they’re two consenting adults, then winks at her and takes whatever her name is to his room.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ted is such an idiot !!!!

Since Ted and Grace graduates college the same year, their parents insist they all go on a family vacation together. Luckily, both he and Grace says no to that one, so they end up just having a family dinner together instead.

And while, yeah, it’s still unbearable and something he wishes he could just skip, it’s a lot better than an entire vacation with their parents. Both he and Grace have gotten older and maybe they should be cool with spending time with their parents at this point, but it’s almost as if time haven’t made them any less annoying to deal with.

Exactly three positive things comes with the dinner: There’s presents for them, but most importantly, Grace is there and so is her girlfriend, Leah. They’re far better company than his parents and they soften up the whole encounter.

It’s strange, having all this time on his hands now that he’s out of college. Like, sure, there’s apartment and job hunting, but part of his graduation present from his parents is money, so he’s not too worried.

He ends up finding a two bedroom apartment in downtown Hatchetfield that’s not too expensive, which is just what he needs. His job hunt isn’t as successful as he wants it to be and it’s kind of bumming him out, so he sends Paul a text message asking if they can hang out. And of course, Paul says yes. That’s what friendship is truly about.

They end up meeting up for drinks at David’s Corner and it feels good, feels right. Ted doesn’t expect seeing anyone he knows, but surprisingly the face behind the bar is familiar to him. “Avery?”

The blonde asshole behind the bar turns in his direction and greets him with a smirk that makes Ted roll his eyes so hard. “Teddy! Good to see you. What can I get you?”

There’s no way he’s giving Avery the satisfaction of ordering a Cosmopolitan, because he just knows he’s going to be an asshole about it. Instead, he gets some bourbon and of course, Avery demands to see his ID. Because why wouldn’t he? God, Ted have  _ not  _ missed him.

He goes to sit in the booth he, Emma and Paul usually occupied back when Ted and partly also Paul worked here. A few minutes later, Paul walks in. He orders a beer before joining him at the table with a big smile. “Hey!”

“Hey dude.” Ted gets up to greet his friend with a hug, because they’re close like that. It’s not even a bro hug, it’s a proper hug, and it’s nice. Not that Ted’s gonna admit that. But there’s just something undeniably good and wholesome about a real, proper hug.

They spend the evening just catching up. Not that there’s a whole lot to say: Ted’s been busy with exams and now he’s busy job hunting and Paul’s been busy at the job, but at least he and Emma’s been on their honeymoon. Hawaii’s apparently really nice.

“Are you sure that’s what you want me to do?” Paul asks with a raised eyebrow.

Ted’s visiting Paul and Emma and they’ve just finished dinner. He nods eagerly. “Yeah. Like, a hundred percent. I already asked David since your current boss is his brother and everything, but I think a good word from a trusted employee would really put me in a good spot.”

Paul shakes his head. Emma does too and she’s a lot faster than Paul when it comes to having something to say: “Okay, but have you considered that Charlotte also works at CCRP?”

“Of course I fucking have, who do you think I am? Some sort of idiot?” None of them say anything and Emma even offers a little shrug, which just makes him roll his eyes. “It’s just Charlotte. We already found out at you two’s wedding that things are at least civil between us now, so we’re good. Besides, it’s not even like we’d be working together all the time or anything.”

CCRP isn’t exactly the place Ted wishes to work at, but Hatchetfield is a rather small town and there’s not a lot of jobs. Or maybe there is, but Ted hasn’t been lucky enough to find them – or experienced enough to get those he did find. And there’s no doubt in his mind that CCRP is better than going back to serving his high school friends beers at David’s Corner for all eternity.

And yeah. Maybe the Charlotte thing isn’t the most fortunate thing in the world, but he can handle it. He can handle her. And if he finds out that he can’t, he can at least be an asshole about it and make it inconvenient for both of them, which is definitely not how he  _ should  _ deal with his problems, but it’s not like he’s going to let that stop him.

With some puppy dog eyes and an attempt at pouting, Ted eventually manages to convince Paul that it is in fact a good idea to recommend him to his boss.

Already the week after their dinner, Ted receives a phone call calling him in for an interview. And he gets it. Starting Monday, he’s working alongside Paul again. And starting Monday, Charlotte will officially be a permanent part of his life again.

It’s terrifying and exciting, all at the same time.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "fuck cops"  
> \- charlotte, 2013
> 
> "fuck cops"  
> – ted, 2019

“And this…” His tour around the office is coming to an end and the woman who’s been showing him around extends her arm out to show him his new workspace. “This is your cubicle.”

It’s not the most impressive thing in the world. In fact, Ted would go as far as saying it’s even more depressing than when he worked in a fucking bar. But it’s whatever. He’ll make it work.

He’s about to quickly thank her for the tour, but he spots Charlotte out of the corner of his eye, so instead he tries to think quick so he can keep engaging this poor woman in conversation for just a little bit longer. Just until danger passes. “Thank you so much for showing me around. You’re a babe.”

His voice is loud enough so that he knows Charlotte can hear it. He forgets that the woman can too. “... Thank you?” She says with a confused look on her face. “Now, is there anything you need to know before I go back to work?”

“Uh, yes. You mentioned there’d be some papers somewhere. Where exactly can I find those?” It’s a genuine question. A quick look around doesn’t tell him where they are, so he figures he might as well save himself the time – and the Charlotte. “Also, what was your name again?”

She rolls her eyes at him, but steps into the cubicle and pulls out a drawer. “They’re here.” She hands them to him and he winks at her, because he’s an asshole and he knows Charlotte can still see him. “Melissa. My work number is at the bottom of the last page, feel free to call if you have any further questions.”

The smile she leaves him with looks a little bit forced, but he’ll take it.

Ted sits down in his new chair and takes a look at the papers. Mostly, he skims through them: He’s sure he’ll figure it out eventually and there’s something far more pressing than actually reading these words. Charlotte’s making her way towards him and he still haven’t decided how he’s going to treat her when she gets here.

Unfortunately for all parts involved, she arrives before he’s able to make a decision. “Ted?”

He spins around in his chair and tries his best to look surprised to see her, but seeing that he’s not surprised at all, it’s a little hard. So he attempts a smile as well. “Charlotte! Good to see you.” So he’s doing friendly apparently. Yikes! He gets up from his chair and hugs her to really commit to his choice. Double yikes.

She hugs him back. It’s a bit awkward, but at least she steps back rather quickly. He appreciates that. “What are you doing here?”

“Uh, what do you think I’m doing here? I work here.” He gestures around his cubicle, as if that’s somehow going to explain something further. “It’s my first day, but you know…” He doesn’t even know where exactly he’s going so he just shrugs and leaves it at that.

“Oh.” She nods a few times.

Ted mirrors the nodding. “Yeah. So did you want anything?”

It seems to catch her off guard, but she very quickly changes the nodding and shakes her head instead. “No, no…. just, uh. Wanted to say hi. Hi. I’ll get back to work now.” And with that, she’s off.

He honestly kid of appreciates it. It means it’s done and over, which means he can focus on his work instead. Or at least try to, because Ted finds his mind wandering off to Charlotte one too many times during his first day at CCRP Technical.

They’re off around the same time and Ted finds himself making the mistake of catching a cigarette outside the office building before making his way home. It’s only a mistake because a car pulls up and Ted manages to catch a glimpse of who’s in it.

It’s Sam. And Sam sees him too. In fact, the two of them make eye contact and neither of them break it before Charlotte’s already in the car and Ted sees her tugging in Sam’s sleeve. He can see them talking, but Sam doesn’t take his eyes off him and Ted doesn’t look away either.

Yeah, they’re at a bit of a distance, but Ted sees as Sam rolls his eyes at him before finally looking away and driving off. Well, first he looks at Charlotte and says…  _ something  _ that makes her curl up a little. A stare off like this definitely isn’t what he expected on his very first day permanently back in Charlotte’s life, but it’s what he got.

The next day at work, he sees Charlotte go to the break room and decides to follow, because he’s an idiot who apparently can’t just let things die down. He justifies it with the fact that Sam’s still being a little bitch too, but it’s a bad excuse for targeting Charlotte. Doesn’t mean he won’t do it, however.

At least he’ll be nice to her, although he isn’t sure half-hearted flirting and insults aimed at her beloved husband is considered nice. Still, it’s what she gets. He finds her making coffee and he leans against the counter next to her while she does. “So. You and Sam still an item, huh?”

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t we be?” She looks up at him with a confused, but at least somewhat warm smile. “You saw us together just yesterday.”

He nods. “That I did. And I don’t know. I just thought someone like you could do better.” Flirting, pseudo-insulting Sam… it’s the same thing in the end, isn’t it?

“Someone like me?”

“Yeah, someone like you. You know, a nice, capable and extremely pretty woman –  _ just like you _ – could do better than a fucking cop who, from what you told me at a wedding, fucking yells at you.” Okay. So maybe all she said at the wedding was that they’d gotten into a fight or whatever, but Sam’s always been intense so it wouldn’t surprise him if Sam was a yeller or if that was what happened in the car between them yesterday.

Charlotte looks like she was about to say something before Ted mentioned the yelling, but like she’s now recovering and trying to think of something else. “What’s so bad about him being a cop?”

“I don’t know. Cops are inherently bad people and power hungry assholes, I mean, have you met them? Jeez!” It’s an opinion he stands by, especially now that he and Sam aren’t friends anymore.

She shakes her head at him and then pours her cup of coffee, before leaving him in the break room without saying another word.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everything i know is that i love melissa

Ted spends the entirety of his first week focusing on all the wrong things. Yeah, he works – of course he does. He can’t risk getting fired. But he also spends far too long cheaply flirting with Charlotte whenever he gets the chance and on days where he does not  _ get  _ a chance, he creates one. He tells himself all sorts of things: Mainly that he’s only doing it because flirting is easier than actually dealing with the fact that he works with Charlotte, which is honestly a fair criticism of himself but not one he intends to do anything about.

Another big commitment of his, which is somehow even stupider, is his commitment to cheaply flirting with Melissa too. He mostly does it when Charlotte is within earshot, but sometimes also when she’s just within eyeshot because he assumes she’ll know he’s flirting with her from logic reasoning alone.

But it turns into something much more serious than he would have liked, as Melissa asks him out for lunch one day. He’s not into her at all, but he says yes anyway because Charlotte’s walking by and he needs her to know that she’s not the only one he cares about.

Because she isn’t! He doesn’t care about her. He doesn’t care about flirting with her, it’s just something he does to pass the time because Sam’s an asshole and because his feelings were hurt and because he’s bored and because of so many other things that have nothing to do with the fact that he’s still attracted to her. He isn’t. It’s just easier.

He is still attracted to her, but he’s not into her. And judging from the fact that she almost kissed him at Paul and Emma’s wedding, he thinks there’s a fair chance he might be able to hook up with her again, which he wouldn’t be opposed to. He doesn’t want to, of course, not actively. He just wouldn’t be opposed to it.

Melissa takes him to a small coffee shop a few blocks over. It’s called Beanie’s and the food is not very good: It’s cold in the middle and he’s super convinced that they’re literally just microwaved it. But at least the place is kind of charming in its own way?

“So, Ted.” Melissa takes his hand and looks at him very seriously. “I want you to know that I’m very flattered you’ve taken an interest in me of all people, but – and this is why we’re here instead of the office, because I haven’t told anyone else there yet – I want you to know that nothing’s going to happen between us, because I’m kind of exclusively into girls, so…”

“Oh, thank God.” He laughs a little. This is the best possible outcome, because it means this isn’t a serious, actual date and that Ted can live his life without having to worry about Melissa at all.

“What? What do you mean ‘thank God’?”

And so he explains. He tells her about Charlotte and about how she broke his heart all those years ago, about how he thinks her husband’s a douchebag and about how he’s really just trying to find his place in all this.

“It’s hard,” he admits. “But I don’t know. I like flirting with her because it feels less engaged than anything else. And, no offence, but it’s been nice to use you as a supportnet to distance her a little further.”

She isn’t really sure what he means to achieve by all this and he tells her that he isn’t either. But ignoring Charlotte is damn near impossible for him and being friendly is difficult and too involved. Flirting feels like it keeps them at the right distance.

“You realize that this is kind of stupid, right?” She asks while they’re on their way back. “Like, you could just do literally anything else. Aren’t you afraid you’ll end up falling for her again?”

He shakes his head. “Not really, no. I’ve gotten over her a few times already and I’m not dumb enough to make the same mistake a third time.” He’s not going to fall for Charlotte, because he’ll have no reason to. She’s married and he’s flirting at the perfect distance.

Before they go back to work, Ted asks Melissa if he can continue flirting with her. And luckily, she says yes. As long as he promises to not be, like, super weird about it. Which he does.

Ted’s been working at CCRP for two weeks when he and Charlotte end up waiting outside the building after work together again. He’s having a smoke while waiting for Paul to finish up so they can go grab drinks together and she, for some reason, approaches.

“Hi Ted.” She smiles. “Can I have a cigarette?”

“Sure, knock yourself out.” He fishes his package as well as his lighter out of his pocket and hands them to Charlotte.

She leans in to partly use him as a shield from the wind while attempting to light the cigarette. When it’s lit, she hands him the lighter and the package back and he pockets them again. They don’t bother small talking.

Not long after, Sam shows up. He gets out of the car this time and walks towards them with a very unhappy look on his face. “Ted. What the fuck are you doing with my wife?”

There’s a lot of things Ted  _ should  _ do and cockily smile is not one of them. He does it anyway. “Hey Sam! How are you doing, man? It’s been a while.”

He goes to throw an arm around Sam’s shoulder, because pretending to be all buddy-buddy with Sam is the only thing he can think of in this situation. There’s no way he’s answering the question because in his opinion, Sam can just fuck right off.

But unsurprisingly, Sam doesn’t seem to be a fan of the idea and it looks like he’s about to go feral, because Ted finds himself pinned up against a pillar moments later. “Stay the fuck away from her, you hear?”

All Ted wants to do is come with snarky comments, but he doesn’t get the chance before someone starts pulling Sam away: It’s Charlotte. She’s begging for him to stop and Sam doesn’t look like he’s having it, but there’s someone pulling Ted away too: Paul. The truest friend a man like him could wish for.

Sam lets go of him pretty quickly and they all go their separate ways. Paul asks him what the fuck that was all about and Ted tells him that he has no fucking clue, because he doesn’t. He’s never done anything stupid, dramatic or problematic near Sam or Charlotte and he can’t possibly understand why Sam’s still mad at him.

Paul calls him a jerk and Ted just shrugs, because he’s right.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> charlotte is a precious bean

The best place for flirting with Charlotte, in Ted’s opinion anyway, is the break room. Of course it doesn’t  _ always  _ work out for him. Like right now.

They’re sitting on the couch together and both Paul and Melissa’s on the other end of the room, getting coffee. And even though the four of them are the only ones in the room and there is nothing to lose for any of them, Charlotte’s unresponsive.

Well, not exactly unresponsive. He scoots a little closer to her and she puts her hand on his knee: Doesn’t keep it there, but it rests for like a millisecond and that means something, right? “Ted. You’re too sweet, but... I’m married. You’re wasting your energy on me and poor Melissa’s right there,” she whispers. “She’s a sweet girl. Go get her instead.”

She then announces that she has to get back to work and she leaves the break room and Ted sighs loudly. At least it makes both Melissa and Paul join him on the couch.

“What was that about?” Melissa asks.

“Oh, nothing.” Part of him wants to share Charlotte’s suggestion for him to go out with Melissa. He finds it kind of funny, but Paul’s right there and he doesn’t know if Melissa’s out to him and it’s none of his business to even hint at it if she isn’t.

Paul shakes his head a bit. “You know you’re a dumbass, right?”

Ted nods. “Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Though I’m curios. What specifically prompted you to remind me this time?”

“You, flirting with Charlotte.” Ah. That checks. “You know better than anyone that she’s married. Why are you letting yourself get caught up with her again?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know. For fun? I don’t know, Paul.”

Paul tells him once again that he thinks it’s kind of stupid to put himself at risk for falling for her again ‘for fun’ and Ted tells him that he’s an adult who can do whatever the fuck he wants.

So yeah, maybe he isn’t always successful. But sometimes, he swears he is! They’ll accidentally run into each other while on their way to make coffee and Ted will tell her a funny story on the way to get her smiling and in a good mood, then hit her with a compliment or a flirty remark when they reach the coffee machine.

“Oh, you’re just being nice,” she says.

He shakes his head. “No way. I’m being dead serious. When have you ever known me to just be nice?” He raises an eyebrow at her.

She smiles at him and Ted smiles back because he doesn’t know what else he’s supposed to do when she looks at him like that. Then suddenly her hand is on his cheek and she’s gently caressing it with his thumb and it’s not a lot and it doesn’t last for a very long time either, but he considers it a victory. “You’ve always been too nice to me.”

And she’s right, but she’s also not. It makes him laugh a little. Then he gets his coffee and walks out of there.

He doesn’t know entirely how to process it, so when he and Melissa goes out for drinks after work, he talks about nothing but Charlotte and Melissa calls him an idiot. Perhaps she’s right.

Late one Friday, there’s talk about hitting a bar together and grabbing a drink or two. They’ve done this before, but Charlotte’s never come along. She comes this time, because apparently Sam’s not going to be home until late.

Ted has two drinks and Melissa asks him if they’re still on for Sunday, to which he says yes. Of course they are. Then she heads home.

Now, Ted usually doesn’t stick around after Melissa’s left, because as much as he cares about having a relationship to his coworkers, he really doesn’t. But today, he’s willing to make an exception. Because today, Charlotte’s still there.

He goes to the bar and orders two more drinks: A mojito and a cosmo. Then he goes to sit down next to Charlotte rather than Melissa’s empty chair. “Here. On me.”

“Oh, Ted. You shouldn’t have. I can’t accept this.” She pushes the glass towards him.

He pushes it back. “Yeah, well I’ve already spent money on it, so please. Take it.”

She narrows her eyes at him and he just smiles innocently. Then, after a while, she sighs and accepts it. “Fine. But only this once.”

He nods. “Alright. Only this once.”

They chat for a while and ‘only this once’ ends up with Ted buying her another drink. She doesn't complain that time and Ted’s pretty happy with that. And while, yes, Ted tries his best to keep it at a surface level and only flirt, he accidentally asks about her life and gets caught up in it enough to forget time.

When he finally remembers it again, all their other coworkers have already left the bar and Ted curses to himself under his breath. “Well. Looks like it’s just us.”

“Yeah… how did that happen?”

He doesn’t know, but he does know that he could really go for a burger. And while he prefers Lulu’s, McDonald’s is a lot closer and a lot cheaper, so he goes there instead. “You know, cheeseburgers from McDonald’s are the best snacks in the world.”

“Snacks? What are you? Crazy?” She shakes her head at him, but walks with him anyway. “And even if they were a snack, you’re forgetting about the most important snack of them all: Chocolate.”

“Chocolate’s alright, but–”

She cuts him off. “Alright?  _ Alright? _ Chocolate is so clearly better than just alright.”

“Alright, fine. Chocolate’s good. But consider this: Cheeseburgers.” He thinks his argument is pretty good, but Charlotte keeps disagreeing and it’s a really dumb dissuccion to be having, but he appreciates it anyway.

He buys her a cheeseburger as well and she tells him she can’t accept it. “Yes, you can. Now please eat it and tell me that this isn’t the best thing in the world.”

And she does. She eats it and she tells him it isn’t the best thing in the world, then he reminds him that chocolate still exists, which makes him laugh a little. For a moment, he thinks he wants to kiss her, but that’d be silly. He hugs her instead goodnight and goodbye instead. Then he gets on a bus and spends the rest of his weekend not thinking about her at all. Definitely not.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> part of this is kind of inspired by this https://archiveofourown.org/works/21368710 by Current521

That Monday, Ted shows up to the office a little hungover. Sure, he tries to act like nothing, because that’s the best way to deal with any sort of discomfort in his opinion.

And yeah, he saw Melissa just last night, but that doesn’t stop him from walking right past Charlotte to greet her with a hug when he sees her this morning.

“Hey babe,” she says as she hugs him back. They were on babe terms now, which he learned yesterday is the ultimate sign of friendship in Melissa’s opinion. “Thank you for for yesterday.”

He laughs a little as he pulls back. “It was a good time.” He feels a tap on the shoulder and turns around to see Charlotte standing there, so he quickly turns back to Melissa to very visibly wink at her. “We should do it again sometime. I think I’m gonna go with Charlotte now?” He doesn’t actually know why Charlotte wants his attention yet, but he doesn’t mind making her wait. “But I’ll see you at lunch?”

Melissa says he absolutely will and then walks to her office. Then Ted turns to face Charlotte. There’s a soft but uncommitted smile on her lips and it takes her a moment to fully realize that he’s actually focussing on her now. “Oh! Hi Ted.”

“Hey. So what’s up?”

“I just– I’m having some trouble with getting my computer to work with my printer and I was wondering if maybe you could help?” Oh, the irony of a printer at a printer company not working like it’s supposed to.

He doesn’t know why she asks him of all people, but he doesn’t mind. “Yeah, sure.”

And so they make their way towards her cubicle. She sits down and starts showing him the issue. He leans over her and just to be an asshole, he rests his head on her shoulder while he tries to figure out the issue.

Turns out, there’s no actual issue. She’s just connected to the wrong printer. It makes him laugh a little. “Awww, did someone create a fake issue just as an excuse to spend a little time with me? How adorable.” He makes sure to keep his volume low in hopes that it’ll yield a better response.

She looks a little flustered and stumbles over her words a little bit, as she tells him that that’s not what’s going on. It just makes Ted smile even more.

“You know, you don’t have to be jealous that Melissa got to spend the night with me.”

“I know and I’m not, I’m married to–”

He cuts her off, because he knows. To Sam, they’re happy, whatever. “If it’s because you want me to fuck you too, no need to pull a stunt like this. All you gotta do is ask.” He doesn’t leave her time to answer. He just ruffles her hair, winks and walks away.

Maybe lying to her by kind of hinting to having slept with Melissa when they in reality just spent the evening watching reality TV, eating pizza and drinking wine isn’t the right thing to do, but it’s whatever. The _too_ could just have easily referred to anyone else he’d fucked.

Later that month, Paul and Emma invite him over for a movie night. It’s a good time, even if Ted doesn’t really care about the movie they’re watching. It’s some kind of action movie about spies during the cold war and he thinks it’s boring, but at least there’s snacks and good company.

“Hey, that guy kind of looks like you,” Emma points at the screen.

Ted gives her a little shove. “Does not. Look at his fucking hair. There’s a lot of thought put into this,” he pauses briefly to point at his own hair. “That guy? Doesn’t look like he ever thought about his hair. It’s far too long and it looks greasy, slicked back like that. And not to talk about his fucking jaw, have you–” Emma looks like him with a raised eyebrow and it kind of catches him off guard. Then she points to _his_ jaw and he feels it immediately drop. But he can play along, he can absolutely play along. He puts a hand in front of his heart and tries his best to look hurt. “I do not look like him!”

But sadly, Paul swoops in to support Emma’s claim and Ted spends a solid twenty seconds pouting at both of them, before deciding that he doesn’t really care about it. He knows he doesn’t look like some fool in a dumb spy movie (who dies without even trying to fuck someone hot even though the oppourtunity is right in front of him, so Ted knows they’re obviously not the same).

When it’s over, they try to decide if they should watch another movie or just chat for a bit. Ted suggests Into the Woods and Paul shoots him down immediately. “I don’t like musicals. They make me very uncomfortable. And... this is my apartment, so can’t force me.”

“You’re the worst best friend I’ve had. Even Sam liked musicals.”

Paul knows he means it with love, so he doesn’t take it seriously. “Speaking of Sam, how’s things with Charlotte? Are you holding up alright?”

“Oh, yeah.” He nods. He doesn’t know what exactly alright counts as, so he just assumes that he is. “You don’t need to remind me that it’s a bad idea for me to flirt with her, because it’s not. Nothing bad has come from it yet and I don’t think anything will come from it at all. She’s married and I’m not into her, so we’re good.”

Emma and Paul share a look and Ted rolls his eyes at them. It feels like having a second pair of parents, but instead of the ones he has, they’re ones he actually like. “We just think maybe you should take care of yourself. You know… maybe you could ask Melissa out for real? She’s really nice.”

“Look, I appreciate that you worry about me, but really. I’ll be fine. I’m not gonna get caught up in Charlotte again, alright?”


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its a rough day for favorite girl, charlotte

Ted doesn’t like Charlotte, he knows that much. He doesn’t even care about her. They’re just kind of friends, but the kind of friends that only see each other at work. Well, that almost only sees each other at work.

And besides, he can’t like Charlotte because he never thinks about her and you have to think about someone a lot in order to like them, he says to himself as he pushes any thoughts he may or may not have had about Charlotte out of his mind.

It’s stupid. She’s stupid. He’s talking to Paul about something that he should probably pay attention to. He and Emma are considering getting a dog? That’s how much he heard before switching from listening to longingly look at Charlotte, who’s cubicle is just next Paul’s.

They’re moving forward in love. They’re considering getting a fucking dog. That’s big. Ted still stays up late watching reality TV from time to time. And he’s still a fool, chasing after Charlotte.

No. He’s not. He reminds himself that he’s not.

A phone rings and Ted pulls himself out of his thoughts. He gives Paul a light pat on the shoulder. “I’m gonna go get some coffee, see you around.”

Not a lot of people are at the office today, so Ted comes into an empty break room and starts heating some water. While coffee’s probably his better option right now, he has already changed his mind, so he’s gonna get tea instead.

He softly hums to himself while he waits for it to boil. Then that gets boring, so he takes out his phone to check Facebook instead. It’s not too exciting either.

But something happens! He doesn’t know if it counts as exciting, but it’s more exciting than Facebook, that’s for sure, so he slips his phone back into his pocket and puts a smile on his lips.

It’s strange. She’s never joined him in the break room before, but he’s followed her what feels like a million times. It’s always been him chasing her and it probably doesn’t mean anything that she’s here right now, but he likes to think that it does.

“Hey Charlotte, how are you doing?”

She kind of stumbles towards him and he catches her. It didn’t look like she was about to fall or anything, but he takes any opportunity for physical contact he can get. It looks like she does too, because she holds onto his arms and weakly smiles at him.

Her eyes look glassy and she smells like alcohol. “I’m good.”

He narrows his eyes at her and in turn, she narrows hers as well. “Charlotte, what is happening? Have you been drinking?”

She shushes him and even lets go of one of his arms to put a finger in front of his lips. It’d be adorable if he wasn’t worried. “Don’t worry about it.” She doesn’t move her finger and when he tries to open his mouth to speak, she shakes her head. “No, shhh. Thank you for catching me.”

They maintain eye contact for a while before Charlotte finally moves her hand. She lets it rest on his shoulder instead and Ted finds himself feeling mighty confused. “You’re welcome…” There’s a million things he should probably do and letting her get away with not answering him is not one of them. But she doesn’t seem to want to talk about it and Ted’s not about to force her.

“You have really pretty eyes,” Charlotte says after some time. She slips her hand behind his neck and Ted feels himself freezing up for a moment.

Considering that he’s been flirting with her and that he’s straight up offered to hook up with her, maybe he should have considered her trying to kiss him a possibility, but this was the first time that he, like,  _ really  _ thought it possible. “Charlotte. Charlotte, what are you doing?”

She doesn’t answer, but she does get on her toes. Ted sighs softly and let his free arm slips around her waist. This might as well happen, he thinks to himself as they both lean in.

This time, it isn’t Charlotte who keeps them from kissing. Ted hears the sound of someone starting to open the door, so he quickly turns their almost kiss into a full on hug. And good call, because it’s not Paul or Melissa who walks in and he doesn’t know how he’d explain whatever’s between them to anyone else.

He leaves Charlotte by the counter to go finish up his tea and she sticks around, not saying anything. The water has gotten too cold in Ted’s opinion, so he starts reheating it. Or maybe it’s just an excuse he tells himself so he can stick around the break room for just a little bit longer.

The third person leaves rather quickly, seemingly only needing to throw a cup in the dishwasher, and thank God. Charlotte speaks up the moment the door closes: “Why didn’t you kiss me?” She keeps her voice low and Ted thinks that’s fair. “I thought you wanted to kiss me.”

“I do.” He figures there’s no use in lying to her, considering all the other fucking things he’s said to her in this stupid office building. “But you’re married. And people around the office know that. I’m not going to ruin your reputation for you.”

His water pours water in his cup and picks out some tea. He kisses Charlotte: Not on the lips, but rather on top of her head. Then he walks out of the break room and back to his cubicle without saying another word.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no one asked for it, but here's a playlist for this dumb fic: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3dFiaonX1r0EC4sdMwqMe7?si=9RzfJ96ZRTmCarWF9ABlKQ

November’s nearing its end and most of the company have taken the day off to prepare for and celebrate Thanksgiving. Not Ted, however. He’s not preparing food, he’s not cleaning his apartment, so he might as well work a few extra hours.

It’s supposed to be just him and three other guys in the office today, but when he shows up Charlotte’s there as well. And it confuses him, because last they spoke she was taking the day off and preparing turkey dinner.

He decides not to ask about it and just gets working instead. Then a few minutes pass and his curiosity gets the better of him. He swings by Charlotte’s cubicle. “Hey.”

She looks up at him with a faint smile. “Hi Ted. How are you doing?”

He shrugs, then grabs a chair and sits down. He decides that a shrug is answer enough and proceeds to ask about her instead. “And you? I thought you were staying home today?”

“Yeah…” She laughs. It comes across as half-hearted. “We’re a bit short on money, so Sam suggested we both went to work and just had something simple for dinner. You know how smart he can be.”

“That doesn’t answer my first question.” Sure, he might be a little hypocritical since he didn’t really answer her question at all, but whatever. “How are you?”

She smiles. It’s a bit bigger than before, but he’s still not sure if he really believes in it. “Oh, you know. I’m just fine. I’m happy to be spending tonight with my Sam. And he’s probably right about a big dinner being a silly idea, so I’m very excited for just a nice, simple dinner and for having more time to actually spend with him.”

Ted nods. “That sounds nice. I’m happy you’re excited.” He places his hand on top of hers and smiles softly. “Well, I better get back to work. I’ll see you around.”

They exchange goodbyes and Ted goes back to his cubicle. He honestly feels rather productive and he suspects not having Paul or Melissa around to bother helps him stay on track. He comes to the conclusion that work is absolutely better with the both of them.

A few hours later, his printer starts making noises. That’s not an issue: It does that when he prints. Problem is, he’s not asked it to print anything and he knows that the problem is gonna be very easily solved seeing how few they are, but it doesn’t make it less annoying.

He takes a quick glance at the paper and Charlotte’s name in the header makes the whole process much quicker than he’d thought it would be. He takes out his headphones and starts making his way back towards her cubicle.

She’s talking on the phone, so he waits outside for her to be done. He doesn’t  _ want  _ to listen in on her conversation, per say, it just kind of happens. From the sound of it, it is not good. “Alright… alright. I’ll see you tomorrow. I love y– Sam? Sam?”

Ted takes that as his cue to knock on the cubicle wall and walk in. “Hey Charlotte.” He puts on a smile that kind of drops as he sees her pulling out a small flash from her drawer.

At least she puts it back when she sees him. That’s… something? “Oh, hi Ted. What are you doing here?”

He raises his hand with the paper and waves it in the air before handing it over to her. “Here you go.” She smiles weakly as she accepts it and thank him under her breath. “So, uh. What’s wrong?” He pulls out the chair he left there earlier and sits down again.

“Nothing. Nothing’s wrong, don’t worry about it.”

He reaches out for her hand again and to his surprise, she lets him take it. “I heard you on the phone. Sam cancelled tonight?”

She opens her mouth just for a moment, but ends up shaking her head and not saying whatever she was about to say. Instead, she lets a few seconds pass before sighing. “Yeah. Something came up at work so he’s staying at work overnight. And I’m thankful that he’s so– so willing to give back to our community, I am. Sam’s a good man. I guess I’m just selfish and a little sad to be spending Thanksgiving alone.”

“I don’t think that’s selfish at all.” Ted gives her hand a little squeeze.

She laughs a little. It feels more convincing than the last laugh he heard from her and he thinks that’s good. Maybe? “Thank you, Ted, but I don’t know…”

“You know.” He pauses and takes a deep breath. God, he’s going to regret saying this, isn’t he? Of course he fucking is. He says it anyway. “If you want… I can come over tonight. Keep you company. It would be a shame to spend Thanksgiving alone.”

He doesn’t mean it in a friendly way, because he doesn’t care about her. Of course he doesn’t, that’d be very silly of him and he’s not silly. He’s not silly and he doesn’t care about Charlotte. He adds a wink to really sell that she’s meant to take it as him flirting and not him sincerely caring about whether or not she enjoys Thanksgiving.

“Oh Ted, you’re too sweet.” She lets go of his hand the moment he winks. “But I– I’m with Sam. We’re married. I’m married to Sam. And we’re happy. So no thank you. No. I’ll be fine.”

Ted shrugs. Worth the shot. “Whatever you say.”

The rest of the workday isn’t that exciting and neither is Thanksgiving with his parents. Grace and Leah aren’t there: They live in Portland and Portland’s far from Hatchetfield. But it’s whatever, there’s food and it’s probably better than letting himself get too caught up in Charlotte’s drama.

In the middle of dinner, Ted feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. He has manners, kind of, so he doesn’t check it until after they’re done eating. It’s a text from a number he doesn’t have saved on his phone, but a number he still recognizes after all these years.

It’s a text from Charlotte and it doesn’t say much. It’s just an address.

And Ted isn’t stupid, he knows what that means. She’s asking him to come over. And Ted isn’t stupid, he knows he should stay here with his parents and listen to himself so he doesn’t get caught up in Charlotte’s drama like he said he wouldn’t.

He tells his parents his friend is having an emergency and that he needs to go. It’s not too far from where they live and he can be there in twelve minutes if he leaves now.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god ted is a dumbass

If there’s one thing Ted Chastity did not expect, it was to show up at Charlotte’s door on Thanksgiving of all days. Not expecting it doesn’t make it bad, but it doesn’t make it good either. It just makes it… a thing that is certainly happening to him.

They live in a nice area and that doesn’t surprise him.

The Hendricksons, the Monroes and the Chastitys have always been rich families, Hatchetfield considered, and Ted suspects that’s why his parents always tried to get him to hang out with Sam and Gerald. They always talked them up and called them good influences. Plus, Sam and Gerald are both driven people. He never doubted they’d end up somewhere nice. He also don’t think their parents have stopped transferring money to their bank accounts, but that’s none of his business.

And now, both Sam and Gerald are happily married. They both have successful careers. Ted’s never been in a real relationship and he works at a fucking printer company. And like, okay. Sure. Ted fucked Gerald’s wife and now he’s on his way to hook up with Sam’s wife who he’s previously fucked and also almost kissed far too many times, but  _ ‘unhappily’ _ doesn’t work as well with Ted’s current state of mind, which is mostly self-pity.

By the time he reaches the nice-looking apartment building, Ted’s managed to shake most of his dumb thoughts out of his head. He’s not here to think: He’s here to fuck. He shoots Charlotte a text message, letting her know he’s here, and she comes down to let him in.

She looks like she’s been crying and that makes sense to him. Why else would she need to call him here? Maybe he should comment on it, but she doesn’t say anything while they walk up the stairs, so neither does he.

Sometimes, Ted realizes how big of a fool he is. Like when Charlotte closes the door behind them and he looks around Sam’s (and Charlotte’s, of course also Charlotte’s) apartment and he thinks to himself,  _ hey, maybe being here when I know Charlotte’s just upset about Sam again is a bad idea _ , and when he then continues to follow Charlotte further into the apartment and when he joins her on her couch and watches a stupid movie and pretends like he hasn’t offered to fuck her and like she hasn’t called him over knowing that he has, as well as his history of always falling for her a little harder than she’s fallen for him.

He tries to decide not to be a fool. So he sits on the opposite end of the couch and pretends like that’s normal, like everything about the two of them watching a movie alone together on Thanksgiving is completely rational and normal.

The worst part about playing pretend with someone and not communicating that that’s what you’re doing to them is that sometimes people make decisions on their own and that sometimes the decisions they make are stupid and counterintuitive to what you’re trying to achieve. Also, it’s kind of hard pretending things are all good and all fine and not strange at all, when the person you’re pretending with decides to move to your side of the couch. And not only do Charlotte do that: She also leans against him.

And what is he supposed to do? Push her away?

Instead, he puts his arm around her and holds his breath as she cuddles up to him. He pretty quickly realizes that he can’t keep holding his breath, because Charlotte decides that it’s gonna be a permanent position and he’s really not about to complain.

Another thing he realizes as they’re sitting there, watching a shitty movie that Ted hasn’t been able to pay attention to because all he’s been able to keep his head occupied with is  _ her _ , is that he’s missed this. He’s missed doing nothing important and just coexisting with her.

It’s a dangerous feeling, missing something that once almost but never quite was. Nostalgia is the worst kind of glasses because when he looks down at Charlotte, who’s seemingly watching the movie more than he is, he doesn’t see an almost random girl he went here to hook up with. No, he sees Charlotte, who he’s been in love with one or two too many times and it makes his heart beat a little faster and he forgets to breathe again and–

_ Fuck. _

He shakes his head a little and reminds himself, once again, that he’s not here to think. He’s here to fuck. He’s here to fuck Charlotte specifically and he can’t do that if his head is busy romantizising her and falling for her all over again.

Turns out, maybe Charlotte isn’t actually watching the movie as much as Ted previously thought, because after a few minutes of Ted trying to get his shit together, he finds himself suddenly face to face with her.

And not just any kind of face to face with her. No, Charlotte’s made the bold decision to position herself in his lap with one leg of each side of him and it kind of catches him off guard.

Not that he’s complaining. Of course he isn’t. It’s Charlotte, in his lap, there’s nothing to complain about what so ever. Her arms finds their way around his neck, so his finds theirs around her waist.

They’ve been close to kissing before. In fact, they  _ have  _ kissed before, but that’s a long time ago. But now Charlotte’s right there and he can feel her breath on his lips and there’s no chance that someone’s gonna walk in on them and wow, okay, they might actually successfully kiss this time, what the fuck.

She leans in a little closer and Ted continues realizing things. Like the fact that her breath smells like red wine. And before he knows it, he turns his head to the side and instead of feeling her lips on his, he feels them on his cheek.

“No.” It’s soft and almost inaudible and it’s not a word Ted ever imagined himself saying to Charlotte, but here he is.

Charlotte freezes in his arms. “Why not?”

Because she’s drunk. Because she’s sad and probably more into attention than him. Because he doesn’t want to get hurt again. Because he thought this was going to be an easy fuck and didn’t expect his old feelings to resurface. Because he wants it to be special if or when they kiss again. Because he doesn’t want to mess it up this time. Because–

“I…” He didn’t know what to say. He should probably be truthful. “This is going to sound really stupid and I need you to promise not to laugh at me.”

“Okay? I promise.” She looks at him very confusedly and he understands, because his expression is very serious for someone who’s about to lie to her, then leave her alone in her apartment on Thanksgiving.

“Paul dared me to do no nut November and November is almost over. And I know me. If we kiss, there’s a good chance we hook up too and– hey, you promised you wouldn’t laugh!”


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is dedicated to gwen. i will not elaborate

Ted curses to himself under his breath when he shows up at work the next day. It’s not because Charlotte’s there, thought it could very well have been. He hasn’t made his feelings up about her, he just knows he’s frustrated with himself. He thinks he made the right call, but who knows? Certainly not him.

No, the thing that makes him curse is none other than Paul Matthews himself.

And Ted knows he should have seen it coming, because all the years he’s known Paul he’s always worn Christmas sweaters from the day after Thanksgiving and onwards. He knows that this has become a tradition for him and Emma and that it means a lot to them and whatever, but it doesn’t mean that Ted thinks it’s cool.

It’s not. Christmas Crew is the opposite of cool. And yeah, he respects Emma and Paul as a couple and as human persons, but he doesn’t respect all their life choices. And he certainly does not respect the Christmas sweaters.

They’re ugly and he’s not afraid to let Paul know. So after he’s filled Paul in on the terrible, horrible, no-good lie he told Charlotte yesterday to get out of their unfortunate situation and asked him to go against his morals and lie to Charlotte in case she asks, he decides to tackle the sweater problem as well. “Hey Paul?”

Paul looks up for his computer again and nods. “Yeah? What’s up?”

“You sure you wanna go with this look?” He points to the sweater. “Full offense, but it’s fucking ugly.”

“I think it’s really cute.” Charlotte walks by Paul’s cubicle and smiles, definitely not to Ted, before continuing into her own. “I really like it.”

“Thank you, Charlotte,” Paul smiles to her, then turns to look at Ted again. “See? She gets it. And hey, before you go, there’s something I need you to know…”

Ted raises an eyebrow and waits for Paul to speak up.

“You’re a fucking idiot, Ted.”

Ted heads straight for his bus after work that day, but he doesn’t quite get there before a voice stops him in his tracks. The voice belongs to Charlotte herself. “Ted! Wait up!”

Now, part of him wants to just keep walking. It’d be so easy: He can just pretend the bus was oh so important for him to catch. It’s Friday, after all. He could have plans. But he doesn’t. He stops and he turns around and he smiles at her. “Charlotte. Good to see you again.”

She picks up her speed and soon, she’s standing right in front of him. “Yeah, I–” She takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry, I just wanted to talk about yesterday.”

Charlotte? Wanting to talk about something and not just live in ignorant bliss? Is this even the same Charlotte that he knows and loves? Well, not loves. Of course not. It’s just a silly saying. He just knows her. “Oh? What’s there to talk about? Nothing happened.”

She shakes her head a little, but there’s a smile on her lips. He appreciates that. “I know, I just… I guess I just wanted to thank you. For not kissing me. I don’t know what came over me. I think I was just drunk and sad Sam wasn’t home and– yeah, I just… I just wanted to thank you, that’s all.”

“No worries.” He smiles back. “We’re good. Really. Don’t worry about it. As I said, nothing happened.”

“Yeah, but I was coming onto you and–”

“And you didn’t kiss me. You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re good. We’re good. Don’t worry.”

She takes a deep breath. Then she nods. “Yeah. Alright. Okay. You’re right.”

He doesn’t know why, but he ends up leaning down a little and softly pressing his lips against her forehead. “Have a good weekend, Charlotte. I’ll see you around.”

On his way home on the bus, Ted can’t stop thinking. In fact, he can’t even stop thinking when he gets back in his apartment. Why didn’t he kiss her?

Yesterday, he thought it was because he’d fallen for her again. But that was stupid. He didn’t want to fall for her again and their romantic past had barely been something to think back on, so he couldn’t have.

Maybe he just got caught up in the moment?

But that’s stupid too, he realizes. Because if he got caught up in the moment, why wouldn’t he have kissed her? Wanting their second first kiss to be special was a stupid fucking excuse, because that would imply he cared about her. Which he didn’t.

Maybe that was what it was about! Maybe he just straight up didn’t  _ want  _ to kiss her. So that’s why he didn’t. That would make sense, right? And maybe he just thought it was because he wanted something different because that was what he was used to.

It made sense. It totally made sense. He didn’t like Charlotte. He wasn’t into her and he didn’t want to kiss her or be with her. Yeah!

Somewhere in the middle of his thoughts, Ted makes and eats dinner. Then he makes his way down to David’s, because a drink and a hookup with a random stranger is definitely proof that he doesn’t like Charlotte. He wouldn’t hook up with someone else if he liked her for real.

He’s almost certain that his plan is bullet proof. Then he sees a familiar face. “Bill?”

His former coworker is sitting by the bar and as Ted calls his name, he looks up from his drink. “Oh, great. Just who I wanted to see.”

Completely ignoring the sarcasm in Bill’s voice, Ted sits down next to him. He orders himself, as well as Bill, a drink. “It’s been a while. How are you?”

Bill looks around, like he’s considering if talking to Ted is really his best option. Then he sighs and accepts the drink. “Not good, I’m afraid.”

And so Bill tells him about his divorce and how he misses Alice now that she’s off to college and how he’s so lonely lately. He feels stuck in this job and this town and this life, but he doesn’t have any idea how to change his circumstances.

Ted doesn’t talk about his issues, because he doesn’t have any and if he did, he totally wouldn’t be here. He’d be out there solving them. Totally. He tells Bill that he can’t help him change his life but he can make it better, if only momentarily.

He doesn’t expect Bill to take him up on it, but he’s not one to complain. Pity sex is his specialty, after all.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh-oh !

December 18 is, as it’s always been, a special day. Ted always had this idea that he’d grow out of it and stop making it mean something, but life never really gave him time to recover before throwing Charlotte back in it.

Okay. Maybe it’s partly his own fault that Charlotte’s part of his post-college life, but what-fucking-ever.

There’s singing when he arrives at the office and he expects it, because they’ve all been planning it. Jerry is probably getting out the cake and Ted? Well, Ted is carrying in her present. It’s nothing special, just a bouquet of flowers. And a balloon that says  _ Birthday Girl _ , but that’s something Ted added for his own money, which no one needs to know about.

And he sees Charlotte, sitting there in her cubicle all unexpecting as he and their other coworkers slowly makes their way towards her. He sings along on the little  _ Happy Birthday _ -tune and so is Paul to his surprise.

A small clearing is made for him and he makes his way into her cubicle with the flowers and the balloon and he watches as a smile spreads on her lips. It makes him unable to stop himself from smiling too.

He hands her the flowers and the balloon, and she gets up and hugs him before the song’s even over. It makes him laugh a little and he whispers a quick  _ happy birthday  _ to her before disappearing out of the cubicle.

Then Jerry enters with the cake and Charlotte continues smiling and the song ends and everyone congratulates her and then it’s over. There’s nothing more to it, outside the fact that a few people around the office grabs a piece of cake before making their way back to work, but by that point Ted’s already off to his own cubicle.

Ted doesn’t think about Charlotte for the rest of the workday. Okay, that’s not entirely true. He occasionally spares her a thought or two or twenty, but not more.

And then, of course, she stops by his cubicle right before lunch. He thinks about her then too. “Hi Ted.”

“Hey Charlotte. Happy birthday.” He’s already said it once but figures, sure, once more doesn’t hurt. “Hope you liked the flowers.”

“I did. They were lovely. Just my favorite.” It makes him smile. At least his stupid encyclopedia of useless Charlotte knowledge is useful for  _ something _ . “I liked the balloon too. Thank you so much.”

He shrugs. “No need to thank me. It’s from the whole office. You’ve worked here longer than me, you know very well this is birthday tradition.”

She pulls out a chair and sits down next to him while he talks. “Yeah…” She looks at him with a small smile on her lips that he doesn’t quite understand. Then she puts her hand on top of his and Ted tries his best not to swear under his breath. Why does she always pull stunts like these? “You know, uhh… it’s my birthday. Do you want to go have lunch with me?”

They’re friends. He’s not in love with her and they’re friends. Kind of. They haven’t even hooked up since her and Sam got together, so he can’t find a good reason to say no. Fuck.

Luckily, he has a friend in the shape of a savior. Her name is Meliss and she steps into his cubicle at just the right moment. “Actually, Ted and I had lunch plans.” They didn’t. Charlotte didn’t need to know. “But you’re more than free to tag along.”

He watches as Charlotte’s smile drops while she quickly retreats her hand. “Oh, no. No, I couldn’t. You two just uhhh… have fun. I’m sorry, I’ll see you later.” She rushes out of his cubicle.

It’s strange at first, but then Ted remembers that he may or may not have planted the idea of him and Melissa sleeping together in her head at some point… maybe. And now that Charlotte’s maybe kind of into him, that might not be the best kind of lie to play around with.  _ Whoops _ .

But hey! He gets to go out for lunch with Melissa and it’s nice. Probably nicer than lunch with Charlotte would have been, but who knows? Certainly not him, because he didn’t go. He’s a smart man who doesn’t make self-destructive choices to go chase after his not-ex.

The rest of his workday is spent reevaluating his choices and he decides to come clean to Charlotte and let that be a kind of birthday present.

So he drops by her cubicle with the most casual of smiles on his lips. “Hey you.”

She looks up and smiles back. “Hi Ted. How was lunch with Melissa? Are you two finally a thing?”

“Nope.” He pulls out a chair and sits down on the opposite side of the table of her. “But to be fair, Melissa and I were never a thing. That’s actually what I came to talk to you about. I maybe sort of accidentally lied to you.”

“Oh?”

He nods. “Yeah. Melissa and I never slept together. I don’t know why I said that.” Wait. That’s lying too. Shit. “And maybe I sort of accidentally lied to you again, just now. I do know why I said that. It’s because I wanted to make you jealous. My bad. Goodbye.”

Then he gets up and tries to leave, but Charlotte speaks up before he can. “Ted, wait.” He slowly turns around to face her again. “Sit down, please?”

And it’s her birthday, so how can he say no?

They talk for a while. Not for long, because they’re both at work, but still. They chat and it’s nice. Ted asks her if she has plans tonight and she shakes nods excitedly. “I mean… I don’t know what, yet, but Sam’s not mentioned my birthday or our anniversary or the anniversary of him proposing, so I think he might be planning something special. Like a surprise of some sort, you know? I haven’t asked, because I know he did the same for our first wedding anniversary, but I’m very excited.”

She’s smiling and she looks excited, so Ted tells her he’s excited for her. Then he wishes her a continued good day and goes back to his desk. Eventually, he goes home too.

He spends most of his day on his couch, eating takeout and watching Strictly Come Dancing. It’s a good time. Then around nine, his phone buzzes. He doesn’t know what he expects, but he hopes it’s not a text message from Charlotte.

It’s a text message from Charlotte. And it’s asking him to come over.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if all goes according to my outline, there'll be 44 chapters (but knowing me, that might change... oops!)

Sometimes, Ted wishes a spine was just something he could order and have delivered within 24 hours thanks to Amazon Prime, but sadly life wasn’t so and Ted finds himself getting up from his couch and out of his door way too quickly for someone who’s definitely not in love with his childhood friend. Then he slows down on his way back down the stairs, because he remembers that he’s definitely not in love with his childhood friend and that he shouldn’t act as such.

It’s not  _ super _ far to Charlotte’s place, but it feels like it is. He has a million thoughts running through his head the entire walk there and he wishes he could make it stop, but there’s no way to just do that, apparently. It blows. But at least he’s thinking about Charlotte, so that’s robably a good way to prepare himself for seeing her. Maybe?

By the time he reaches her door, he has a theory about what’s happened to make her call him and she doesn’t waste time letting him know he’s right.

“So Sam…” She starts before the door is closed behind them. “He forgot our anniversary. He forgot my birthday. He forgot…  _ me _ .”

Tears are forming in the corner of her eyes and Ted doesn’t know how to deal with that, so he pulls her in for a hug before he has a chance to see any of them fall. “I’m sure he didn’t forget, I’m sure he–”

“No.” She cuts him off, but doesn’t pull back from the hug. “He forgot. He called me right before I texted you. He called me after dinner to let me know he wouldn’t be home. He told me to– to get dinner on my own and to not wait up and he didn’t even say happy birthday or happy anniversary. He forgot about me, Ted.”

Ted doesn’t have a lot of experience with people crying in his arms, but from what he remembers with Grace this is kind of what it feels like. So Ted tightens his grip around her and kisses the top of her head and tries his best to make things better, but all he knows how to do is to gently run his hand down her back.

His curiosity gets the better of him and he ends up asking something stupid. And something he probably shouldn’t ask while she’s fucking crying, but it’s too late so whatever. “Why, uh… why did you decide to text me?”

“I…” She shrugs and finally pulls away from the hug. “I don’t know. I guess… I guess I just needed a friend? Someone to drink with? Something?”

He can work with that. So he nods and leaves his shoes and jacket in the entrance before following her to the kitchen. “What do you wanna drink?”

“Well… I have a bottle of champagne in the fridge? It was supposed to be for me and Sam later tonight, but…” She laughs a little. “I guess that’s not happening now.”

Sam and Charlotte own champagne glasses and Ted appreciates it, because it’s the most fun way to enjoy bubbles in his opinion. 

For their first glass, they sit in the kitchen and small talk. For the second, they sit on the balcony and overlook the city. They also share a cigarette. For the third, they decide to go back in and just sit on the couch.

Charlotte seems to have cheered up a little. She’s smiling, which is a nice change. This time when she leans up against him, it isn’t nearly as strange. It’s nice, actually, and he lets an arm slip around her without issue. They end up putting on a bad movie, but Ted has no idea what it’s about because he’s only focusing on her.

“You know…” He says as he leans over to put his glass on the coffee table. “I’ve missed this. I’ve missed getting drunk and watching bad movies with you. I’ve missed seeing you smile. I’ve missed… you.”

She smiles. It’s the biggest smile he’s seen on her lips since her wedding day. “I’ve missed this too. I’ve missed  _ you  _ too.”

He suspects that he too might be smiling like an idiot at this point, but he tries not to think about it. “I’m sorry I was such an idiot who went and screwed everything up for us.”

“It’s alright.” She empties her glass and puts it on the coffee table as well. Then she gets comfortable on the couch again, but this time she slings a leg over his. “I’m sorry I let Sam kick you out of out wedding. I’m sorry I made such a big deal out of our… accident. I’m sorry I didn’t come talk to you after. I’m sorry I–”

“Shh.” He puts a finger in front of her lips and tries to quiet her like that. He doesn’t have anything to say and she does shut up, but the silence ends up making both of them laugh. “Don’t apologize. Seriously. It’s fine. I’m here now, alright?  _ We’re _ here now.”

She nods. “Yeah, I guess we…” Her voice trails off mid-sentence and Ted isn’t sure what she was going to say, but he’s sure he doesn’t care.

Because Charlotte doesn’t stop talking for no reason. She stops talking to lean in and to press her lips against his.

And Ted’s not in love with Charlotte. He’s really not. Or at least that’s what he tells himself as he kisses her back. It’s also what he tells himself as he pulls her shirt over her head and undoes her bra and her pants and as he, once again, fucks her on a couch in the stupidest, messiest way possible.

He lets her stay in her arms for a while after they’re done and when she asks him to please stay the night, he says yes. Then she messily kisses him goodnight and closes her eyes.

This is not what he wants. He wants something more, something better, something special. But things with Charlotte can’t be more or better or special. They can only be messy and they can only leave him wanting more.

Once again, Ted reminds himself he doesn’t love her. He doesn’t care about all these things, because he shouldn’t. It’s stupid and he needs to stop, because he’s just gonna get himself even more hurt the longer he stays her.

He’s not in love with her, he tells himself as he kisses her forehead. He’s not in love with her, he tells himself as he quietly gets off the couch, making sure not to wake her up. He’s not in love with her, he tells himself as he gets dressed. He’s not in love with her, he tells himself as he wakes her up and tells her to go to bed before Sam gets home. He’s not in love with her and he doesn’t care about her whatsoever, he tells himself as he calls Melissa on the walk home.

“I’m not in love with her,” he tells Melissa before hanging up on her and going to bed, only to repeat the very same sentence in his head maybe seven or a few hundred times, before finally falling asleep.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why are they so dumb!!!

Ted’s never been one to smoke  _ a lot _ . Sure, he’ll smoke from time to time when he feels like it, but it’s never been a regular thing. After he sleeps with Charlotte that second time on her birthday, the smoking starts becoming a habit.

And it’s not even his worst one.

His worst habit is Charlotte and she joins him one day outside their office building during a break to also have a smoke. Ted considers putting out his smoke and quickly making his way back inside, but she greets him before he has the chance. “Ted! Hi!”

Why does she sound so cheerful? Who allowed her? “Charlotte… good to see you.”

She asks for a cigarette and he gives her one, because why not? He’s given her so much already, another cigarette means nothing. Or at least very little in the grand scheme of things.

All he wants is to forget that anything ever happened between the two of them and to let go of his ‘feelings’ or whatever it is Melissa and Paul and Emma and Grace insists on calling them.

But Charlotte wants to smalltalk and Ted is a weak man. “Nice weather today, huh?”

“It’s January. It’s pretty typical for Hatchetfield, don’t  _ you  _ think?” Just because he’s weak doesn’t mean he’s not going to at least attempt being boring conversation. Maybe it’ll make her leave. Maybe it’ll make her give up.

But no. She just shrugs. “I don’t know. It’s better than usual. Did you have a good Christmas break? We didn’t really talk after–”

“We fucked?”

“–my birthday. And I guess that too.” She lowers her voice a little and at least it brings some kind of satisfaction to him to know that she’s not just forgotten what went down completely. “Thank you for waking me up, by the way.”

He shrugs. “Whatever.”

“I, uhh… I wanted to ask you something. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long, but… uh… so. Okay. Here it goes. Why…” She pauses to take a deep breath. “Why did you leave? You said you’d stay. Why didn’t you?”

“I don’t know, Charlotte!” He perhaps says it a bit too loudly, but it’s whatever. It’s not like he said anything about  _ them  _ a bit too loudly. “Maybe it’s because I have my own life. You ever considered that, huh? I can’t just… drop everything to sleep on your uncomfortable couch, you know? You can’t expect me to drop everything for you all the time, okay?”

Charlotte takes another deep breath. She looks a little taken back and maybe that’s fair. “Yeah… yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry.”

“You should be.” He stands by that. “I get that your life is pretty bad sometimes and that your husband is a piece of shit, but you know how I used to feel about you. I need to look out for myself a little, alright?”

She nods. “Of course. I understand.”

“Thank you.” He somehow hadn’t expected her to. But he appreciates it. “Really. Thank you.”

She smiles. Then she lets him know that Sam isn’t home over the weekend and that he’s welcome to come over if he wants to. He lets her know he doesn’t know if he will, but he’ll text her if he decides to. She says that that’s fine and then they go their separate ways.

That Friday night, Ted finds himself feeling lonely. It’s a very different kind of lonely than he usually feels, because his usual lonely is more of a very specific kind of bored. The kind of bored that makes him want to go to a bar and drink and hook up to pass the time.

But  _ this _ lonely? It makes him long for stupid things, like spending time with Charlotte and kissing her and holding her in his arms despite how dumb and pointless he knows it is. It also makes him text her.

It’s ten and he doesn’t expect her to answer so quickly, but not even a minute passes before she lets him know to come on over and so, he’s on his way.

He doesn’t come over because he loves her. He doesn’t love her, of course not. He comes over because he wants sex and the easiest way to get that is by going to Charlotte’s place. Sure, bars have sad people, but so does Charlotte’s apartment and that sad person already has let it be known that she doesn’t mind hooking up with him.

It’s easy. It’s convenient. It’s not love. It’s a platonic fuck between two friends: A sad one with a shitty husband and one who’s strictly in it for the easy sex. That’s it.

He knocks, then takes a deep breath as he mentally prepares himself to seeing Charlotte. Alone. In her apartment. Where they fucked last time they were alone. He doesn’t have enough time to strategize before she opens the door.

She starts rambling as soon as Ted’s inside and the door’s closed. “I– I’m sorry. I want to start out by saying I’m sorry. It was really cheap of me to tell you, you could come over this weekend and you’re right, I can’t expect you to drop everything for you and I’m so sorry if… if whatever  _ this  _ is makes you feel bad or–”

Part of him wants to let her continue apologizing, because it’s nice to be apologized to for once. He doesn’t know if he’s dumb enough to let himself mistake it for caring, but for right now, it’s good enough. But he doesn’t let her continue. He pushes her against a wall and he kisses her hard.

And she kisses him back. Not long after, she’s pushing off his jacket. Then his shirt.

Before she has the chance to completely undress him, he picks her up. And for no other reason than being able to, he carries her to her and Sam’s bedroom.

He has no business staying. According to his logical reasoning skills, staying only ends in more feeling and more feelings just leads to more feeling bad and that’s the last thing he wants. So once they both finish, he gets up.

Charlotte grabs his hand. “Stay?”


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i keep adding more chapters and sdkfsdf, dumb!

“Charlotte…” Ted sighs. This screams bad idea. “No. I– why the fuck would I stay?”

“Because....” Charlotte bites her lip and Ted’s gotta admit, that in itself is a pretty convincing argument. Not one he’ll fall for, but a good one nevertheless. “I asked nicely? Because you’ll save the walk when I call you to come over tomorrow?”

He hasn’t said yes, but he sits down again. He’ll hear her out, sure. And Charlotte does not waste time. She’s already leaving kissing up back, on his shoulder, on his neck. Ted’s certainly not strong enough to walk out on that.

“Because we can do more of this?” At this point, her voice is barely a whisper. She lets go of his hand and wraps her around him instead and Ted has to use all his will power to not just melt into her and her stupid kisses between almost every stupid word. “Because morning sex is pretty good? Because…” Maybe she doesn’t have more arguments, because she pauses for a while to kiss and nibble at a certain point on his neck that definitely makes him weak. “Because I want you to.”

Her arguments haven’t been bad per say, but the last one? The last one hits hard and Ted is sold immediately. He turns his head enough to kiss her again and after they’ve made out for a while, he tells her he’s staying.

It makes her smile. It’s a nice sight. Then she goes to sleep in his arms and Ted spends God knows how long going over the reality of his situation. He’s here. With Charlotte in his arms. And she wants him to.

Past-Ted would have loved this. This is literally past-Ted’s dream. Well, not the Charlotte being married to Sam part, he would have preferably skipped over that part. But the rest of it? The rest of it is pretty damn close to what he always wanted.

Present-Ted tells himself that he just doesn’t mind it. It’s  _ fine _ . It’s sex. It’s just sex to him and nothing more. He doesn’t like her. He doesn’t like her. He doesn’t like h–

He eventually falls asleep.

When he wakes up, he expects Charlotte to be gone. But she isn't. She’s still there in his arms and it’s terrifying and incredible, all at the same time. She’s snoring lightly and Ted can’t help but to find it absolutely adorable and  _ fuck _ . Maybe he does like her.

He doesn’t love her! That’s stupid and irreational. But he could like her. It’s certainly a very real possibility, because he finds himself feeling unusually happy and it’s strange, but not in a bad way. He’s not used to that.

And then she wakes up after sometime and she smiles and kisses him good morning and yeah, okay. Cool. Cool, cool. He definitely likes her. Shit. And they have morning sex and Ted regrets even considering leaving, because it’s far better than he could have possibly imagined because it’s  _ Charlotte _ .

She crawls out of bed after a while and he tries to get up as well, but she gently pushes him back. “No. You stay there.”

“Why?” He raises an eyebrow at her.

“Don’t ask questions and just do as I say, please?” She shoots her lower lip out in a pout.

Ted’s pretty sure that counts as cheating, because he can’t possibly say no to that. “Alright, fine. If you insist.”

“I do.” Her pout turns into a smile and she leaves her in her, and Sam’s, bedroom as she disappears off to God knows where.

Ted has no idea how long time passes, but suddenly he’s no longer alone with his thoughts. No, he’s with Charlotte on the bed and they’re eating pancakes and talking and smiling and laughing and kissing and Ted can’t remember feeling happier.

Sunday morning, she wakes up before him and she wakes him up with kisses and scrambled eggs. “You shouldn’t have,” he tells her.

“Maybe you’re right, but I wanted to.” She smiles and he smiles back. Then they share a kiss and they share breakfast and, well… they hook up again, but that’s because that’s what they do now. They hook up.

When they’re done, Charlotte rolls down from on top of him and starts talking about something they’ve been avoiding most, if not all weekend. “So, uhh…. Sam’s coming home in a few hours. We should probably start considering wrapping…  _ this _ ... up…”

He nods. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re probably right.” He shouldn’t pry into their lives, because it’s none of his business, but he’s curious and he wants to stick around for a little longer, so he does anyway. “Why are you still with him?”

“With Sam?” She asks. Ted tells her that of course he means Sam. Who else? “I… love him. I know it’s stupid and I know things have been rough lately, but… I don’t know. He’s the first guy I’ve ever been in love with. And he picked me. We’ve made it through so much together, so I’m sure we can make it through this too.”

“How are things rough?”

She sighs and her smile drops a bit, but she continues talking anyway. “Well, he… he forgets things. Like anniversaries. And birthdays. And dinner plans. And he works so late so often. We don’t really have time for sex anymore and…  _ that’s  _ rough. I think that’s maybe why we’ve been fighting more lately. Because we don’t have sex. But I don’t know… it’s hard to know. I love him. And he loves me. He doesn’t say it very often anymore, but… I know he does. So I know we’ll make it through it.”

He wants to ask why she’s hooking up with him if she loves Sam, but it’s none of his business. What if it makes her stop wanting to hook up with him? That’d be bad Be likes hooking up with her so instead, he asks something stupid. “Have you considered asking him to have sex with you again? If you think that’s the cause of some of your problems, maybe… I don’t know… maybe it could solve more of them than you’d think? Maybe you two could be happy?”

She tells him that she’ll think about it and he swears under his breath, because it’s a stupid idea and one he doesn’t hope works out. He doesn’t want Charlotte to be with Sam.

But, admittedly, he does want her to be happy.

They end up having sex once more before Charlotte throws him out for real. He passes Sam’s car on his way home, but luckily well away from Sam and Charlotte’s apartment. Then he calls Melissa and tells her that maybe, just maybe, he likes Charlotte more than expected.


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, we've made some choices

Ted often finds himself wishing he could be more consistent in his thoughts about Charlotte. Sometimes, they’d go out for coffee together and they’d talk about something meaningless and she’d smile and he’d smile and he’d feel happy and hope that she did as well. At those times, he was sure he liked Charlotte and he was sure he wasn’t stupid for it.

But sometimes, he’d come over when she texted him and he’d feel good for a moment, sure, but then she’d either throw him out or start talking about Sam and that never felt good. In fact, it sucked. And then he’d tell himself he didn’t like Charlotte as he went home, but she’d text him again a couple of days later and he’d go back to her and know he was wrong.

It was a fun time except when it wasn’t. And it never was.

Today, for example, Charlotte texts him and lets him know he tried talking to Sam about having sex again. That doesn’t sound like a booty call, but moments later she sends another text, saying Sam didn’t take it well and that she was now alone in the apartment.

Ted knows what that means, so he makes his way to Charlotte’s place. And apparently, she’s seen him from the window, because the door is open when he reaches her floor.

“Hey, you alright?” He asks, immediately pulling her into a hug.

Despite the fact that Ted can see she’s been crying, Charlotte nods. Then she kicks the door shut and she kisses him. It’s very usual for them at this point and he wishes it wasn’t, but he kisses her anyway.

They stumble into the bedroom before Ted even has a chance to take off his shoes and part of him wants to ask if they can stop for a moment and talk about what went wrong, but he suspects it won’t yield good results. He decides that it can definitely wait when Charlotte starts getting undressed.

He joins her in bed and they hook up. Everything is as it usually is. He stays a while longer than someone who’s just there to hookup should, he holds her in his arms and he kisses her hair and strokes her arm and hums mindlessly.

And suddenly, things are nowhere near how they usually are. He listens as the sound of the door being unlocked drowns out anything else and he and Charlotte share a panicked look, because that can only mean one thing: Sam.

Ted quietly rolls off the bed and gathers his clothes and shoes as quickly as possible, before hiding under the bed just as the bedroom door swings open.

Now, Ted tries not to imagine what his life is going to look like, because if he has no plan it can’t go wrong and he can’t be disappointed when his childhood love settles down with his childhood best friend or whatever else he may or may not have imagined would or would not happen, but what happens isn’t even in the realm of what he thought possible.

He stays put under the bed as Sam stumbles towards it. “Why the fuck are you naked?”

Charlotte doesn’t say anything for a while and Ted holds his breath in hopes that nothing bad will happen. Sam is a cop. And Sam has always been stronger than Ted. Sam is also not naked. Ted is. But Ted will fight him if necessary.

“You really gonna keep insisting on this whole ‘we should have sex again’-thing?” Sam continues. Ted can hear him moving but he has no idea where. He wishes more than anything that he wasn’t here right now.

At least Charlotte isn’t an idiot. He appreciates that about her. “Yes. That is why I’m naked in our bed. Are you gonna do something about it? And are you drunk again?”

“Yeah. What about it?” Sam mumbles something he can’t quite hear, but judging from the sounds it seems Sam is undressing. “But fine. Let’s just get this over with.”

And over with, they sure get it. Right above Ted. He wants to leave more than anything, but he can’t. Sam’s still awake and Ted’s not an idiot. So he stays there, quiet and full of regret. And a little bit of pride, but only because Charlotte isn’t nearly as loud with Sam as she is with him and since he apparently has to live a nightmare, he’s going to try to get the best out of it. This is the only good thing he can think of.

He stays under the bed for much longer than he wants to, but the fear of Sam discovering him there is motivation enough to keep him in place. It’s uncomfortable, it’s cold and he has to be at work tomorrow. But being cold, tired and uncomfortable beats getting beat up by your ex best friend turned enemy.

Not that Sam’s inherently violent. But Ted  _ is  _ in his apartment in the middle of the night. And Ted did fuck his wife, multiple times. And yeah, he doesn’t want the confrontation, but most of all he doesn’t want Sam to be mad at Charlotte. Not because he was messy and didn’t leave early enough. Charlotte deserves better.

A few hours pass before Ted dares move. Sam’s snoring at that point, but Charlotte isn’t. He exists on Charlotte’s side and though the little bit of light from the hallway, he sees that she’s still awake.

The smart thing to do would be to just leave without saying a word. And he does, because he’s smart. But before he does, he presses a tiny kiss to Charlotte’s forehead. Then he quietly exists the apartment and gets dressed in the hallway, because being seen naked by a stranger beats being seen at all by Sam.

And yeah, maybe he should go home and sleep, but he can’t just do that after something like this. So instead, he utilizes his spare key to Paul and Emma’s apartment. He considers just crashing on the couch without saying a word, but that’d also be strange, so he knocks on their bedroom door.

“Wh– what the fu– Ted?” Emma wakes up. Paul doesn’t.

She comes with him to the living room and they talk through what just happened. Emma calls him an idiot then tells him he can sleep on the couch, before going back to bed.

Paul wakes up before Emma, apparently, because he wakes up Ted and yells at him for a bit. Apparently, he doesn’t think Ted should have spare key privileges if he just abuses them like this. Ted tries to explain to him  _ why  _ he had to do it, but Paul’s not listening. He doesn’t revoke the spare key privileges, but he does make both of them morning coffee and then he, too, calls Ted an idiot before they go off to work together.


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember when this was planned to be about 30 chapters? 44 chapters? what about 45? this is not that timeline

They somehow manage to avoid each other at work the day following Ted’s worst nightmare playing out right above him and it’s probably for the better, because he has no idea what to say. He suspects she might not either, so not talking is definitely the better call.

And it’s a Friday, so they manage not to talk over the weekend either. Which is strange. Maybe Sam’s being nice to her now that they’ve had sex again? Ted quickly comes to terms with the fact that thinking like that is a bad, bad idea. So he stops.

By Monday, they finally manage to talk again. They decide to go out for lunch together and it’s casual, it’s friendly and it’s not strange.

“So… how are things with the husband?” Ted asks. He still hasn’t figured out what you’re supposed to say in a situation like this, but apparently this is what he decides to go with.

Charlotte smiles a bit and Ted can’t quite place if that’s a good or a bad thing. “Things are… good.” He still can’t. “Yeah. We’ve had a really good weekend. Thank you for the advice.”

Ted smiles. It doesn’t feel very convincing, but Charlotte doesn’t seem phased. “Oh? That’s good. Great to hear.” He nods a bit and ties his best not to sound too bitter, but to also not sound so excited that she knows it’s fake. It’s a fine line to walk and he has no idea if he’s succeeding or not. “No problem. No problem at all.”

He reminds himself that he’s not in love with Charlotte and tries to shove the stabbing feeling in his chest away. It doesn’t work, so he downs his cup of coffee and it burns a bit, but at least it’s better than his stupid feelings acting up.

Not that he has feelings. He has sex. He’s sleeping with Charlotte and allowing himself to think for a second that he liked her was a mistake. He should have seen this coming. He should have known. He doesn’t like her. He can’t like her. It’s really that simple.

She continues to talk about Sam and she seems to be happy. And he should not meddle in that. Because he does want her to be happy. And he doesn’t care about her, he reminds himself. He doesn’t.

He’s happy to return to the office but sadly finds himself hanging back and looking longingly after Charlotte as she walks away.  _ Fuck _ .

Luckily, someone taps him on the shoulder. He turns around and comes face to face with the best face in all of the office. Paul. “Hi. How can I help you?”

“Hey. Did you just walk in with Charlotte?”

“Yep.”

“Charlotte Hendrickson?”

“That’s the one.”

“Why would you do that?”

Ted shrugs. “We had lunch together.”

“And was that a good idea?” Paul asks.

Ted’s starting to think maybe Melissa’s the best face in the office. “Absolutely yes.”

Paul nods a bit. Then he puts a hand on Ted’s shoulder. “Are you alright?”

“Absolutely not.”

That day after work, Ted makes a dumb pact with himself. He’s not gonna hook up with Charlotte anymore. Not because he isn’t into her. He also isn’t, he’s decided, but that’s beside the point.

No, his reason to stop hooking up with her has nothing to do with her, because he can’t have her influence all his decisions. Ted stops hooking up with Charlotte for old time’s sake and for the friendship he once had with Sam. He’s a bro first and a lover second: At least that’s what he tells himself.

It lasts about two weeks, because then Valentine’s Day hits and he feels very lonely and it sucks. It sucks because Charlotte’s not there, he thinks. Then he shakes his head and tries to think of something else.

Like how it’s just very regular to feel alone on Valentine’s Day. That’s just what people do. Not that he’s ever felt this alone on Valentine's Day before. Not that he’s ever cared about this stupid fucking day once in his life.

Then he decides that he doesn’t today either. It’s stupid and unnessecary. He texts Charlotte and asks if Sam’s home. She texts back pretty quickly and lets him know that no, he isn’t. He’s about to ask if he can come over, but she asks him to before he has the chance.

And luckily, no one else knows about his deal with himself to be a bro to Sam and not a lover of Charlotte’s, so there’s no one to make him feel the consequenses of breaking his own stupid promise.

He goes to her place and kisses her as soon as the door is closed behind them. And he carries her, not to the bed but to the couch. Because there’s no way he’s staying and there’s no way he’s being intimate with her.

At least that’s what he thinks, but then she’s on top of him after and she rests her head on his chest and he thinks to himself that maybe it’s okay if he stays, but only for a little bit. And certainly not for the night.

A little bit turns into forty minutes, which is a long time to cuddle and talk about about your day at work with your fucking coworker about. But it’s whatever. It’s nice.

The sound of his phone buzzing brings him back to reality and he sits halfway up on the couch, scanning the room for wherever it might be.

“What’s up?” Charlotte asks. She presses a small kiss to his collarbone, near where she’s already left a hickey. “What’s happening?”

Ted spots his phone and reaches out for it. “I don’t know.” He opens his phone and quickly reads the message. It’s from Bill. He, too, is lonely and he’s asking Ted to come over. “I need to leave.”

“What?” Charlotte tries to look at his phone, but Ted closes it before she can. “Why? Don’t you want to stay here instead?”

She trails a few kisses down his chest and Ted feels himself go weak for a moment. He does. But that’s stupid. That’s past-Ted talking. He doesn’t like Charlotte and Bill is way better for forgetting about his feelings. “Sorry, no.”

He starts getting dressed and Charlotte pouts in his direction, but he tries his best to ignore her. “Please?”

“Goodnight.” He pecks her on the lips and hurries out the door to go to prove to himself that he doesn’t have feelings for her in any way, shape or form by hooking up with Bill.


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me? just now deciding that getting the chapters out before the weekend ends? you bet!

March marks Charlotte and Sam’s wedding anniversary, as well as the anniversary of Ted’s childhood and teenage friendships crumbling right in front of him because of his stupid decision to get drunk at said wedding.

Ted doesn’t actually think about the past until he hears a knock at his door and opens it up to find a crying Charlotte standing outside his door. Actually, he doesn’t think about it before he asks her what’s wrong and she falls into his arms.

Most of the day has passed with him being at work and coming home to an empty apartment, only to fill the emptiness with old episodes of The Great British Bake-Off. And now, suddenly Charlotte’s in his new apartment for the first time. And Ted remembers.

“He forgot,” she lets him know. Her voice is weak and from what Ted can tell, so is her body. He tries his best to support her weight while also attempting to close the door. “It’s our wedding anniversary and he forgot.”

Tears is not something Ted has ever learned to tackle, but he does carefully run his hand up and down her back and gently sway with her still in his arms. He whispers meaningless words of assurance and tells her it’ll be okay, even though he’s starting to have his doubts.

When the tears kind of come to an end and her body feels less like it’s going to collapse if he lets go, he helps her out of her jacket and she helps herself out of her shoes. Then they make their way to his couch and Charlotte gets comfortable in his arms once again.

He listens to her talk about Sam. About all the things that went wrong lately. About how she thought they were on the right path now that they’d started having sex again. About how much she loves Sam and about how much it hurts to see him put in far less work than she does.

And Ted comes with comments, sure, but they’re all small and they’re mostly there to encourage her to keep talking. He doesn’t really know if he wants to hear it, because it’s breaking his heart.

Yeah, it sucks that she’s with Sam and not him, but that’s not what’s breaking his heart. Not right now, anyway. But Charlotte not being happy and not being given the world? Charlotte blaming herself for all this? And Charlotte not realizing she deserves so much more? It hits harder than he expects it to, especially since he’s had his suspicions about some of it for a while.

She’s unhappy, she tells him. Then Ted asks her something stupid. “Why don’t you leave him?”

“What?” Charlotte stops moving and maintains eye contact with him for a while, almost as if waiting for him to continue. “I– I can’t just  _ leave  _ Sam, I love him. He’s my husband and–”

Ted cuts her off. “And he makes you unhappy. Why not leave him? Why not be happy?”

She shakes her head. “No. He makes me happy. We’re just… we’re just having a rough time. We just need to get back on track. I love him and I can’t just leave.”

“He’s shitty. He forgot about your birthday. And literally three of your anniversaries.” Ted feels like an asshole for bringing this up right now, but one of them has to and it’s apparently not going to be her.

“Well, anyone could have forgotten, it’s just a silly date. It’s hard to remember and it doesn’t matter that much.” She says it a bit too quickly and she doesn’t look convinced.

Ted shrugs. “It matters. You’re upset, so clearly it matters. And I don’t know if it’s really that easy to forget. I mean, I remembered.”

“Yeah, but you’re also in l–” She stops talking and immediately looks away.

He raises an eyebrow at her. He has a sneaking suspicion that he knows what she was going to say and he knows she’s wrong. He’s not. He might care about her a little bit but he’s totally not in love with her. “What? What am I?”

“Nothing.” He continues looking at her with a raised eyebrow so she sighs and eventually says what she was going to say, but in a quick mumble. “In love with me. You’re also in love with me.”

He shakes his head. He’s not. It’s important to him to say that out loud in a room where they both can hear him, because that makes it more real. “I’m not. But I’m also not a complete asshole. You deserve better than Sam and that doesn’t change even if I’m not into you.”

“But I don’t,” Charlotte says. She’s wrong, but that doesn’t stop her from saying it. “I’m cheating on him. I don’t deserve anything more than whatever Sam is giving me. In fact, it’s stupid that I’m here. I’m just being silly and I shouldn’t be upset. I should go.”

Ted laughs a little as she gets up from the couch. He follows her to his door before he wraps his arms around her waist from behind and gently rests his head on her shoulder. “He’s being a shitty husband, you’re cheating. It’s not without reason. You deserve to be with someone who cares about you.”

“Someone like you?” She sighs. Then she turns around in his arms and wraps her arms around his neck. “You always cared about me, didn’t you?”

He doesn’t answer. Instead, he kisses her and pretends he didn’t hear what she said. They make out for a while and it’s sweet and good and a lot less stressful than when they waste time doing that in her apartment. Then he takes her to his couch and fucks her there. For old time’s sake.

When they’re done, Charlotte decides that she should be a good wife and get home. She doesn’t kiss him before she gets up from the couch and starts getting dressed. “This has to be the last time, Ted.”

He just shrugs. Because he’s casually into her. And not in love with her. “Yeah, whatever. See you tomorrow.”


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear ted's dumbassery servers a purpose, kind of

Barely three weeks after Charlotte tells him that this is the last time, she’s back at his door. And barely three minutes after Charlotte knocks, they’re back on his couch.

Ted’s not surprised she’s back, but he’ll be the first to admit that he’s impressed she lasted this long. Then he fucks her and ignores that he’s happy to see her, that he’s missed her and anything else that’s going on in his head.

When they’re done, Ted opens his window and sticks his head out to have a cigarette without going outside. Is it a bad call? Probably, but at least Charlotte joins him in it.

“I…” Charlotte trails off before she’s even begun saying whatever she wants to say. Then she sighs and waves her free hand around a bit. “This has to be the last time. I’m serious this time. We can’t keep doing this.”

It just makes Ted sigh. He wraps an arm around her and she leans into his touch. She’s the one who showed up here. He’s not gonna not hook up with her when she shows up in his apartment and starts undressing. “Sure, Charlotte.”

Even with her being the one suggesting that they stop this, it doesn’t seem to him that Charlotte’s entirely ready to, because she leans against him completely and even tilts her head up to steal a quick kiss. She’s absolutely adorable and Ted knows how dangerous that is, because one day she might actually be serious. One day she might actually stop coming back.

And to be honest? He’s growing kind of tired of their dance back and forth. He knows it’s unrealistic to expect, but he wishes Charlotte would just commit to him and this and them. And if not, he wishes she’d really just leave him alone.

He thinks he’s ready to get over her for real this time, so long as she let him. But maybe that’s because he’s busy telling himself that he’s in it for the sex and that makes it easier to deal with.

It’s not the strategy he goes with when asking Charlotte to change things up, however. “What are you doing tomorrow night?”

“Nothing. Why?”

“There’s this diner. Lulu’s Diner. I’ve been meaning to go back there for a while. Do you wanna go there with me?”

Charlotte stays quiet for a while. Then she puts out her cigarette and turns around to face him. “Ted… no. We can’t go out. I’m married. To Sam, remember?” Of course he remembers. “I love him. I can’t.”

“I understand.” He doesn’t, but she doesn’t need to know that. “And I’m not asking you to go on a fucking date with me. I like to think we’re kind of friends, so it was more of a platonic dinner offering.”

Saying it out loud makes it real, right? It’s not a date and it was never supposed to be, because Ted doesn’t want to go out with her. He’s only asking because he’s nostalgic and because he misses Lulu’s and because it’s an opportunity to perhaps sleep with her again, already tomorrow.

“I– alright.”

He wants to ask her if she’s for real, but he suspects that’s not the best action to take, so he just smiles at her instead. “Great. I’ll pick you up.”

He rents a car. He doesn’t own one, but he wants to pick her up so he rents a car and he picks her up. It’s a completely reasonable thing to do, he tells himself as he gets out of it and opens the door so Charlotte can get in.

Then he drives them to Lulu’s and he gets out to open the door for her again when they arrive and she smiles and it makes him smile. And then he tells himself to maybe turn it down a bit. He’s not in love with her. She’s not in love with him. They’re platonically having dinner together and then fucking. That’s what’s happening.

They get a table and they order food. It’s not just any table or any food. It’s the same table Ted almost always sits by and it’s the same burger he always orders and it’s nice, it’s nostalgic and he’s happy they’re doing this.

“So. How’s your day been?” Maybe it’s a mistake for him to ask. Maybe it’s a stupid question, seeing that they work in the same office. But it doesn’t really matter. They haven’t really spoken throughout the day, so he wants to know.

Their drinks arrive before she has the chance to reply and they quickly thank the waitress before she does. “Oh, you know… just the same old.”

He knows what the same old is, but he lets her talk about it anyway. Sam didn’t kiss her goodbye in the morning. Frumpkin was being absolutely adorable so she didn’t really want to leave him in the morning. She accidentally sent a document to Paul’s printer. A customer yelled at her, so she transferred them to upstairs. It was really nothing out of the usual, but it was nice to hear about anyway.

“How’s the cats doing lately? I don’t think I see them around all that often.”

Her eyes light up and she excitedly begins to tell him about silly things Frumpkin and Professor Thaddeus have done. She gets cut off in the middle of a story about the Professor himself getting stuck in the bathroom when their food arrives.

Charlotte takes the top bun off her burger and reaches out for the ketchup that stands at the edge of their table. Ted thinks Lulu’s burgers are just right, but Charlotte puts an ungodly amount of ketchup in hers.

Even though he disagrees with her choices, it makes him smile. God, who allowed her to be this adorable?

They continue talking about their lives and it’s nice. It’s really nice. Ted thinks it might be how a date is supposed to feel, at least if he ignores the strange feeling in his chest and his knowledge of this moment being fleeting.

When they get desserts and Charlotte gets a little bit of ice cream on her nose, Ted reminds himself once again that he’s not in love with her. He doesn’t even like her, he tells himself. Not because it’s true, but because it makes it easier.

He waits and doesn’t tell her before they’re in the car. She gently pushes his shoulder and he laughs a little, but at least she does as well.

Not wanting to drive her home already, he drives the car down to the water and parks it under some trees. It’s quite a remote area, but the weather’s good and there’s no harm in going for a small walk.

They don’t end up going for a walk. Ted pulls Charlotte in for a kiss as soon as they’re out of the car and instead of stopping him, like she maybe should if last time really was the last time, she kisses him back.

He considers driving them back to his place. They have time to hook up before Charlotte have to go home and maybe he can actually fuck her in his bed for once. They haven’t done that yet and maybe they should.

But then he remembers that he doesn’t care about her or them. And to prove to himself that he doesn’t have feelings for her and that he really doesn’t care, he instead starts undressing her right then and there. He doesn’t know why she lets him, but he’s not about to complain.

He fucks her in the back of his rental car because he doesn’t care about her. She’s not special and she doesn’t deserve to be brought to his bed. Her drives her home, because even though he doesn’t care about her, it’s a long walk and she’s the most beautiful woman in Hatchetfield, so he’d much rather see her get home safe than not. He doesn’t kiss her goodnight because it’s not a date, it’s a hookup.


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shout out to paul and emma

Ted tries his best to ignore Charlotte after their not-date. It’s not because he doesn’t want to spend time with her, but it’s just that he can’t spend  _ all  _ his time with her, he can’t spend all his time thinking about her. He just can’t.

And he’s somewhat successful. Which he hates. Because that means Charlotte haven’t had a reason to call him. Or maybe it just means she hasn't wanted to. Either way, he doesn’t like it and he wishes she would just pay attention to him not paying attention to her.

One day, he stops by Paul’s cubicle. Paul’s not in there, but there’s a note on his desk saying he’ll be back soon so Ted just gets seated and waits. From the other side of the thin cubicle walls, he can hear Charlotte. It’s not that he tries to! Not actively, anyway. But it’s hard to ignore her, especially since it sounds like she’s sniffling.

It’s none of his business, he tells himself. But eventually, curiosity gets the better of him. He tries to be subtle about it, so he makes a circle around the room and glances in Charlotte’s direction as discreetly as he possibly can.

Maybe it’s not the most secretive thing in the world, but luckily – or not, depending on how you look at it – Charlotte doesn’t seem to notice, because she’s in the middle of a good, old fashioned cry.

Probably Sam’s fault, that absolute bastard.

He doesn’t care about her and he doesn’t care about her stupid husband drama. He doesn’t care that she’s crying or that she’s upset. And even if he did care, it wouldn’t be because he liked her. It’d be because they were friends. Or because her being upset could mean she’d want to have sex with him more.

Maybe it’s silly of him to justify the fact that he doesn’t have feelings for her so many times to himself, but who else is he supposed to justify himself to? Melissa refuses to listen because she disagrees with his feelings which, in his opinion, is really dumb. How can she disagree with him when he says he’s not in love with Charlotte? That’s stupid. She’s stupid. He cares about her, but she’s stupid.

Ted stops by the vending machine and buys a chocolate bar. He pockets it and goes to check if Paul’s back yet. He is and they quickly clear up their plans for tomorrow night. Then he walks back to his own cubicle, making only one short stop on the way: He slides the chocolate over Charlotte’s desk and walks away without saying a word.

Charlotte texts him the following day, asking him to come over. He doesn’t answer. He has plans and his plans include spending time with Emma and Paul. He doesn’t have time to answer her.

He does, however, have plenty of time to catch his friends up on his way too messy love life while they get red wine drunk on Paul and Emma’s couch. Well, not love life. “Because I’m not in love with her,” he tells them. “I’m stupid.”

They share a long look and Ted finds himself feeling bored. Why is he not part of their weird couple telepathy ability? He should be. When they’re done, it’s Emma who speaks up. “Ted… I’m not saying you’re stupid, but do you think you maybe could have feelings for Charlotte again?”

“No.” He shakes his head. “I already told you, I’m not in love with her.”

Paul puts a hand on his shoulder and Ted tries his best not to shrug it off immediately. “And that’s alright. We’re not saying you are. But if you’re not in love with her, how  _ do  _ you feel about her?”

The question catches him off guard and he spends longer than he’s proud of trying to think of an answer. “Well, I…” It’s hard to get out and he does fall over his words quite a few times, but eventually he lets them know that he cares about her being happy, because seeing her happy makes him feel happy.

He doesn’t tell them about how seeing her makes his heart beat a little faster or how there’s a weird, empty feeling in his chest whenever they go their separate ways. He doesn’t tell them about anything that might make them get the wrong idea, namely the idea that he’s in love with her. He’s not.

“So you care about her?” Paul asks.

“I already told you I do, idiot.”

Paul looks to Emma for assistance, but Emma just shrugs. “Sorry babe, but he’s right.” Ted holds up his hand and Emma reluctantly high-fives him. He’ll take it. “Have you considered telling her?”

“That I care about her?” Ted asks. They both nod. “No. No, no, no. I think I might have actively tried to show her that I don’t, though.”

Paul asks him how and Ted explains all the things he’s done to try to show that he doesn’t care about her. Like the couch sex. And the car sex. And the couch sex. Paul tells him to stop talking about sex and Ted just shrugs in return.

“Oh, also the sex. We mostly just have sex and I  _ have  _ actively tried to not stick around, just so she wouldn’t get the wrong idea.”

“The wrong idea being that you care?” Paul asks.

“Bingo.”

“But you do care?”

“Yes. I think we’ve come to that conclusion, yes.”

Emma cuts in. “That’s so fucking stupid. You’re so fucking stupid!”

“Yeah.” Paul nods in agreement. “Have you considered… I don’t know, expressing your feelings and care for Charlotte in a less stupid and unhealthy way?”

He admits that he hasn’t. And to himself, he admits that that’s maybe not the best thing in the world. Then he downs the rest of his wine and announces to his friends that he’ll be leaving.


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the good place

There’s a good chance that texting her before showing up at her door would have been a good plan, but Ted is red wine drunk and Charlotte wouldn’t have texted him if she wasn’t home alone for the night, so it’s not his biggest worry in the world.

He rings the doorbell to Charlotte and Sam’s apartment and not long passes before Charlotte opens the door. She’s wearing a white bathrobe and she’s holding one of her cats in her arms. Professor Thaddeus, he thinks?

“Ted.” It’s a kind of greeting and he’ll take it. “I didn’t think you’d show up.”

He smiles. He doesn’t know where it comes from, maybe just from seeing her? From the red wine? From knowing he’s about to do something absolutely idiotic that might finally break this stupid circle they’ve been stuck in? Probably not the last one, because he’s not even sure it’ll even do that.

“Of course I showed up,” he tells her even though it’s definitely not an  _ of course _ . “I want to apologize for something. Can we sit down somewhere? Also, do you have red wine?”

Charlotte looks a little confused, but she nods. “Yeah, or course. Come on in.” She waves him inside. Then she puts down her cat. “Have you been drinking?”

“Yes! Yes I have. But only a happy and responsible amount, don’t worry.” He presses a small kiss to her lips and manages to catch her smiling as he pulls back. “I’ll go sit on the couch. You just join whenever you’re ready.”

It makes her laugh a little, before she nods and goes to the kitchen. Ted does as he says and goes to wait for her on the couch. He doesn’t have to wait long until she joins him with a bottle of red and two glasses, one for each of them.

She pours them a glass and they have a drink while small talking, before Charlotte apparently decides that she can’t wait anymore. “So what did you want to apologize for?”

“Oh yeah!” Maybe he’s a bit more drunk than he thought he was, but he’ll still argue that this counts as happy drunk. Tipsy. A good place to be. “I’m sorry I fucked you in my car. Well, not my car, it was a rental, but… you know.”

She laughs again. It makes her look really pretty and it makes Ted’s anger towards Sam grow even bigger. How dare he make her upset when he could be making her happy! “You don’t have to apologize for that. It was a good time and we–”

“No.” He interrupts and shifts his position to sit up straight. He tries to keep a straight face as well, because he’s about to say something that might sound stupid, but it’s something he means seriously. “No, I do. I’m sorry I fucked you in my rental car. Can I fuck you in my non-rental bed instead?”

She looks confused, but at least she’s smiling. And smiling Charlotte is good. “I– this doesn’t really make sense, I’m sorry. Why do you want to have sex with me in your bed? I mean, isn’t it the same in the end?”

He shakes his head. “No. Because– okay, so here’s the deal. I had sex with you in the car and on my couch because I was trying to prove to myself that you didn’t matter to me, but I’ve been thinking a lot lately and I’ve come to a conclusion.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. And that conclusion is that I  _ do  _ care about you. I care about you a lot. I need to thank Paul and Emma for helping me get there, but that doesn’t really matter right now and I’m not sure why I’m telling you that. The point is: You’re great and you deserve the world  _ and  _ to be fucked somewhere that’s not a car or a couch.”

She laughs again and pulls him in for a kiss. It’s weird, kissing someone who’s kind of laughing. He’s never tried it before now, but he’s not opposed. “You’re adorable.”

He smiles. She’s adorable too and she deserves to know, but he forgets to say it out loud.

“I have a compromise for you. Since your bed is kind of far away right now, what do you say we just have sex in my bed? Does that work?”

It’s certainly much better than nothing, so Ted nods. It’s a compromise that he’s willing to agree to, at least for now. One day, he’ll fuck her in his bed and it’ll be good and they’ll have a good time.

But for now? For now, he just happily stumbles into Charlotte’s – and Sam’s, but fuck Sam – bedroom with her in hand. And he kisses her. And he has sex with her. And he doesn’t leave when they’re done, but he allows himself to recklessly fall asleep with Charlotte still in his arms.

She wakes him up before Sam comes home and they kiss goodbye in the door. He wishes he could stay for longer, but for now? For now this is okay. This is more than okay. This is wonderful.


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> good on them

Charlotte’s always been a texter. Sure, Ted’s seen and heard her on the phone with Sam, but it’s always just been texts between Ted and her.

So when he late one Thursday night towards the end of April hears his phone ringing, he doesn’t expect it to be Charlotte. And when he realizes that it  _ is _ , he immediately starts worrying. “Charlotte? Are you okay? Has something happened?”

There’s a bit of sniffling on the other end of the line, but there’s also a laugh. “I’m… okay? Maybe? I don’t know. It’s, uh… Sam.” Of course it’s fucking Sam. That asshole. “But it doesn’t matter. What are you doing tonight?”

“Do you want me to come over?”

“That doesn’t answer my question.” So she wants to small talk?

He can play that game. Kind of. “I’m coming over. And I’m bringing snacks. Is that alright?”

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s alright.”

They hang up and after a quick look around his apartment, Ted concludes that he has no snacks. And to be honest? He’d much rather get to Charlotte’s place quicker if she’s upset than worry about having to go shopping. Worst case scenario, he can just pronounce himself the snack and get over with it.

Charlotte greets him with a kiss as soon as the door closes behind them and Ted kisses her back. It’s a lot softer than he’s used to kissing anyone, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad. Quite the opposite, actually.

“So what happened?” He asks as they make their way to the living room.

She sighs. “Sam and I had plans tonight. We were going to go out and watch a movie together. Have a date night, you now?” He nods. “But… as usual, he cancelled on me. And I know it’s silly, but I really thought he’d be around tonight. I really hoped he would.”

One would think that after devoting so many years of his life to being hopelessly in love with Charlotte, he’d know how to deal with emotions, but he doesn’t. He wants to be there for her and he wants to make her feel better, but he just doesn’t know how. He ends up pressing a quick kiss to the top of her head.

And it seems to bring a slight smile to her lips, so he’s satisfied with his efforts. “I just wish things were different. Like… I wish he’d show me that he actually cared, you know?”

Ted nods. He doesn’t know if he knows, but he thinks he does, because it would make sense if she wants Sam to show he cares in the same that he wants  _ her  _ to show she cares.

They end up not having sex immediately for once, which is a strange – but somehow nice – change. Instead, they get settled on the couch and Charlotte finds a romantic comedy she says she’s been meaning to watch for a while.

And instead of awkwardly sitting on the other side of the couch than her, Ted sits next to her immediately and she slides right into his arms. It’s eerily close to what he imagines  _ normal  _ to be like with his limited knowledge of how dating, relationships and love work.

Sex is great. Ted’s not gonna lie and pretend he isn’t a big fan of sex and probably would prefer it to a romantic comedy. But there’s just something different about this that fills him with new, strange emotions. And he’s not sure how to process them, but at least they feel nice. And that’s rare. Sex is great, but sitting on Charlotte’s couch with her in his arms is, if only for right now, better.

Charlotte might have said she wanted to watch the movie, but as Ted’s trying to get into it and trying to follow along for her sake, her head is resting against his chest and suddenly, he hears the semi-familiar sound of her snoring. She’s fallen asleep. In his arms. And Ted never wants to move.

It appears to him that he doesn’t have to, not right now anyway. Right now, he can just sit here and take in the moment. He has nowhere to go and neither does she, so he can pretend that they’re happy and that this is normal for as long as the world lets him.

Okay. Maybe he can’t. Because the movie eventually ends and he is left sitting in darkness. It’s not that he minds, because Charlotte is still with him in his arms and he doesn’t feel like leaving or getting up or even moving.

He doesn’t know how long time passes, but he eventually becomes very aware of the fact that Sam could be coming home any moment and he would rather not get caught in a situation that’s anything like the last time he saw Sam in this apartment. So he gently shakes Charlotte awake.

“Wh– Hi Ted.” She smiles up to him sleepily and he swears, it’s the most adorable thing he’s ever seen. “Did I fall asleep? Did anything happen in the mo– Oh. It’s over?”

He nods. “Yeah. I didn’t want to wake you up, sorry.”

“That’s really sweet of you.” She smiles even wider and reaches up to rest a hand on his cheek and oh God, he really got it bad for her, huh? “I’m sleepy. Are you tired? Can we go to bed?”

It makes him smile. He wants more than anything to say yes. “We’re gonna get you in bed and then I’m gonna go home. Sam might come home and I don’t know if it’s the best thing for you two if he finds out I’ve been here.”

“Oh, yeah… Sam.” She sighs. “Yeah. You’re right. Thank you for waking me up.”

They make their way towards her and Sam’s bedroom and Charlotte gets undressed while Ted finds her pyjamas. She crawls into bed with a jawn and snuggles up among her pillows.

“You’re adorable.” Ted sits down just on the edge of her bed. He wants to tell her he loves her, but that didn’t go so well for him last time, so maybe he shouldn’t. He manages to stop himself before the words leave his lips again. Besides, he’s not in a rush. He’s barely come to terms with these feelings himself. He didn’t even mean to get so attached to her again, but he stumbled back into it on accident and honestly? He’s happy he did. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She smiles. Then she pulls him down for a final kiss of the night before he leaves and goes home. It’s soft and nice and everything Ted wants in this very moment. “Goodnight Ted.”


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "including canon dialogue in a non-canon fic is valid" -me to me while writing anything

He loves her. It’s a strange sentence to suddenly be thinking all over again, but it doesn’t stop him from doing so. He loves her and he can’t let go of the thought on his entire walk home.

Part of him wants to call Melissa and update her on the thrilling story of his emotions developing all over again, just to keep him. Part of him wants to go to Paul and Emma’s place and once again bother them with his late night thoughts and struggles.

But another part of him of him wants to just savor this moment and keep it to himself. It’s not often that Ted feels strong emotions anymore and he doesn’t really know how to handle it on his own, but he’ll figure it out. He has too.

He ends up having a drink at David’s, mindlessly chatting with Avery while collecting his thoughts.

“You look like you need another drink,” his sister’s high school friend says with a wink. “My shift is actually ending soon, so if you need company or–”

Ted holds a hand up to cut him off. “I’m good, thank you.”

Now, Ted knows of Avery’s reputation as a far too flirty band boy who really gets around. Hatchetfield is a small town, their age difference isn’t that big and Grace threw house parties back when they still shared an apartment, she had friends over. It was hard to avoid.

Apparently, Avery also knows of his. “I didn’t think Teddy Chastity turned down a chance to get laid.”

“Well,  _ Ted _ Chastity is in a….” He wants to say a relationship, but it’s a lie. Not that Avery doesn’t need to know that. Even though Ted doesn’t feel it’s too far off, he ends up not saying it. Can’t have him getting too far ahead of himself. “He’s with someone. It’s pretty good for getting laid. You should try it sometime.”

The next day at work, Ted finds it difficult to rest. His mind is constantly wandering off to  _ Charlotte _ and he doesn’t really know how to deal with it. He feels excited and he doesn’t know towards what, which makes him want the feeling to stop.

Around lunch, he gives up on acting normal and decides to stop by Charlotte’s cubicle.

Of course, his timing is horrible and her phone rings just as Ted’s grabbed a chair and sat down opposite her. She gives him a smile as she picks up. “Oh hi Sam! How are things down at the precinct?” She pauses, presumably to listen to his reply. “Well, my day’s been gr– Oh. Well, how late?”

She’s not smiling anymore and Ted doesn’t like that. Seriously, fuck Sam. Fuck Sam for continuesly cancelling on Charlotte and for making her feel like this and for wasting her time and for everything he’s ever done that’s hurt her.

“Yeah, alright. I’ll probably go to a friend’s house for dinner, then. I’ll see you late tonight then. Or tomorrow morning, yeah, you’re right. Bye Sam, I love you.” By the time she ways she loves him, she’s already hung up and it makes Ted raise an eyebrow. She must spot the confusion on his face, because she explains herself: “Oh, I’ve started hanging up before I say it. That way, I can’t get disappointed if he doesn’t say it back.”

There’s a smile on her lips, but it’s sad and Ted wishes with every bone in his body that he could take it away. But since he doesn’t know how, he proceeds to ask about the phone call instead. “So you’re going to a friend’s place for dinner, huh?”

“Yeah… I was thinking about asking Melissa. Or maybe Paul, it’s been a while since I’ve caught up with him and Emma.” There’s a slightly teasing tone to his words and Ted already thinks they’re at a better place than the phone call, even though Charlotte still looks upset.

“You know… I make a mean spaghetti with meatballs. If you want, we can have dinner together at my place. We can relax, talk…” He lowers his voice so he’s sure only she can hear him. “Fuck.”

She looks around real quick and Ted swears he can see her cheeks turn a light shade of red. When she’s determined that the coast is clear, she turns her attention back to Ted. Then she nods. “That’d be great.”

“Sam has the car,” Charlotte tells him when they get off work.

He lets her know that that’s really not a problem, he’s used to taking the bus anyway. So they get on a bus together and they head towards his place.

It’s strange. Sure, they’ve been in public places before, but sitting so close to her and not putting an arm around her or holding her hand is just so foreign to him at this point. It feels kind of stupid, but Ted decides that that’s fine. He’s never been known for being intelligent about or around Charlotte.

As soon as they’re safely inside, Ted wastes no time. He presses his body against hers and hers against the nearest the nearest wall and he kisses her and she kisses him. When he breaks away, he’s breathless and so is she but there’s a smile on her lips, so there’s a smile on his as well.

They leave their shoes and jackets in the entrance. And they have plenty of time to waste before Charlotte has to go home, which he knows for a fact they’re good at.

He brings her to his bedroom and they lazily make out on the bed for what feels like both mere minutes and countless of hours, all at once. It’s sweet and innocent and all that high school Ted could have ever dreamed of. Hell, it’s almost all that present-Ted could dream of.

They end up having sex both before and after dinner. Then they cuddle in bed until around ten, where Charlotte sighs and announces that she should probably get home. She gets dressed and Ted follows her to the door, where he kisses her goodnight.

It’s a good day.


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh yikes, time for the final chapter

Ted can’t think of a day he’s had that’s been better than this one. Sure, he hasn’t told Charlotte he loves her and he likely never will, but he’s spent time with her and it’s been nice and he hopes the can continue spending time together like this in the future.

He’s never considered himself a romantic and he’s still quite convinced that he’s not, but Charlotte’s in his thoughts all evening until the point he goes to bed and he doesn’t mind. He just wishes they could do this more often, be like this more often.

But it’s a silly thing to want and he knows that. She’s married and she keeps insisting that she’s in love with Sam and he doesn’t know how to make her realize that he’s a much better choice.

Maybe he isn’t. He doesn’t actually know. But he’d like to think that he is. And he’d like to think that Charlotte will realize one day. He falls asleep with thoughts of Charlotte still running through his head and a small smile on his lips.

It’s not often that people knock on his door at 2am anymore, but tonight is different. At first, Ted elects to ignore it, but when it continues for a while, he gets out of bed and goes to open his door. “What do you wan–”

It’s Charlotte. Charlotte is standing outside his door. She looks like she’s been crying, but right now she’s smiling and for a tired Ted, that’s a bit confusing. Then he notices the two suitcases and the two transport boxes. It doesn’t make it any less confusing.

“Hi Ted. Can I come over?” She asks. Her voice is hoarse and her volume low.

Ted nods. He chooses to ignore the fact that she’s already over when she asks if she can. It’s not like he would have said no anyway. “Yeah. Yeah, of course.” He steps aside and lets her get inside before he starts helping her get the bags and her cats inside.

They help each other move the suitcases to the bedroom. Then they decide to let the cats out in the bathroom for now. They’ll figure it out later.

It’s two in the morning and Ted’s pretty sure they should get to bed, but then he remembers that they don’t have work in the morning and that it doesn’t matter. So instead, he takes Charlotte to his kitchen and pours both of them a glass of water.

They sit down at the kitchen table and Ted reaches for her hand. She takes it. And they sit there until Ted’s curiosity gets the better of him. “So… it’s pretty early in the morning. What are you, uhh… what are you doing here?”

“Sam and I had a fight,” she starts. He figured that much, but he lets her continue on her own terms. “I came home at around eleven and the door was unlocked. No, not unlocked, it was open. Which I thought was strange. It was only open a little bit but it was still strange. So I– I went in and I was a bit scared and nervous and… and then I saw a pair of shoes in the entrance. High heels.”

“Oh shit.” Ted didn’t have a lot to offer, but he figured he’d offer what little he did have.

“Yeah…” Charlotte laughs. It’s not a happy laugh, but rather a nervous one. “He was, uh… he was with a girl. Or a young woman, I don’t know. She can’t have been more than twenty, but she was in our bed. With Sam.”

It’s absolutely not his place to say anything. He’s been helping Charlotte cheat on Sam and he’s been in their bed. It’s Charlotte’s story to tell, not his.

Luckily, she has more to say. “Sam cheated on me. The girl left when I walked in and Sam apologized a million times. And I told him that it was okay, that I could forgive him. Because I had cheated on him too and whatever it is we had started out with him cheating on Zoey and whatever it is  _ we  _ have–” She squeezes his hand and he smiles softly at her. “– started out with me cheating on Sam. But I didn’t get around to telling him that I had cheated on him too before he said… he said that this girl meant nothing to him. And I don’t know why, but that… that was the dealbreaker for me.”

It didn’t surprise him that Sam had cheated on her. Maybe it should, but it didn’t. He’d hoped Sam wouldn’t do something like that to Charlotte but in his opinion, Sam is a dumpster fire of a man and while it made him angry and upset, it didn’t surprise him.

“I just–  _ Yes _ , I cheated on him too and it was wrong, but at least I cheated on him with  _ you _ . At least you mean something to me. You made me happy. Both on your own and when he couldn’t. And what I did was wrong, but it wasn’t wrong without meaning. Sam was willing to cheat on me with someone he’d just met. She was just a random girl he’d met at a bar and he was willing to jeopardize our marriage for nothing. He didn’t even remember her name and she’d just been in bed with him, not even ten minutes ago.”

“That fucking blows.” Ted regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth.

But then Charlotte laughs. And it seems to be a real laughter, so he doesn’t regret it as much. “Yeah! It really fucking blows!”

“Do you know what you’re gonna do?”

She shrugs. “Kind of? I’ve already told him that we’re getting a divorce. I don’t know how to get a divorce, though, but I guess I’ll my lawyer in the morning and figure it out, somehow.”

He nods. Then he lifts her hand up and presses a small kiss on her knuckles. It makes her smile, which makes him smile. “You’ll figure it out. I believe in you.”

“I will, I know.” She sighs. “Thank you. For believing in me. And for being here with me. And for being you. You’ve already done so much for me over the past many months and I’m so sorry to be asking for another favor, but could I perhaps stay here for a while? I don’t know where else to go.”

“Of course you can. We’ll figure it out, alright?”

“Alright.” She nods a few times, before getting up from her chair to kiss him. “Thank you.”

Once again, Ted finds himself wanting to tell her he loves her. But he decides once again that it’s not the time. There’ll be a time where it’s right and he’s fairly confident in that, but tonight it’s more than alright to just spend time with her. They find a bottle of red wine and two glasses and after letting the cats out, they go to watch some trashy reality television on the couch.

Ted doesn’t know much about love, but sitting there on the couch with a wedding ringless Charlotte in his arms in the middle of the night makes him feel fairly certain he’ll figure it out. She’s smiling and she’s laughing and she looks happier than he’s seen her in years. He knows he’s going to give his all to make sure it stays that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you read this far, thank you???? so much?????? i hope you enjoyed reading, becasuse uhhh..... idk, its a lot of words and it'd be a shame if you got this far but didn't enjoy? idk!!!! super thank you to anyone who's left a comment and kudos, you guys are the real mvps ! also if you made it this far, feel free to come cry about charted with me on tumblr, i'm @helenmcwife


End file.
